I can't have an adult life because my mom won't let me.

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I realize this forum is for people over 30 (I'm 23) who have been living independently (I live with my parents), but that doesn't look like it'll happen for me.

I want to move out. The house is too noisy and I'm always bombarded by smells and guests and I spend most of my time trapped in my room and it's just so f*****g terrible I'm ready to kill myself to "escape".

But the thing is that everytime I ask her [my mom] a simple question like the typical cost of an electric bill for a house (due to my hyperacute hearing, I couldn't live in an apartment, it would have to be a freestanding house), she goes into a rage about how I'm too immature to ever live alone, forgetting that I have lived alone when I was in college and so on.

It's like she wants me under her f*****g thumb, to keep me a baby forever.

I'd just pack up and leave if I could, but I can't. She has all my money. Every cent I have is being held hostage by her. So how do I reason with the tyrant?

Do you have a job? For starters I would open a separate bank account in your own name and deposit any earnings you have privately.

Wow, tough situation. I guess your best bet would be to find some type of job(if you don't have one) and move out, reguardless if mom has your money or not. She might have a litle "pre-empty nest" syndrome going on, and subconsciously can't stand to let you leave, especially since you've come back. Don't worry, she'll get over it if you leave, and that shouldn't prohibit your leaving. She's just trying to protect you, which is natural.

I have a friend on SSI who's parents took all his money and only gave him something like 30-40 dollars per month. He went to his case worker and got this changed, he now has control over it. There was nothing his parents could do about it.

No. Disabled (not due to AS) and the job market sucks.

I can't just leave her with the amount of money she has. It's over ten grand.



Can they [his parents, I mean] legally do that to a mentally capable adult?

I'm 23, living at home with parents, East Coaster, in suburbs of NYC but in my case in a local college and have no serious problems at home. And my brother(age 21) just moved out last week to a house 3 minutes with two other volunteer firefighters which is subsidized by the town for $300 a month since their volunteer ffs.

Does you have any aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, or nephews on your mom's side of your family that you are friendly with and feel could talk to and help convince your mom to give you your money and independence? They'd probably have some influence on her.

And there probably is a state disability/crisis hotline that you could call(or email) tollfree and confidental for advice and assistance. States are required by laws to provide assistance/support/hotlines for those with psychical/mental disabilties or family disputes.

My social skills are so bad that I can't make phonecalls (I had a credit card cancelled one time because I couldn't call the company to convince them not to do it), so calling anyone is out. I'm not friendly with my mom's family AT ALL. I can't stand them.

Let's try to analyse:

1) You are not able to live for your own - otherwise you would be able to make such a trivial issue like a phone call.

2) You live with your parents and this gives serious hard ship

3) Your parents do nothing to change the situation by helping you to get more independent.

4) You have no further personal contact outside your family.

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You can only escape with some help from outside. I do not know how social services are organized in your area, but you shall figure out and try to contact those. Obviously you have access to the internet - use it for gaining this information and contacting those, if you are not able to phone those.

Also; You are on any disability allowance (or how ever this called in the US): There should be a frequent re-assessment by a qualified health work or doctor: Talk to him/her when he/she see you at next; or to see those earlier: State that your condition had be worsen and ew assessment is needed.

You need to talk with your case worker, to get control of your money, housing might be difficult, since you don't have the life skills, I would suggest transitioning to a group home to learn some of those life skills,because you mother isn't going to be around forever, its better to learn this while your young. I don't think a house would be very practical in your situation, at this time.

I can't go to a group home because of the noise.

Is there any way to find out if your mother has legal guardianship over you? Otherwise, speak with your service providers and case workers.

She doesn't have guardianship.

I don't have a case worker who would actually remember me. These people who give me money only check in every few years to see if there's any way they can take it back.

So you need to raise this issue - if you do not want to wait some time. So why not pretending that your disability got worst to have an assessment, just to get the contact to your case worker?

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Sometime you need to play the formalities - when I got years ago trouble with my line manager I started a disciplinary hearing against myself to stop him via the invocation of a more formal process.

That was some pretty quick thinking, Dussel!

Lawyer time!

You do not reason with a tyrant, especially one that stands to lose the money she receives as your income!

You're being exploited.

Too true.

You're legally an adult and your mother does not have guardianship. Does she have power of attorney over you? Is the money in a trust? If not, then she has no right to keep your money.

Some lawyers don't require payment upfront -- they take a percentage of the settlement when the case is won. Go on the internet and find a lawyer specializing in disability laws. Email them if you can't phone, and explain the situation -- including the fact that you can't phone them. Considering the amount of money involved and the weakness of your mother's position, you shouldn't have much trouble finding someone to take your case.

Your mother might possibly be guilty of abuse as well as theft.