Does my experience suggest aspergers?

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Hi ive long suspected that I have aspergers. I dont want to make this autobiographical so im going to make a list of symptoms quickly:

1)Eye contact: I find that holding eye contact makes me feel as if im losing myself in my partner/friend/acquaintance's eyes. In the past it never occurred to me to make eye contact at all in fact its only recently ive begun to make a concerted effort.

2)Sound sensitivity:My younger brother's singing, my dad sniffing, my mum necking saliva down. These things induce violent uncontrollable rage in me to the point of self harm and violence. Im also sensitive to things like hand dryers motorcycles and sirens

3)Stimms:I tend to make repetitive motions with my face rolling my lips over the stubble on my chin etc

4)Interests:My mum refers to these as projects. For periods I become fixated on conepts or ideas sometimes to my detriment.For a while for instance I was obsessed with my being ugly a thought which dominated my every waking moment.
Im a musician also with an encyclopaedic knowledge of classical and popular music. Ive studied classivcal jazz and at the moment im heavily into all aspects of electronic music tothe point where im starting to program and build my own synths after 1 year of electronic music making.
Romantically I become fixated on a love interest to the exclusion of all others.My last episode saw me spending hours plotting and conspiring how to snare my love interest. I ended up failing my exams as a consequence
Ive also been obsessed with nature literature football basketball gaming etc

5)Social interaction: I find that in any given social order I tend to descend to the lower rungs. People take advantage of me and/or despise me and when I ask for reasons why im given vague non specifics.
In the last few years ive begun to cultivate a theory of mind. Up till now I tended to experience the world as an isolated conciousness. This led to my being perceived as lacking empathy when in fact I was simply not aware of others as selfaware beings as I am now.

6)Meltdowns: These take the form of uncontrollable rages currently whereas in the past i'd often retreat into myself foregoing social interaction and becoming paranoid and delusional. Recently I emerged from a 6 week long period where I consumed massive amounts of weed and missed all my lectures/coursework deadlines to the point where I accrued quite a bit of debt.

In the past however my meltdowns took the form of involuntary fits characterised by damage to myself and property. I'd rock bang my head against the wall wail and curl up into a foetal position


7)I also suffer from both pure O and classic OCD. At the moment my hands are positively reptillian covered with calloused brken dry skin from excessive washing. I also suffer from intrusive thoughts which feeds the Pure O


I know this is pretty morbid and not just a little self indulgent but for the last few years my family/friends have disowned me citing my conceit arrogance manipulative nature and laziness. If I have aspergers I can prove to them that im none of these things that ive been tormented by my very own resident demons.

Certainly it sounds like Asperger's or another ASD. However, if possible you should seek an official diagnosis. That may help. I have the same problem with my parents and I have milder traits. I try to do my best at everything and be nice to my family members even if they irritate me at times.

Yes, an official diagnosis can be quite helpful, as it is very easy to misdiagnosis yourself. Not that your issues aren't real, but they may have a different cause than what you think.

It's on the fence between Asperger's or schizophrenia, with elements of both, so it's possible you may have schizoaffective and / or Asperger's. I would definitely say you should be evaluated for both, particularly since schizophrenic disorders become much worse over time if not treated, usually culminating in a massive break around age 25. Weed also aggravates this, and can induce these symptoms in vulnerable people who would otherwise not develop it, or push someone over the edge into full-blown schizophrenia.

The idea that I could be schizoaffective terrifies me to my core. Ive had a brief look over the criteria for schizoaffective disorder and I have all the symptoms bar the hallucinations (then again I have no way of knowing) the lightning quick speech patterns and the word salad. From what you're saying however what im experiencing could well just be the precursor to a psychotic break.

The psychological services in Britain are of a fair standard but naturally due to the sheer number of loons on our streets its next to impossible to secure an appointment with a professional

You really, really need to be properly evaluated. AS and schizophrenia can have similar social impacts when you're younger, but schizophrenia and related disorders ultimately wind up much worse, particularly if not caught early. You need to try to lay off the weed, as this will aggravate it and may end up pushing you over the edge.

How do you differentiate between aspergers and schizoaffective disorders?
Im not convinced that I suffer from schizophrenia simply because I have insight into the fact that what im enduring is mental illness. I suffer from delusions of reference paranoia (quite extreme) fears of contamination vast all encompassing obsessions dominating my life and ideas of reference. These obsessions are often founded on the premise that the compulsion is an impulse from God. The contamination also takes the form of mental contamination from my thinking about impure topics (not necessarily morally impure but also certain people who for whatever reason incite fear/loathing/disgust)

Common to all this is the factthat there are ALWAYS compulsions which when performed bring relief. Moreover these delusions usually either pass or fall into the background (though they do reignite during periods of stress)

I have at one point or another manifested all the schizophrenic symptoms(never all at once) but they crossover with aspergers extensively. What differentiates it for me is the compulsive aspect. There is always a compelling need to fufil some axction which temporarily reduces the anxiety. With delusion of reference its turning the channel over or saying a specfic prayer for instance.

The compulsions have taken on an identity however. They take the form of an unarticulated internal dialogue. Telepathic communication if you will

Well, Asperger's does not include delusions or completely irrational compulsions such as that. People with Asperger's have rituals primarily because they like it a certain way, not because of any compulsion. The compulsions are more a trait of OCD, which can be comorbid with Asperger's. But delusions do not fit either of these. Again, you need to be checked out. I am not a trained professional. I am merely someone who is familiar with a number of things which may be mistaken for or related to Asperger's. You clearly have something more going on here that cannot be explained by one simple diagnosis.

I definitely agree with you there. The paranoia is difficult. However my social experience has been riddled with rejection and bullying. My own family tormented me for years and even my housemates exclude and isolate me. For me paranoia is a sort of natural reaction to a world which seems universally hostile.

Can my obsessions they accurately be called delusions if im aware that theyre products of mental illness? OCD sufferers suffer from the delusion that if they dont perform x action x apocalyptic event may occur. That is exactly what is happening to me. I fear that if I dont say this or that prayer or go hither or thither some harm will befall me. I just remember reading that schizophrenics cannot know that theyre ill since the disease is characterized by the sufferer believing that they're sick.

What I think makes it seem more ominous could be the fact that ive personified my OCD. Its magical thinking I guess. I used to be very religious and this all began when I confused the inner compulsions which were typical OCD initially (stepping on cracks in the pavement etc) with the voice of God. From there things snowballed. Had I never become a christian i'd probably just be a regular obsessive compulsive.

It sounds like a compound problem. I agree that this isnt just OCD but I also dont think its schizophrenia.