Biological children?

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Lately, I have been pondering the chance of my theoretical children being on the autism spectrum. Although I am very young, I believe that I have found the right person to have kids with, so I have been thinking about what could happen in about a decade. If my boyfriend and I were to have children, our child would have a family history of ASDs on both sides of the family. Not just am I an aspie, but my older brother has classic autism, and although my boyfriend is NT, his brother has Asperger's, too.

Anyhow, despite being autistic myself, I really fear having a child on the spectrum. Perhaps I was coddled growing up or perhaps I haven't met any aspies IRL that came off as likeable, but I certainly believe that Asperger's is a disability. Even though I am much more mildly affected than some aspies, most of the major struggles in my life are linked to my diagnosis. IMO, I find it ludicrous that many people (including my mother, a special education teacher) would consider me "gifted" and "quirky", but practically everyone considers my brother disabled without a second thought. I guess what it all comes down to is me wanting my children to have the best possible start on life; if I had a kid who was diagnosed with Asperger's, I would feel very guilty. Even though I could assist my child with their symptoms, I want their lives to be easier than mine is.

Yes, I am very aware that I could end up having kids with someone else altogether, or since I am very on the fence about biological children, decided not to have them at all. This all theoretical.

Disability or not, there are way too many humans on this planet anyway.

Wow!! I appreciate your honesty and I definitly see your point of view. About having kids I agree with you b/c we cannot control whether or not they come out very low functioning. My mom is high functioning like me and my brother is very low functioning... yeah our lives are sh** and yeah it is b/c of the autism but I have to disagree with you when you say that high functioning autism is a disability. Like for instance I wouldn't trade it for the world even after it has ruined my life b/c even though my way of communicating is 'different' no one is capable of defining it as 'flawed'. Because I see things 'differently' than other people I am able to point out a lot of flaws in NTs that they cannot seem to point out themselves. A lot of people with AS are successful so basing things on success we are not necessarily 'disabled'

you strike a good point, and it is one i have been pondering about sometimes as well (although i try not to that often.

while i am not sure on the actual chances, there is a lot of data that a family history of ASD on either side of the family will indeed increase the chances of your child also being on the spectrum, though the further away genetically, the lower the chance.
if both parents have a history of ASD, and at least one of them being on the spectrum themselves, this will add up to a significant chance, if both parents are on the spectrum, it would likely be more likely of your child being on the spectrum then it being NT

I figured nobody thinks I'm an attractive prospect because of the same thing. Evolution seems to favor the most adaptable and the ones with the highest chances of survival. That would definitely not be me. I think it would be selfish of me to want a biological child. To bring someone into this world and force it to suffer the same fate as I did. To live a life as someone possessing inferior genes. Personally, I do not think I deserve to reproduce (And not just because of my Autism.) and that is why I rarely get the chance to. Besides, who would want to bring a child into such a terrible world?

Asperger's not withstanding, don't have a kid if you don't like yourself.

I have 4. My 11-y-o daughter is NT. I strongly suspect my 5-y-o son is AS. My other 2 girls are too young for me to make a call, but I'm starting to think the 3-y-o may be AS and the baby sure reminds me of her brother.

When I like myself, I think they are glorious little human beings.

When I don't, I think their lives have been ruined by any combination of having my genes and having me for a mommy.

Love yourself before you attempt to love someone else. That includes people you create, people you adopt, and also people you meet.

And-- I know you are going to squall at this, but honey, take it from someone who married at 21: Don't decide who you want to spend your life with at 18. You have waaaaaaaay too much living to do to chain yourself to an identity at this point.

Love yourself before you commit your life to someone. PLEASE.

^ It sounds cheesy, but it's actually very true. Nobody should be "completing" you. You should be "complete" before entering a relationship with another person. A relationship is between two people, not one person and a fraction.

I have a quarter life crisis right now and I am extremely depressed. This is one of those things that depress me. Psychologists call this stage of your life the "Intimacy vs Isolation" stage. Everyday I always wonder about so many things...

Should I even get married? Should I even have children? Is it immoral for me to marry someone who will definitely suffer because of me (I have bipolar disorder, chronic recurring major depression, dysthimia, suspected autism/Asperger's, anxiety disorders, borderline personality disorder, rage/anger disorders, etc.).

Autism runs on my father's side. I inherited the worst possible combination of mental disorders from my mother. If I had children I am sure they or their children will inherit these disorders.

I wonder if having children is unethical and immoral knowing what will happen to them. I also wonder if it is immoral for me to get married if a future spouse has to live with someone like me.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just never have children or get married at all.

Something I have felt for most of my life is that I would not want a child to inherit my flaws. While I have never had the option to choose to have children or not have children, if I did, I would choose not to have them. I don't much like children anyway until they get past the babbling, incoherent stage (usually around 34 years old) so having them around isn't my idea of a great time.

But to your point, I think you do have to seriously consider the negatives and the positives. The autism spectrum is not inherently bad. It turns people into engineers, critical thinkers, science fiction writers and old music preservationists. It also causes people to lead frustrated, painful lives. But when you come right down to it, an NT can get hit by a car, become a quadriplegic and live a horribly limited life.

As my grandmother was fond of saying, everybody has to eat a peck of dirt in their lives. Nobody escapes completely unharmed. And most people will be as happy in one circumstance as another. A generally happy person will be happy whether rich or poor. A depressed person will be depressed regardless of circumstances.

If you have a family history of autism and so does your mate, you are very likely to have children with autism. There is much to be valued in people with autism. But it's a painful life. Sometimes I think it would have been better not to have been born. I wouldn't have the joys I've experienced in life, but I also wouldn't have the pain. If I hadn't been born I wouldn't care one way or the other.

Obviously I don't have an answer. If it were up to me... The world has plenty of people on it and there are plenty of children who could use a good home. Adoption might be an ideal solution.

I am 46, my daughter is 20. At this point of time, our autism is running at about the same level. I did not plan to become a parent, but I am so glad for my daughter. It's been incredibly hard to be a parent, nothing demands more from you in life than your kids, especially the early years, but it's made me a more functional person, better able to connect with others. Her father is on the Spectrum, and although he wasn't around to raise her, he is present in her life now, and she is having a positive effect on his life. He wants to be a better person for her sake, now that they are running in the same social circles.

I'm glad that she is on the Spectrum. I don't know how I would have been able to raise a NT child. I don't think we'd have the strong relationship we have if both of us weren't Aspie. I can be there for my daughter, can show her how to do things, do the things for her that I wanted my parents to do for me. She is happy, she is confident, she has friends, she dates, she goes to college, she is a much better self-advocate than I am. I couldn't do those things at her age.