Social situations anxiety and over compensating

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Hey everyone,

I was just wondering if anyone else does this too:

I am a highly anxious person and I only tend to settle when around a very few close people. However my partner pointed out some of my behaviours to me that I show during social situations and thinks I exhibit these behaviours as a means to hide my anxiety and over compensate.

I have a tendency to appear rather manic, smiling lots, laughing, over exaggerated body movements when talking, loud voice, making everything in to a joke. My partner feels that i some how unknowingly behave in this hyper, positive and up-beat manner to appear more social involved with what is happening and as a means to hide my anxiety.

I often come away from social situations feeling exhausted and emotional.

anyone else do this, or am i a new category of weird?! LOL

Yes, I totally do this too, and like you it's my conscious attempt -- which then goes too far -- to overcome, hide or mask my real feelings of social anxiety, shyness, reserve, or even mild depression where my true behavior would be more along the lines of "Leave me alone" or not even being there in that social situation, yet I feel that if I "be myself" it would be unacceptable.

That's a distorted perception on my part, but that's what I'm constantly fighting to accept, and don't quite manage to do so, hence the habitual overcompensation. It does leave me exhausted, and I also go home realizing I keep failing in my battle with this. I started doing it at its worst intensity when I went through a situation in which it vitally mattered what impression I made on people because I was at the mercy of needing help for a while during a crisis situation. I've never fully got over that, hence still doing the overcompensation when I really just feel like being reserved.

I'm trying to work on myself with this whole issue, as it does actually upset me a lot and occupy my thoughts. I need to do a kind of cognitive behavioral therapy on myself to take onboard that it really is okay to just relax and be my real self, as whatever it is I think wouldn't fly is not actually as bad as I think it is, and nobody would even notice anything but just a calm, maybe more reserved person. It's a process of self acceptance that can rid oneself of this oveercompensation, I think.

But yes, just to say, you're not alone.

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Yes, I can also behave that way. Having become aware of it, and having made an arse out of myself on more than one occasion, I fall into that over-compensation much less often now.

Wow, thank you for this post! I'm not good explaining my thoughts and actions...but I do this, too! I'm either anti-social or THIS. Thank you!

_________________
Katniss :heart:

I'm seeking friends to play games with on YIM, and maybe chat if we're comfortable. If not, that's ok too!
No pressure. Just games.

I never feel at ease in social situations.
I am a chronic underperformer thought, I just keep my mouth shut, except when I get angry ofcourse. That's when people should start covering their ears or get the hell out of my eyes. That last option is preferable by the way.

My overcompensation usually takes the form of only talking when asked and keeping the answer as brief as possible but the behavior described does happen on occasion and once it starts I can't stop it. It is like when you shake a can of soda. If you keep the lid on everything is fine. Open the can and there is no stopping the soda from flying out in all different directions.

thank you so much for all your replies and sharing your experiences with anxiety/social situations!

As bizzare as it seems i feel a little at ease knowing that i am not the only person who uses this type of behaviour as means of coping.
I'm very new to understanding my behaviours on an aspie level and i truly appreciate you all sharing your thoughts!

<3

Such an important thread, many of you put into words some of my own experiences. I just really want to be completely comfortable in social situations, just be as true to myself as I can be, nothing more and nothing less.

I feel incredible anxious in social situations. I was bullied when I was younger so this definitely has to do with it.
I just don't feel comfortable around most people. I feel like I constantly have to say interesting things, and that I have to talk about daily hassles with them. But I don't give a f**k about most of the things other talk about.

I find in social situations with people I know, but not necessarily well (such as at a wedding, school function with other kids' parents or a large work function) I'll be fairly quiet, stick to my corner of the room, and only speak when spoken to, aside from with my wife or someone there who I know well. When dealing with strangers such as salespeople or store employees, waiters at a restaurant or receptionists at places, my wife says I often come across as obnoxious because I try too hard to seem friendly and personable.

thank you so much for all your replies, it is really nice having people around me who can relate

Yes, I feel the need to over compensate. If I had it my way I would just there and scowl with my arms crossed. But I've been told I don't smile enough, that I look grumpy etc. So now I feel pressure to "act". But it's super exhausting because I never stop analyzing every single moment of interaction.

I have to look around to see if people are smiling, then I know it's time to smile. But then sometimes I forget to stop smiling and look around and realize no one else is smiling. Time to be serious. I try to be friendly and ask questions but then get excited and interrupt which I can tell is annoying and before I know it the person has moved away from me. It's awful.

I also have a really hard time just having quiet normal chats. I always feel like I need to be entertaining, even though when I "entertain" people they look far from entertained. Last time I did this, I thought I was being interesting by describing a dirty hotel room in detail (all the brown spots etc.) and was told that I might want to "work on that" (not being so detailed about gross stuff).

I did that a lot, when I was younger and some of the time I still do, - but it gets better.

I used to constantly make a fool out of myself--which was my way of "overcompensating" for my socially-oriented lackings.

At this point, I think more about the consequences--but I don't always succeed in not making a fool out of myself. It irritates my wife no end!