Immature reactions/coping mechanisms (how to get past)

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Okay so I'm supposed to be "all grown up". Yes, I'm going to be 37 next month.



*SCREAM*


I still wear comfy t-shirts, Crocs, hoodies, etc. I can't dress my age or style myself other than like maybe 2 interview outfits. When I go to special occasions I wear the same thing or what my Mom has bought me in the past that she thought looked good. I also went from a size 20 to a size 12 in about 8 months, none of my clothes fit me. I also pushed my Mom away from me (not physically) when I was overweight because I didn't enjoy clothes shopping at all. Now I desperately need clothes! I work part-time at $12/hr and live with my husband, he makes $13/hr. After expenses, we might have roughly $100 leftover.

Okay so this is one situation: I need to ask my Mom to take me clothes shopping. There is so much attached to that request, for her, that I don't know. I have discovered I have quite immature responses to people, where for one thing I want my parents to understand my condition so they make accommodations (and more importantly not be hurt by things I don't mean to say/do and didn't realize). So my initial response was to ignore my Mom until I could figure out how to ask. yeah *sigh* not good. We don't get along real well to begin with and she makes fun of me for stuff I can't do because of my ASD (which she doesn't believe I have anyway).

I'm asking the community, if you would, to please either tell me how to make requests of people in polite, courteous ways and to respond maturely to things, or ways to respond maturely, strategies.... or is this something (godforbid) I get therapy for? (short thing on that: 1. getting a good therapist, 2. getting one that understands/works with ASDs, 3. paying for said therapist (I'm one of those [irresponsible?] people that would rather pay $95 than $300/month for insurance -- in short , even with the fine, my medical care costs me less than $300 / year and my emergency care, if I go to the state hospital, is covered completely due to my lower income).

A starting point? I know, learning to control my emotions ( so friggin' hard with no real outlets, what are good outlets for RAGE!?), relationship stuff I'm horrid at to begin with, and I guess some kind of strategy...!?

HALP??

For me, being polite and patient with people in general is very different than doing so with family. There are just too many long-set buttons that can be pushed when dealing with family.

Rage outlets: Some years ago there was something called Anger Therapy or something like that. It was popular for a bit but I think it has fallen out of favor. Anyway, from it I learned that when I am really angry about something it can sometimes help to get by myself and bang a pillow against the mattress, scream into a pillow, and stuff like that. It is amazing how much better I feel after doing that for just a few minutes. However I must add that exercise is even better for me.

Yes, I agree about exercise, it's probably the only effective outlet that I've found.

Yes, you definitely need to do some stress management on the anger front as that can really interfere when you are trying to sort out delicate negotiations with peeps.

I think with your Mum if you say to her. 'I have been feeling really bad about my appearance due to my weight and that was why i never wanted to go shopping for clothes. I would appreciate it if we could go shopping for clothes I would really like that in so many ways. It would be good for us to spend some time together. '

I think it is always best to explain why you have been distant even if its not the full truth - something that they can tolerate is better and then try to get on the positive side of things which is saying i would really like to spend some time with you as well as get some new clothes. I hope you sort it out with your Mum. Well done losing all that weight. XXX

I am in the process of learning a new type of behavioral therapy and I forget what it's about accepting middle ground to certain types of situations. I am mainly using it because I have a really bad temper and the tendency to retaliate when I feel that one has done me unfairly.

That's immature according to others and others know exactly what objective standards for maturity are, cuz they are sooo smart and knowledgable. The real problem is, you have no standards for your own. Clothing is rather a matter of taste than a matter of maturity. There are enough human fotocopiers out there who think they have their own taste in clothing.



Do ya really think your parents respect you? What is this whole "immature-response" thing about?

4 + 4 equals 8, there is no middle ground for truth, because there is only one truth. Take revenge if needed, but better find out about the truth of the matter to not be a raging mindless beast.

I get this feeling that many aspies are just whiny conformists. Buddies, emotional immaturity is a hindrance to life, but you need professional help if it bothers you too much.