Last night, I had my first appointment in months with my counselor. I had stopped seeing her for some time because one of her children died and I just couldn't get it together to reschedule and I let months passed by.
There was a reason why I had wanted to see her the last time, and it was the same reason I had wanted to see her again now. I had spiked down pretty hard into depression for no reason I could associate it with for several days. Suicide ideation was fairly strong, but I resisted. This lasted a few days until the middle of yesterday where I swung up to feeling great and being excited about nothing and everything. I was supposed to see her last week and there was a mis-scheduling conflict with another person with the same first name and I had to wait till last night.
So I'm telling her about these swings, and how they happen once every 1 to 2 months. They've been ongoing for as long as I can remember. And my last counselor attributed it to anxiety. It was treated with an anti-depressant before and that was a horrible experience I hated. Within the first ten minutes, she was quizzing me about symptoms and I was a yes on every single diagnostic criteria for it, and then I had my diagnosis of Cyclothymia, or Cyclothymic disorder.
And again, much like the aspergers diagnosis, everything was put in perspective, and I had a name of the problem I was having, and I had another piece of the puzzle figured out, and it was great. Growing up, my mother and other family and friends thought I was bi-polar or similar, but professionals I had visited just treated it like depression or anxiety and nothing ever got solved.
I have a referral now to see a psychiatrist for meds, and I hope I can get this taken care of. I'm so sick of this cycling of mood that I can't control.
Also I seem to be on the uptick of where I feel great for no reason about nothing and everything, so I feel great.
So yeah. Exciting.
22 Jan 2014, 8:19 am
