No Concept of Home

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Although I consider myself relatively independent, I realized I've only had my own place for a year. The rest of the time I've either lived with my mom or been married. Before I graduated college I couldn't afford rent for a place on my own, and I couldn't stand the idea of roommates.

People I know like to fix up their places, decorate and personalize and strew knick-knacks around. All I'd want is a bed-sitting room with a shower and a kitchen, a mattress on the floor, a computer, maybe a table and/or comfortable chair to sit in while I make my jewelry, and a huge closet. No art on the walls except for my own photos. I don't think that even if I became an overnight multi-millionaire, I'd want to buy a big house.

To me, home is just a place to crash, not a place to live. Even though my name is on the deed of the house I live in now, I don't think of it as mine. It used to be my mom's when she was alive, and now DH and DS kind of fill it up.

I totally agree. My last roommate drove me insane because she was obsessed with decorating and demanded that we get all new furniture when I was quite happy with what was already there. My problem was that I felt like she expected me to shell out money for these "improvements" and I was on a pretty tight budget and had other more pressing financial concerns to deal with. All she and her mother talked about what decorating and obsessing over making everything match. It drove me insane. Half an hour after I moved in I wanted to move back out, but I had signed a lease and I was trapped in this hell for six months.

My shower curtain and bathroom rug are in the same color scheme...does that count as decor? I do think of my place as home, probably in part because I can keep things more functional than decorative. The only items on the walls are a couple calendars and a clock, and there are pictures of the kids on the entertainment stand.

When I visit various in-laws, that's when it doesn't feel homey to me. There are walls of family pictures artfully arranged, color coordinated kitchen appliances, and certain themes throughout(religion, art, travels, etc.) I like the way it looks, but it feels so claustrophobic at the same time.

So are mine! I'm a hypocrite.

But they were obsessed. They were always talking about buying things for the house and saying things like, we could have this, but oh, it won't match with this. We need a color scheme! But I'm like, if you think it's a pretty vase, then buy it, who cares if it's not the exact same shade as all your other possessions.

The way she'd have it was the curtains have to be the exact same shade as the cushions which have to be the same shade as the rug, the candles, the lamps, the ornaments. everything all the exact same color. Anything other than that was chaos to her. Her mother's house geniunely freaked me out, although, It helped me understand why the rented apartment wasn't to her suiting when I saw her mother's idea of decorating. I don't have the money, time or energy to invest in making everything match like that. They made me feel like I wasn't good enough for them because I was financially constrained and had other interests outside of decorating the house. They were like, why are you such a freak, do you like living in a pig sty? Ironically I was the one who did the housework. The way the rented house was set up wasn't even that bad, but they turned it into a huge issue.

I think it was more of a power play than about actual colors when I look back. I just wasn't good enough. It really knocked my confidence and by the time I could finally move out I was suffering really badly from depression. It took me a while to feel happy in my own space again. I felt like people would walk into my new house and think I was some kind of sub-human for having such old furniture and being comfortable with it. For instance I have old chairs, but they are good chairs to me because they are comfortable and therefore suitable for what they were designed for, namely, sitting your butt on. I don't have a tv unit and find that the tv still works if it sits on the floor.

I'm a neutral tones kinda gal, most appartments to let are already set up in neutral colors to appeal to a wider audience and I just leave it as it was when I move in, with a splash of color added here and there in a cushion or a photo frame. Makes me feel more relaxed if the colors are neutral and there's not much clutter. I guess we all feel comfortable in different kinds of spaces.

^^^ That sounds just horrible. You're right about that power play-if sounds like they were bulldozing you over to get their own way.