Fairweather connection with your partner

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"We are only in the moment in bed anymore. I hate the day time."

Anyone relate? I keep reading quotes of NT's saying "if the relationship weren't so good outside of sex, we wouldn't be together." I don't relate to that at all and feel the opposite. In response, I ended up writing what's above.

I only feel openness in bed (sleeping OR sex) or when we're crying. I have a f*****g duffel bag full and stashed away just waiting for it. I hate hate hate the daytime.

Can I get a witness?

No sex here.

I am sorry, you have a duffel bag full of what? Are you packed to leave?

Sorry to hear that. Yeah it's full of clothes. I definitely fall under the "ultra black and white" character of aspies, and basically I feel like it's been a half-hearted relationship since Christmas and I have done some really drastic things after relationships end, e.g., leave with no plan, quit all my jobs, and basically uproot my entire life thinking it's unsalvageable, and I'm looking down that route again.

Since getting this diagnosis (curse) I've seen all the negative symptoms I've learned to slightly mute come up full force, like all my resentments and frustrations are surfacing as much as possible.

It's like whack a mole, but you don't get tickets.

What openness is lacking during the day exactly? If you feel like doing something drastic, try not to act on that impulse right away. You want to be sure you've considered all angles first.

It's sort of a... pressure to be busy and fulfilled at the same time, so no music, gotta prove myself constantly, no enjoyment of what I got, and that makes me pretty tame and lame as a bf. So b/w that and my girl's grad school, the house seems like a place of stress not refuge.

So it looks like I gotta find a place of my own... I should have just kept it slowish (it's been a year) this whole time, so we saved each other for catharsis rather than show all our pain and frustration to each other. Since we already moved in it feels largely like a failure to take ten steps back like this... and I have a bad habit of making big life decisions (not so big to me at the time, it seems; impulsive and fanatical right here) on my love life as long as I can remember. But I think I'll stay here and if it does become apparent that we're through or that we're casual enough to stop calling each other our own, I'll be a lot more likely to flake out and get the hell out of dodge. For now I'll see what happens, see if I go more Bruce Wayne than Clark Kent, single and fun vs dutiful and overdevoted, which makes me a better boyfriend. How to be as attractive as I know I am when on my own, but still have the bond of a relationship? Have my cake and eat it too... It's GOT to be possible.

Maybe showing a willingness to accept a gray area (ughhhhh) will show some growth and we'll be ultimately closer... at least I'm not totally burning my life down as I know it, as is my habit when I lose a loved one.

If any of you relate to The Tarot... think Card 13.

This made me laugh, but there's your nutshell. I'm guessing you're idolizing bachelorhood being as exciting as night after night in Vegas, but that's only on television. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you have to give up on fun, or enjoying yourself. Instead of constantly feeling a need to prove yourself, what would happen if you relaxed and goofed around, and maybe even found a way to sneak a little adventure in with your gal? It doesn't have to be the dutiful doldrums all the time.

I know dude, I just can't kick the grind's ass and be that way at the same time... during an argument (I wouldn't say fight, we love each other through it all) I found myself being judged both for A) not having a career, and B) not having finished some creative projects I was determined to do. WTF????

I've always had gf's who looooooove music and art, but they don't want to see what goes into it, at least not when I do it. They can't simultaneously tell me my finished s**t is "great" but that my practice habits are "neurotic."

Anyway... glad I could make you laugh. Take care.