Double identies - public persona vs privateone

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So by way of illustration for the longest time I was literally 2 different people. In public I (tried to be) mature with it calm collected (failed aha) I experimented with different personalities in fact and essentially formed an amalgam of traits I picked up from round about. At home however I reverted to being a child (this is 17-21 yrs or so) perhaps it was the stress of maintaining a fabricated identity but at home I would literally collapse into a preadolescent state. I had a lot of childlike traits mixed in with obvious aspie ones (before i'd even heard of aspergers). I remember hand flapping for instance as well as other stereotypical traits. The moment the outside world presented itself however... back to being "normal".

Im at uni (College for theUS users) now so I have to keep up the charade constantly though I stim alot* in private. The effort is exhausting and it could explain the morbiditty of my current moods.

So anyone else relate to the whole dual thing.

Are you conscious of when you switch from acting maturely to acting like a preadolescent? Why is it suddenly more stressful because you are at uni? How do those who live with you treat you? These could be siblings, parents, or roommates.

I do the same thing, the switch. It seems like a good sign since I am in control of when I stim.

Its totally unconscious - I cant ever go back to the childlike state though. I feel as if thats a paradise lost to me forever now. People generally treat me like a child though whether or not I try and be more adult so I probably havent compartmentalised nearly as well as I think. The stress is due to the fact that I dont have a world I can retreat to anymore - im constantly stuck in the social/adult world.

How does your switch present itself?

That's unfortunate that you feel trapped and unable to relax. I don't know your exact situation.

But this is something that I have to navigate as well especially with certain family members. It might be helpful to explain that you have two different modes. And to explain that when you act like a kid you are just as aware of how people treat you as when you act more mature.

Also, it might take some of the stress off if you don't view acting maturely every so often as donning a fabricated identify. I mentioned earlier that it might just another mode. Though it is one that you can't maintain indefinitely.

When I was in undergraduate, I would try to stim or act immature when I was alone. For example, I would stim when I was walking alone between classes or when my roommate was gone.

I still do the same thing. Largely, I switch or stim around people that I feel safe around. I'm aware of the switch, and I can stop it if I wish. But it can't be stopped forever.

Does that help?

When I was in my 20s, I found a party mode that was different enough that friends barely recognized me, and I didn't get in trouble over it, either.
You might get some clues on how to manage modes from Japan, where the public face is commonly acknowledged as an image to maintain.