Christmas with In-Laws

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I've known my husband for 3 years. We were married last summer.

The holidays are an interesting time of year as everyone has expectations depending on their family's traditions. I like giving gifts and do not want to be viewed as overly frugal. However, budgeting is required to some extent as we are both 29 and saving to buy our first house in the next year.

My family has always been pretty low-key about Christmas and it was understood that none of us had a lot to spend on gifts. I've always spent $20-$30 on my sister and each of my parents and my sister did the same. My parents spent more on us. My parents usually spend about $30 on each of our boyfriends/spouses to make them feel welcome. My grandparents usually get my sister and I each something that is about $10-$20. (There have a lot of grand kids.) My grandparents' generally get their children/in-laws a small gift like an ornament to share. In all cases, the thought and gesture is appreciated.

My husband's family goes over-the-top in my opinion, but it could just be because my family is so low key. Each of his siblings have always spent about $60 on each other and $60-$100 on each of their parents. Now that his sister-in-law and I have entered the photo, they each also get us something and his sister-in-law gets each person something separately from her husband's gift. (They are not in any better financial standing than we are.) Grandkids/nieces/nephews are likely to start entering the picture in the next couple of years. We're already spending about $400-$500 on his side of the family at Christmas. (And like $100 on mine.)

To put this in perspective more, our rent is $600 a month.

I'm just curious to whether other couples buy ONE $60 gift TOGETHER for each person on their list rather than separately?? I've been doing a smaller $20-$30 gift for each person in his family just because I feel that I should spend as much as I do on my sister and parents and I don't want to be perceived as a tight-wad when they all get me gifts.

I know Christmas is about the spirit of giving and being in each others company. I liked it a lot more when I was a kid and everything seemed simpler.

I'm glad I'm spared this interminable torture every year.

When I met my late husband, I was shocked that he didn't buy presents for anyone except kids. Once they turned 18, no presents. This was opposite the way I'd been raised, where any gift giving occasion was mandatory and always stressful. It was particularly hard to please my mother, who had been an only child.

It took me a while to figure out why my husband limited his gift giving to children, especially at the holidays. His family was huge, with lots of siblings, nieces, nephews, in-laws and ex-in laws, and assorted extended relatives. Trying to buy presents for them all would have bankrupted him, so he stayed within his budget, which was aimed at children.

My son has taken this same path --he buys presents for the children around Christmas, and we usually have a nice dinner and spend Christmas day together with other family members. I buy a present for my brother, as I did my mother when she was alive, and I get something practical for my son, but since we are no Rockefellers, we don't go crazy.

As someone who has experienced both sides of this coin, I'd go with handmade gifts like baked goods; beaded bracelets or necklaces; family emblazoned tie-dye shirts; mini family photo albums; collages; scented sand candles, etc. If you know how to play an instrument, you could also write a song or songs that hold meaning for the family members. Another idea I've used is arranging a Christmas Eve campfire gathering at the beach where I brought the food and did the cooking. This went over really well.

I really think that we shouldn't support the corporate attempt to get us to spend far more than we can afford to exchange something that's supposed to come from love. I've had great luck with people understanding that my gifts coem from the heart, and are not thoughtless, impersonal gestures.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Thank you, Wee One. And to everyone who contributes to the poll. I certainly do not need the holidays to add to my anxiety level and I'm always so afraid of disappointing others--a whole other issue for me.

Happy Thanksgiving!! I am grateful for wrongplanet.net

I know this is an old post, but what my extended family did in the past was to put everyone's name in a hat or whatever, and each person would draw 2 or 3 names to buy gifts for.

Another option for after kids are around that has been a big hit in our family is to make gifts for the grandparents using pictures of grand kids or their handprints. I have done a framed scrapbook page, crossstitch of a grandparent theme with handprints in the frame, angel ornaments using all our handprints stacked together for the wings, a framed picture of my oldest when he was a year old with his hand and footprints on the frame, coffee mugs or mouse pads with the kids' picture on it. As the kids get older, you could get them more involved in helping.

I would hope that the family remembers the spirit of Christmas giving, and is appreciative of the time and effort you pit into getting a gift more than what the price tag is.

I spent about $360 last x-mas so my sister could be able to visit me and my parents. As a reward, she called me an as*hole.

Next x-mas, she will have a nice 250 mile walk there and back.