The to do list/ avoidance

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When I get overwhelmed with things to do I sometimes get in these ‘stuck’ moods that can last the whole day or go on for many days. I’d say this might be somewhat normal but it is something that has made up a pretty good proportion of my life and I get really frustrated with it. The to do list is like a hydra so what is the point in fighting so hard? There will always be something new to feel upset about not getting done. Well, I guess it is important to keep one's life somewhat under control and not let it spiral completely.

Anyway, the stuck mood is where I take time ‘off’ but really it is time being pretty upset and I feel worse afterwards. I pace around and don’t eat most of the day because I can’t get the focus together for that. I avoid what I need to be doing and the pit of my stomach knows it. I can’t focus on the things i might want to do such as reading a book or writing in my journal or emailing a friend. I finally find one simple thing I can do to distract myself and latch onto it and I can’t seem to stop, even when I’ve been doing it so long it is making me feel quite anxious. Like I will get on wrongplanet and hit the refresh button every 5 minutes even though there are no new forum posts and reading posts isn’t what I want to be doing. There are lots of internet things like this. Or I play my guitar for many hours and get sicker and sicker in the pit of my stomach about the other things that I need to be doing and I don’t even want to play guitar and my fingers hurt but I can’t really stop because I don’t know what else to do or where to begin. (When I am not in this state I really love playing guitar). When I do finally stop I'm so wound up that I have to withdraw from whatever I am doing gradually and it takes me several hours to calm down.

It is not the worst thing in the world. I guess it’s just anxiety paired with a lot of things I have to do (I run my own small business—perhaps not the wisest choice) paired with the fact that I am very slow at doing things and find a lot of ‘simple’ things hard to face up to and get down to for whatever reason. Examples are things like activating my new atm card (my old one has stopped working so it is a problem), renewing my drivers license, making a doc apptmt, taxes). I don't know why these things are hard...only that I 'have' to think about them a whole lot before doing them.

Other things that are hard for me and lead to avoidance are social things, like calling someone to thank them for a gift, asking someone for information I need, returning a friendly email, going to places where I will likely run into people I know. I can be upset about these things for weeks and think about them way too much before I actually force myself to do them.

It’s not that I can’t do all these things and maybe I am lucky in that (and also VERY lucky I have help when I really need it) It just seems to take up so much mental energy that I am constantly anxious and overwhelmed (without actually doing all that much). I feel like I should just be able to get it together. Maybe that is just the story of most people's lives this day and age, dunno, but I wish we weren't all so busy or didn't feel so busy b/c I don't think its the best way to live. Also I have this thing with time…feeling like there is no time, there is no time for anything ever, or that time is just rushing past before I can get a handle on things and I am just kinda dizzy and in a blur. Just life I spose. There isn't time to process anything so the things I am upset about just get pushed back to the middle of the night. I don't know how people do so many things in life and still manage to enjoy things. This is not making any sense. I don't do a lot of things for other people b/c I focus on myself and on getting by and some people put others above themselves even when they are not getting by. I admire that but as for me I am selfish. Wow, this is getting...I don't know what.... so I will stop. I don’t have time to edit this for annoyingness content so apologies, guess it is just going up. Others feeling frustrated with similar things feel free to vent here and I'll likely understand and others will too . I guess being overwhelmed is pretty universal, we just have different responses to it and amounts we can handle.

This does make sense to me. I have the same 'stuck' moods and also feel it has made up a large percentage of my life. Your description of the to do list as a hydra is just it seems, yes. I go through times where I do get a lot - relatively speaking - done, and then I cycle right back into the 'stuck' thing which is being wound up but holding still avoiding the actions that need to be taken.
No need to edit what you wrote, I liked the details being given like you did.
I'm glad I'm not the only one. But I wish I knew a way to turn the anxiety and stuck energy into doing what needs to be done energy, there is a lock or a barrier which I fight with and only win sometimes.

Yes, I know just what you mean about cycling in and out of more productive states. I do too, for sure! One thing that does help me (or might if I actually did it ) is designating more time off in advance rather than taking it as a result of not being able to handle things. . Then you know that is your time off and you don't have to feel bad about taking it or like you should be doing other things. I take a lot off time off but it is usually in this freakout mode and I don't have much planned time off. I make my own schedule which should be an advantage but I sorta fail at it.

Sometimes I almost feel like my unproductive states have to run their course (usually by the time I get a certain ways into it they take on their own momentum). Other times talking to someone else (for me it is my mom..I am lucky she is willing to help) and having them help me commit to a plan and arrive to where I need to be in a timely manner can give me a jump start out of feeling stuck. I hope you have someone who can help you in this way. Once in a while I can cut it short myself and say OK, the damage is done I'll just relax for a bit and start fresh in a the morning. Usually it just kind of builds though, or cycles in and out (as you say) in this hard to control way.

Sorry you feel this way too. It can be quite frustrating, especially when it is ongoing and seems to eat up a lot of time! Let me know if you have any other thoughts or tips on getting out of it. Best of luck. It very much does help to know someone else feels similarly so thanks for your response.

You're welcome, it really helped my mood today to read your post. I will make a list of any things, any tips, for when I get myself out of it. No pun intended.

thunderstorms i know EXACTLY what you mean! i could use tips on this too.

I'm struggling with the "stuck" too. I have tried to do lists and to split things in smaller proportions. That helps a bit, when the jam isn't too bad or the things to do aren't too... something... I don't even know what is in common with the hardest or not so hard things! They don't seem to link to each other in any way.
One time I hadn't checked my email in a few weeks and I had some paperwork to do, but I just couldn't get into it. I had my own business back then (which I now have on pause, because of these and many other issues). I was almost crying because I knew I could't postpone it any further, or I would be in trouble with my customers etc. I had to call my mom to "guide" me step by step with writing mails, paying bills and stuff. It was so humiliating and terrible, I hope I'll never get into that situation again.
Sometimes eating or rather making food is really hard. It's hard to start and it's hard to keep up 'till it's done.

This might be interesting to you: Executive functions/Wikipedia

Bojoing, yes, this stuff + one's own business can = yikes, really hard situations etc. That said there must be some interest and skill that led you to start your own business. I hope you get going with it again if that is what you want. The jury is still out for me. Heh, emails, I have the same issues. I have to send out a weekly email. I am avoiding it at this very moment. Don't be embarrassed about calling your mom, I've done that multiple times. Yeah, I've heard about executive function. I think that is part of the issue. Didn't understand the scientific details in the article but I'll reread it if I can find the focus because I do find the topic interesting. Best o' luck.