People Who Want to Get You Diagnosed So They Can Blame You?

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Here's where I am: My wife works for the school system which makes her prone to the "dysfunction and diagnosis du jour". That's just for some foundational stuff not to write her off, okay? I'm 46. Been married for 17 years.

Our son was diagnosed AS and during that process it came down to it came from me. Okay, I get it, finally I know why I've felt out of sync all my life! All these years I was blaming it on having a unique name and never being able to find a license plate for my bike like all the other kids with normal names had. I came from a loving 2 parent family and didn't have to go through a lot of the crap many people do and did. I was blessed in that. So I ain't gonna try and blame my parents for my problems or anybody else, right? I figure that's an insult to people that really went through hell not of their own making as well as being dishonest.

Well, she was raised by an inattentive, self-absorbed mother with no father. That sucks. I've tried for 17 years to be understanding. However, she is the type that instead of talking or taking responsibility for her stuff she shuts herself in a room and tells everybody to give her time to figure it out. Okay. I've been patient and tried to understand the best I can. However, it also means she cuts me off from any intimacy and when I want any she plays the "I've got low esteem" card and I"m supposed to be okay with. Been, this way for years. Well, AS or not, no man can just be ignored and still be the affectionate, understanding man a woman wants him to be, when she wants him to be. Right?

Fast forward. Because I can't sit idle do, I decide to pursue my music, writing, etc. that way I can give her the "space" she needs without snapping myself. So, now after years of being pushed aside...I'm being accused of being "shut down" and all our problems are now because I'm AS and I need to do something about it or she's going to divorce me and take my kids.

I'm willing to admit and work on anything. However, I'm not willing to jump through more useless hoops just so she can blame me for everything.

What do I do?

well... obviously you shouldn't take advice from strangers. Without knowing both sides, here's my view. 1. Tell her why you are distant. If you weren't distant in past, I don't understand how she can connect it to ASD. 2. She does seem to have emotional issues. If you can't deal with it (understandable) you need to communicate that with her. Maybe you two should seriously consider divorce. Weigh all the pros and cons... kids, finances, feelings, etc.The only person one can change is themselves. Honesty with self is necessary. If one is not up to change, the other needs to decide if it is something they can live with. I don't have a great relationship with my husband. Wanted to leave years ago but with kids and finances the way they are neither of us would be in a good position. I've never really been honest about how I feel, trying to avoid hurting him. So I'm not really one to talk. However, I do admit I have emotional issues and I've always appreciated that for whatever reason he has put up with me all these years. Anyone else would have left a long time ago. Not the best situation. I just saw some similarities. Please sit down and communicate with each other about whether the relationship is a good idea. Maybe she's looking for a reason to divorce. Of course, if she wants to spend time with you and just doesn't want to be physical, maybe you should see a sex or marital therapist. I don't want to spend time with my husband at all, that's why I don't want to... no attraction. But if she is missing you there must be something there to work with. Also, when I'm upset I need to be alone to calm down and think about it before discussing it with someone else. Maybe tell her to let you know when she's ready to discuss something. Not all people work a like. I think it's fine to let people think things over alone if they need to.