I'm an autistic dad,

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of 2 beautiful autistic children. I'm seperated from my wife whom has custody of them, we seperated due to her having continuous affairs. I want custody of my children, I've held a steady job for 18 years, when we were living together she never looked after them, I was always the one who looked after them, fed them, put them to bed and read them bedtime stories. Even now I believe she only wants custody so she can live on benefits. I will do whatever it takes for my children, I just don't know how to do this.

You sound like my dad, it's too late for him and me as he as passed away and i don't know if he was autistic but believe we sound to similar for him not to be but I know I would have made contact with him as an adult in a way that was impossible to do as a child, just don't give up.
Don't know what else to say really.

I totally sympathize. My NT mom didn't know what to do with me; all her NT mother could do was hyperventilate over the ways I wasn't normal and shame me at the same time that she was so proud of my intellect and sure (in a high-pressure kind of way) that I was destined for great things.

They fed me and kept me clean, but that was all they knew to do.

I'd have been even more lost in this world without my AS father. Had he not gotten custody of me when I was 12 (my mom died; she was going to give me to her parents but he got down on his knees and begged), I would be even more lost in this world. He died two and a half years ago; I still feel as if the force of gravity left my world along with him.

I'm sorry. I wish I could help but I don't know what to tell you. Other than, GET A GOOD LAWYER.

Get a DAMN GOOD lawyer...courts tend to be biased against the dad, atm. This cannot be emphasized enough.

Research how to find a good lawyer, what questions to ask, etc. on the web. You may also need to be able to document your ex's infidelities, poor parenting skills, etc., and a lawyer should be able to help you with that.

DO NOT do anything that might get you arrested. ESPECIALLY driving while intoxicated. That's child endangerment as far as the court (& myself) are concerned. But also fiddling your taxes, outstanding traffic tickets unpaid, whatever.

Begin researching, finding info on how AS parents CAN take good care of their kids...that refrigerator BS is still out there & you'll need to counterweight any latent prejudice.

Good luck!

Andrew,

Hi, the responses you've received ring true to me, and I have been dealing with a similar problem for 5 years now! Even though we have a different system here in the UK, the reccomendation of getting a good solicitor is absolutly crucial. The dilemma for many Parents in our position, is lack of experience of the legal processes you need to navigate.

Now, I really mean this mate, so listen up ok. Get lawyered-up and go in hard and fast. That may sound emotionally driven, it's not; you see, every battle lost in this fight (and it is a fight I'm sad to say) is detrimental to your long term prospect of regular contact. You simply cannot afford to waste time allowing your wife and the system to accept the present circumstances as the status quo. No - the balance needs to be redressed imeadiatly; it needs to be "nipped in the bud".

Please, don't make the same mistakes I did. I was naive, far too trusting, and not nearly proactive enough. The other party (ex-wife and her solicitors) have played nearly dirty trick in the book. When they aren't barefaced lying, they were surrupticiously undermining me and my argument at every opportunity. Now, that is just to be expected! The real rub, is when you realise that, none of the professionals will do anymore than the bare minimum within the law, and the law is totally flawed!

It is ALL down to you. Be articulate. Be rational. Be forthright. Be proactive. Be in control. Be dignified. Be righteous. ("Be a Man"! ) and Beat the system at it's own game.

DO NOT trust anyone (even though you'll need to be nice as pie to everyone).

Now I could ellaborate, to back up everything I've said, as I am talking from experience here, but I'll leave it to you to ask more questions.

My practical tips for getting started are: find a lawyer who isn't uptight; a bloke would very likely be better placed to empathise with you, and you need to be able to be really candid with him, and hear him respond in a down to earth candid way too. Lip service will do you a dis-service!
If you tell him your story and he gets incenced by the injustice of it, and you see him pull his finger out and make stuff actually happen, then you're onto a winner. If they tell you to brace yourself for a long battle, that may be true, but you really don't want someone that defeatest.

Please feel free to ask me for more advice on anything related to this.

Incidentally I am from Bristol, my ex-wife moved to Haverfordwest and took the kids, without telling me, whilst I was in hospital! I took the case to a solicitor 5 yrs ago, as soon as I could get legal aid, I had to sign on first, even though I wasn't fit for work. The family courts in further out places like haverfordwest, can be really backward and not up to date with the rights of fathers, but typically you have to go to a court where the children are based, so I've been travelling across the UK for every hearing, whilst the ex-wife can drive 10 minutes! I left bristol for various personal and practical reasons; new girlfriend, university, new start, etc. so a hearing for me will take at least two days out of the week. Although I don't see the children, I write to them regularly, via CAFFCAS Cymru. I managed to obtain a family assistance court order, stipulating that the mother reads the letters to the children, but I don't believe she does.

Her main "weapon" has been the archaic "childrens wishes and feelings" legistlation from 1989. This has allowed her to indoctrinate the children, and so as long as they say they don't want to see me, then we have no contact. They were very young, when they left and she has a new bloke who the children know as Dad (very painful). I believe the law has been amended somewhat, to be slightly fairer to fathers. I need to press this issue with the court, and will be getting a pit-bull of a solicitor as soon as I have finished my degree (5 weeks to go!). In the meantime she is using a different surname for the children, even though that is illegal.

I sincerely hope this helps you Andrew.