Intro - why I CHOOSE not to have friends

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OK never done this before; so here it goes.

1. 44 year old sped teacher and psychologist, 1 son 11 yrs old
2. teacher of middle school severely emotionally impaired
3. long term committed relationship
4. Creative, artistic, comedic/animated and fun to be around (if I choose to be around you).
5. to toot my own horn- IQ is 3 standard deviations above the mean ** have the potential (and been asked) to work on my Ph.d - but that would require me working all the time - part of the reason for being a teacher is getting your summers off AND getting paid!!
6. On a personal level: I was reading various posts regarding labor involved in being social; this was all too familiar. I get paid to be social.

95% of the individuals that I encounter personally, professionally, & in the GP are involved in trite, trivial, and frivolous components of their lives OUT OF CHOICE. Hence, they just can not relate to unconventional, creative, unorthodox, and nonconformist thoughts, behaviors, and philosophies. Also, my droll personality (this is how my 1st grade teacher described my sense of humor), does not bide well in many situations.

Being direct, logic, blunt is my forte and I can not understand why people want to p**** foot around facts; when I try to sugar coat the info, it feels like a lie.

Does anyone else identify with not needing to have friends? I just find many people who want to be friends always seem to put demands on you that are sometimes insane and lack forethought in their actions; a sense of entitlement because they like you - but you really do not care if they like you or not.

Well, enough of that - now I gotta figure out how to post this thing without erasing it --

Thanks for your time and Please share your perspectives, opinions, thoughts, feelings etc... on the topic.

Shannon

I don't much care for having friends, but it's not for quite the same reason. I simply don't get much out of platonic relationships. I like the package deal: companionship, commitment, physical affection, and sex. I don't normally have "friend" feelings towards people: either I'm not interested or I want to date the person. The entire concept of separate "friend" feelings and romantic feelings is alien to me.

Hi Shannon,

and then this:


Made me laugh out loud.
Nice first post, btw.

Personally, the thought of having friends, the kind of friendship they shared in The Hobbit is very appealing to me. However, the reality of actually trying to make and keep friends is just too exhausting for me to seriously consider.

I have a massive problem with this. It's like there are unspoken rules about friendship = being someone's b***h and I just cannot cope with this. Also, I am still confused by importance weighting, for example a friend will go on an on about some subject forever and you are expected to listen to them patiently but if you bring up your own topic they change the subject and expect you to not think that's rude.

I have never been able to make friends, so I have never had the option of keeping them or not

Even with not having friends, I do find the topics of conversation carried on by the general population and family to be mind-numbingly boring. The things that some people chose to fill their lives with amazes me sometimes and the narrowness of their thoughts and ideas.

By choice, I call myself a "minimalist," choosing to have only those things in my life which are useful or beautiful. It makes for interesting internal debates about what "stuff" to include in my life, both physical and metaphysical.

I hope you find some mind-expanding discussions on Wrong Planet!

I am in the blunt category also. I also believe that sugar coating a fact is similar to a lie. If I don't feel like telling the truth, I don't talk, period.
About the friend thing, I was thinking the same way you do, that I did not want to make friends or to keep any, etc, but then my therapist told me that I actually make efforts to enter in contact with others, although it is mainly sex oriented. It is just a different approach.

Everything above makes me want to be friends with you all. I am so similar, I find Neurotypicals so frustrating and I pity their frustrations with me!! !

How ironic!

It's unfair that aspies don't get on better with each other than they do.

I guess we have stresses in life others just don't get.

If they were in our heads for just one day it would open their eyes to what it's like for us and would be much kinder.

One day in the not so distant future, aspies and people with other differences will be celebrated and cherished.

We are on a higher state of consciousness and have so much to offer society, if only they showed us the respect we deserve.

Self delusion maybe? but hey, we can dream.

Love to you all

Rick x

Thanks to everyone for your responses - your validation relived my doubts regarding my logic. Your comments made me chuckle and are all appreciated. Shannon

At the moment I DO care about having friends. I care too much about my social life, and having people to interact with always makes me feel happy. Having nobody to do things with makes me feel isolated and unimportant. Society looks down upon people that don't have any friends because they seem to think that just because one doesn't have any friends it means that person is unworthy of friends, instead of having a bit of empathy and trying to make an effort to make friends with that person themselves and see what kind of normal, descent person that person is underneath all his or her shyness and social awkwardness. But there you go.

I have a feeling that when I get older (probably not for a long time yet), I will start to change and not worry too much about getting involved with people. I have already learnt that some people are nasty, although I haven't quite learnt why. Some people just lack tolerance, and only center themselves around people that fit their standards, and leave people like me in the dark. I'm often viewed as a person with emotional problems, more so than a person with social problems, and people just can't be doing with me.

I don't think my concept of friendship is the normal concept. I think my concept of a friend is what someone would expect of a spouse. The thing is, less than 1 in 1000 people I meet generates enough interest in me that I would want to be their friend. Everybody else is an acquaintance (or rarely) an enemy.

You say:
"Personally, the thought of having friends, the kind of friendship they shared in The Hobbit is very appealing to me. However, the reality of actually trying to make and keep friends is just too exhausting for me to seriously consider."

Me too.
And in my flights of fancy where I see myself successful in all types of social and action situations, I seem to always find myself in an N.T. roll where I interface with others and speak with them with careless ease. This is impossible, of course, but for a moment it feels good.
denny