Money troubles in relationship

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So I'm engaged to an NT guy and overall we have a really easy-going relationship and don't fight or get on each other's nerves. Which is great. But one of the few things that's really difficult is our money situation.

When we got together, I was living off of research grants, essay prizes and stipends, and he had a good salaried job. Then after we moved in together, he lost his job, and my AS and other disability stuff gradually got me to the point where I couldn't continue with my academic work and I am pretty much fully disabled now. I am applying for SSI but it can take a long time and not sure if I'll get it or not.

So anyway, for the last 8 months we've pretty much been living off of what's left of my stipend and a bit of savings he had. He got another job briefly in May, but quit after 3 weeks b/c he hated it. Then he didn't really look for any more work. We are now pretty much broke to the point we had to borrow money from both my mom and his dad to pay our bills... we are in our late 20's and I feel like we are too mature to be mooching off our parents.

Last week I had a giant meltdown and spent ten minutes screaming at him (which I have NEVER done w/ him before) about how mad I am and how he keeps saying he's going to get a job but doesn't and how much better off we'd be now if he'd gotten a f***ing job 8 months ago. He started crying and promised he'd get whatever work he could find right away. BUT the caveat turned out to be that he wanted to go to a political gathering in Chicago this weekend and so he's going to that and won't be able to start training at this new job until a week from now, which means no paid hours until a week from that, and no paycheck until two weeks from THAT. By which point we'll have long since passed not being able to pay our bills.

I'm really angry because I feel like it was totally stupid of him to insist on going to Chicago instead of starting work right away. We have a kid which makes it all the more important. His trips expenses are paid fully by the organization that sent him, but it still means he can't start work for another week. I tried to tell him I disagreed with his decision to go but he basically said he was doing it anyway. So now he's already gone and I'm just sitting here fuming and panicking about money. This whole situation honestly has me questioning whether we should be together because I expected better from him, and I feel guilty for it but really I am disabled and I have a kid to care for and if I'm going to live with someone I need them to at LEAST be able to pull their own weight money-wise.

I don't know what to do b/c I love him and we get along great but I'm so angry and I know he wants to do better for me but his priorities just seem really f***ed up. I feel like I'm controlling if I insist he stop going to these political things and make money for our family. But it's really becoming kind of a deal breaker. The other thing is if I do dump him and tell him to move out, I'll be really screwed financially, so it's like a rock and a hard place. I really need someone to tell me what to do!!

I can't tell you what to do, but I can offer a few thoughts ...

I don't mean to be a downer, but to me your situation raises red flags all over the place. The critical factor is the presence of your child. If it weren't for that, you would have some leeway in how to proceed. But you don't have a choice ... that child's welfare is your responsibility (and I mean the plural "you" here ... both of you).

To me, any man who would even think of going off to do his own thing, without a job and with a child at home, is lacking the maturity to be husband material. A grown man and responsible father simply doesn't do that, and I don't blame you in the least for being upset over it.

That said, I don't think you're entirely without fault here, either. You could find a job yourself, or some other source of income. I understand about your disability and I know how difficult it can be, but you have a child. What about moving back in with your parents temporarily? Obviously, that's not an ideal solution, but this stress isn't doing you or your child any good.

At any rate, my feeling is to try and put aside your anger, and think about what's best for your child. I'm not suggesting that you don't do that already, only trying to re-emphasize where your priorities lie.

And by the way, for what it's worth, I believe it's been shown that finances are the single biggest source of disagreements in a marriage, ahead of sex and in-laws.

The best of luck to you