What is the biggest lie about Aspies?

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I've read every website on the net I can find which purports to describe what people with Aspergers are like. It really concerns me that nearly all of them mimic a medical model of defectiveness: this is the disease, these are the symptoms, this is what "they" are like (deficient). Even the ones written by Aspies aren't substantially different, though they are not as globally insulting; I think the average NT in the street equates Aspergers with mental illness, and that doesn't surprise me, given the context of information out there. (Have Aspergers? You are deficient human being!) While I believe that being Aspie potentiates a tendency to depression (for a variety of reasons), I also think that a great deal of depression and suffering comes from the experience of negative stereotypes and stigma. Aspies as a group are desperately in need of a concerted Public Relations campaign. But where is it???

I think the biggest lie is: Aspies don't feel empathy. Often the "evidence" offered for this is that we misread social cues. This is unfair, illogical and to my mind, just stupid. The two things - social misreading equated with inability to feel empathy is a case of thinking 2 + 2 make 5: one doesn't cause nor lead to the other. The lack of empathy that NTs show to anyone with any form of neurotypical difference still shocks me in its brutality in everyday life. So that's what I think the biggest lie is.

If aspies were in the majority (I wish) then NTs would be the different ones, but how many "empathetic" NTs
are even capable of using their advanced "theory of mind" to consider that?? Anyway: regarding the websites, what do you think the biggest lies are about us as a group (rather than you as an individual).

The biggest lie is that aspies don't lie. They lie just as much as NTs.

I agree that Aspies lie. (This is because they are part of the human race!) Possibly Aspie lying is often based on different reasons from NTs, though, which may be related to the fact that as a group aspies are so stigmatised.

Thanks, that's 2 big lies so far. Maybe once all the lies are posted we can vote for the biggest lie.

Men so to speak lack empathy for other people and situations. Apparently, someone decided to say that this is an Aspie trait and not so much a trait that men have.

Apparently, We are incapable of reading social cues or body language and that we are incapable of learning it because we are "selfish" and don't care.

Those are two I can think of.

"Aspies prefer being alone" is a whopper of a lie, and a huge misinterpretation of the reality of the situation.
It's like saying diabetics prefer not eating sweets.

I like that sentence a lot, it's very much my experience.

I think the biggest mistake people make you write about in your first paragraph, the belief that Aspie traits indicate deficiency much more than the traits themselves merit.

About lying, some do, I don't, a lot don't. I think it may depend how easily words come to you. If talking to communicate requires thought and effort, goes against the purpose of talking to lie. I can if I have to and have experience with the type of lie, but it is difficult and makes me uncomfortable, talking is too much work to make it more complicated than it already is.

Which leads into discussion of another lie: that we are all the same.

Like many, I've had enough of the BS related to "Aspies are psychopaths in disguise." To me, it's like saying that all people with mental health issues are prone to commiting violent acts.

I think a really big lie is that aspies don't role play / use imagination.

One big myth that is attributed to having Aspergers is being physically clumsy. When I was younger I was good at sports and I am now physically fit. I know of many other Aspies on this site that are also athletic and eat healthy.

This resonated with me *so much* tonight.

Well, maybe what you need is a set of equally asinine statements about NTs, written in DSM language.

- Demonstrates a marked tendency to inattentive communication in platitudes or ritualistic exchanges.
- Engages in reckless spending on weddings and holiday social rituals.
- Is prone to unusual vocalizations, including shrieking laughter and excessively loud conversation, particularly in enclosed spaces.
- Diminished capacity to accept or empathize with people who may eat different foods, speak differently, etc.
- Prone to anger when asked to approach situations rationally.
- May talk about being a "dog person" or "cat person".
- Is highly sensitive to particular measures of social opprobrium, including "shade" and the absence of dinner-party invitations.

And so on.

Sadly I believe that the "they like to be alone" lie is used as a justification for the social exclusion NTs perpetrate on us. It makes them feel better about hurting us. Yes, it's a biggie and certainly belongs here. Good posts!

This is one good example of the "all Aspies are the same" lie. Yes, what a huge lie that is! Useful though for NTs, saves them the bother of making any effort to get to know us ("You've met one, you've met them all").
There's tremendous diversity in talents and challenges within the parameters of Aspergers, as most Wrong Planetarians know.

All the lies have been woven together and their endless unchallenged repetition works to maintain stigma to marginalise Aspies as a group and as individuals.

I'm really unconvinced that most people give much if any thought to Aspergers.

That all people who are on the spectrum are also intellectually challenged.

That everyone who's on the spectrum exhibits every trait/symptom of an ASD.

That we're the ones with the disorder.

I'm more interested in what the dominant group believes, rather than how much they consciously think about Aspergers - because in regard to stigmatised groups, the negative assumptions become so ingrained in the minds of the dominant group that the prejudiced beliefs come to operate like a subconscious viewing window for them. They may not think about Aspergers per se, but they have concepts of Aspergers, unless they have been living in a cave in Tibet.

And those concepts, false as they are, are the building blocks of oppression.