Talking about loss

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Hello there

How do you talk to someone about loss.

As I mentioned in a few of my past posts my partner had suffered the loss of his daughter at a young age. I simply just want to be able to talk to him about it so I can understand more and even provide support if he wants it.

But while I can understand at the moment he may not want to speak to me as I broken his trust badly he won't talk to his family or friends about losing his daughter.

I spoke to his ex who thinks that she believes that my partner constantly blames himself as she died from mengetisis and she said once they buried the daughter he cut away fully and left her not long after.

I worry cause on the anniversary he disappears without a trace which is worrying not just for me but his family as we cannot find him or when me or his family find him we are faced by absolute hostility.

Even his mother and sister get nothing from him in regards to this and when I try and talk about it he just brushes it away and further efforts to pry result in increased hostility. In fact the only time I got anything was 2 years ago he had too much to drink and he cried saying it was his fault and he let her down but in the morning he said to ignore him.

The other party needs to be willing to talk, for starters.

This. Anybody pressuring him about it will do more harm. Some of us are very private about grief and any insistence from others to talk about it would only push me further away from them.

This seems like something you'll just have to accept about him

Thanks I suppose I really just need to let him decide to open up.

I would feel better if when he wants to be alone he just lets us know where he is cause I don't want him to have a seizure and be alone and hurt.

You should probably communicate that fear, along with an agreement that if he leaves you guys with enough ability to contact him for peace of mind, that no one will pry when he really just needs to be alone.

He behaves like someone who's suffering with deep grief and possibly a sense of guilt, if he can't forgive himself he won't be able to share - how can you share your deepest source of guilt and shame and expect to not be judged when you can't help but constantly judge yourself for it?

To be fair, if he doesn’t even speak about it with his mother or sister, then chances are he won’t to you. He should at least let you all know a day or so beforehand, that he won’t ‘be available’ during that time. It’s a tragedy what happened, and he must grieve in his own way, but if he just ups and leaves without a word then no one can blame you all for being worried.

To be honest I would be ok with that we just worry when he disappears I would be annoyed if he came back usually not on the day but the next day drunk bit he don't he just appears to be tired like he's been walking all day and night.

We all think he's punishing himself and I'll admit I could never understand how the loss of a child can affect you but from what I know and been told it's not his fault at all even his ex does not blame him in any way.

Maybe I'm trying to white knight this but we all worry about him more so when his seizures are hitting hard