Longevity on reading certain situations

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Hi,
Something popped into my mind just now about how long it took you to read certain social situations and cues that happened to us in the past.

IE- When I was 18, I reconnected with a childhood friend who I had a falling out with two and a half years earlier because we developed different tastes. We re-connected over the phone a few years later and I even went over to her house for a sleep over. This was after getting an odd call from her mother. At the time, I automatically assumed that she wanted to be a friend again. The sleep over appeared to go well and seemed fun at the time.

Anyway, it took me 13 years to figure out that she did not really want me around and was really wanting something and so was her mother. I realized finally there were several red flags posted everywhere I turned.
1. She had her guy friend over and seemed to spend more time with him than the two of us catching up in the earlier of the evening
2. She also spent much of her time on the phone trying to call up other guy friends
3. She either was a snob about me touching her make up or called me immature names like ,"Booger Butt."
4. When I was leaving, she told me to call her and let her know I got home and did such and her mother picked up the phone and said she went to a movie with her friends.

I am not mad at her anymore but I am surprised how long it took me to really wake up and see the truth.

How long did it take you to pick up certain signs in a situation with another person? Whether it was good or bad?

Too long.

Tip: dont get involved with ppl if during the first 5 minutes of convo it becomes obvious that they dont have deeper levels of intellect. They dont understand you well enough to be an active part of your life and its easier to avoid socially difficult situations like this.

It doesn't seem like it took you too long. You would have known much sooner if they hadn't been playing games. Mixed signals are notoriously difficult for aspies to process. They were expecting you to get the hint. We don't get hints. Figuring out these peoples' intentions took exactly as long as it should have.

NTs take for granted that everyone picks-up information the same way. You know that isn't a reasonable expectation.

If I were blind, how long would it take me to read a road sign? I probably wouldn't know what the sign said until after I got run over. It wouldn't make me see any better, but I would have more info about what types of things can be printed on road signs. It truly sucks to be in that situation. That being said, we are wiser about the possibilities.

It has sometimes taken me years to understand a single question that was asked of me because I didn't know the mind of the person asking it and what assumptions they were making about me. They may see it as stupidity and be baffled or amused by it, but I have to take it as a legitimate limitation of my sensory array. Educating others, having the explanation out there as to what's happening in our minds, might give the good people in our lives a way to help us fill in some of those gaps. I know that isn't possible for all of us, but if the world doesn't get us, a few guiding hands might be our best hope.

The ill-intentioned NT...my own personal source of nightmares. I will never for the life of me understand why they play these kinds of games. I hav a lifetime filled with those kinds of experiences. So called friends trying to make me look stupid and feel bad. At this point, its just too complicated to try and figure out their true intentions. Some NTs are amazing actresses, and I just try to stay away from them for now

I still can't figure out why people used me rudely in junior high and high school!

I was the expendable friend who was called last minute when "cooler" people weren't available. I was the girl who could never understand why I once received a mighty kick to the knee by a so-called friend. I was the one boys approached to get to girls I hung out with. None of it made any sense, and guess what?

Almost thirty years later, these same kinds of people still perplex me.

My take now is that some NTs are masters of politics, which they view as being sociable and is apparently a socially acceptable way to behave. These people are master manipulators, and when they run into Aspies, they have an opportunity to have at us.

I've been forced to learn to make myself not trust people right away--number one defense. I learned this after being dumped on and treated badly for so many years. It's a tad bit lonelier but much more satisfactory to have less people in my life who are actual friends rather than users, abusers, and kooks. (Oh my!)

I also make myself wait a couple of days to make decisions on things that stress me out. Again, this was a forced lesson after seeing how often I agreed to do something that caused me high anxiety and generally ended up causing me to be taken advantage of or have problems at work. This tool helps me be less likely to decide the wrong way about social issues.

As to your original question--I agree that however long it takes us to figure out social issues is the right amount of time for us.

NTs should come with handbooks.