Marriage/ Parenting On Spectrum

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This is addressed to those Aspies that are parents and are married or have been. How do you deal with being a parent? Have you found any resources for that? We aren't able to find anything! Its something my husband has really struggled with. As well as aspects of marriage. We have been married 12 yrs and have 3 children. 8 yrs, 3yrs and our son 15 mo old. With each birth things have gotten more and more stressful. My husband was just diagnosed with having AS about 3 months ago but we always felt something was off. We didn't know! Now we are at this place where its very freeing to have the diagnosis and we are both working at learning all we can. Taking one day at a time.

I would just like some feedback from anyone that has information on parenting when you have AS and or marriage.

Thank you:)

There's a "parents on the spectrum" post in the Parenting forum and lots of us here have kids. I have something, but am not diagnosed with anything more than depression and ADD, but my son has a PDD-NOS diagnosis, and he's 3. He goes to a special preschool for ASD kids. I'm looking forward to the parent nights at his preschool to meet other parents. If any of your kids are on the spectrum, meeting other families like yours could help.

I was married and then divorced, and then I also tried living with someone with the intentions of marrying/family but it was just too exhausting. I really couldn't keep up with the demands of family, personal, relationship, petcare, college, part time work. I find even babysitting exhausting now that I am single and not working anywhere. I love children, I simply start to shut down after a certain amount of time trying to keep them safe and allow them to express their energy and all of their questions.

Recently I was given a resource, at least in Missouri, called People Firstf. It connects families with other families who face similiar issues so that they have someone to talk to, and get to know them, and offer each other encouragement. Maybe there is something like it in your area as well.

I have been married 16 years and have three kids (8, 11 and 14). I am well into the aspergers syndrome. I don't know how it happened and how we are still married. We are both quite traditional family types and loyal. We will stay together no matter what. Both of us always had a deep sense of duty. A sense of duty comes naturally to aspies. At least, it does for me. Over the 16 years, there were many times where we stuck together because it was the right thing to do rather than 'love'. My concept of 'love' is not romantic so I think I found it easier to stay in the marriage. My wife battled/battles with my lack of romance and general reclusiveness. Even though I know this, it isn't going to change because it takes too much energy out of me and then other things become unhinged.

So, the only real advice I can give is to hang tough. Some years later you will come to appreciate the 'love' that blooms. Aspie love is like a cactus flower in the middle of the desert or like a deep well of water in the desert.

Married, two kids here. It's very much day to day for us. My husband and I have strengths in different areas, so we work together well as a pair to round each other out. The biggest challenge for myself is not my autistic son, but the NT one lately. He cares very much about being part of the group, and fitting in with the other little boys. Luckily these issues are much easier to get advice on, but it's so foreign to me .

Taking one day at a time seems to be what I fall back to, after occasionally trying & failing at planning ahead or stuff like that. As for me, I was married, then divorced a long time ago from someone who ended up not being interested in parenting. So, I've been a single parent for 17 years. I have a very strong commitment to my two offspring, but the "way" I parent is definitely not typical or normal at all.
I am really open with my kids about my issues, when necessary, as I want most of all for them to know they are their own people and aren't limited by my limitations. If that makes sense.
I haven't found any resources whatsoever, no. But I'm not so good looking around for resources, so I may have missed something valuable.

We went the unconventional route - we are poly. I have two husbands and one daughter, age 20. We also have a few friends that we consider part of our family. We are a small tribe, there is much comfort in that. With more people, you can step away from the parenting role when you need to, and let someone handle it. I know that I don't know everything she needs to learn, so having others to teach her, to reinforce, has been good. As an Aspie, it is far easier to have two or more people in my life than it would be to have just one. There is less emotional demand on me. For instance, I don't have to see movies that I don't want to see. There is more income as well.

When I'm having a communication issue with one husband, the other will often act as translator, which is quite helpful. They are not on the Spectrum, like my daughter and I, but they have enough Aspie-like quirks that we get along.