Desperate to get out of my room, help!

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i have a place to go tomorrow afternoon.
It is a very important meeting.
i've made 3 of the last 11 meetings.
i must make this meeting.
There is such a clamp on my heart to leave these people to themselves.
But i need to be with them.
But i haven't even been on public transit for weeks.
i can't get out the door.
i can't resist this pull to keep me inside my rented basement room.
There's a clamp to leave these offending neurotypicals to themselves where they are happiest without me, and able to point at me and say "ed is staying home, he is sick in the head."
They know about my aspergers (diagnosed just last 12 March 2013 just before DSM change).
i wish i'd never told them.
it just gives them another reason to look down on me.
But if i could just push myself to be there, everything would work out alright.
i just have to get there on the what used to the usual bus somehow!
The pressure to stay home is overwhelming!
i have never had anything have such control over me.
But once i get there, everything will be alright.
Getting ready and out the door tomorrow after lunch is as hard as touching the moon.
i am stuck in this isolation.
How do you dear people get yourselves out the door please?

If you are finding it difficult to make the first steps to go out, it may be helpful to:

1) Make a plan detailing the needed actions and times to get to your goal

2) Follow you personal hygiene routine with dressing for the plan. Put on the clothes you need to wear to go out as soon as you dry off after your shower.

3) Get your shoes on. If you are dressed for the trip and wearing your shoes, the only obstacle to opening the door and going out is mental. Review your plan and think about something else while executing that plan. I like to listen to podcasts about my special interest--they distract me from anxiety and keep me from falling into the kind of cognitive loops that can make initiating action difficult.

Good luck.

1> make a plan detailing the needed actions and times to make the goal

2> follow a routine personal hygiene plan

3> dress for the meeting, put on the clothes i need to go out the second i wake up (no shower required)

4> assemble carry-bag with all the needed books and shoes

5> obstacle to opening the door and going out is mental (man alive is it ever!)

6> review plan for goal to get to bus stop appropriately clean and dressed well ahead of time

7> today do whatever will take me out of a cognitive loop

thanks Adamantium - it is something other than the pressure in my skull to think about

dear people

i have printed out the necessary steps to get out the door

the only obstacle is getting out the door

have aspergers, social phobia, panic attacks, agoraphobia, anxieties and depressions
that's nothing compared to this pressure!

i have never been under this much pressure not to do something

this may seem trivial but it is not
it means a whole lot to my very life to make this meeting tomorrow

thank you for not trivializing this Adamantium

any suggestions are good ones no matter how small or big everything in life has meaning

When you have done everything but gone out the door, set your next goal as the first thing after going out the door. e.g., going down the road to the bus stop.

Tell yourself that opening and going through the door is just the first part of that action, and focus on the bus stop.

Tell yourself that you ARE going to the bus stop, and then take your mind off the door part by thinking about the route to the bus stop, possible neighbors you might see, etc. OR, focus on something distracting, like music or an audio book, while you go out the door.

If you feel panic about some of the pressure, try focusing your attention on you breath. A good way to do this is to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Pay attention to every sensory aspect of your breath and you focus on the anxiety issues should diminish. Try vipassana exercises if you can learn them.

If you can refocus your attention off your anxieties while you physically exit the door, getting the rest of the way there should be much easier.

And it sounds like it's not a very friendly group, or at least a group which is not very respectful to you.

Now, if it's a support group of some type and you feel like you're helping people or gaining information which is helpful to you, still a close call. 

You still want to go tomorrow to prove to yourself that you can do it.   And you prefer to leave on your own terms when you get another group going, so that you're going toward a positive and not so much away from a negative.

With a semi-respectful, semi-nonrespectful group, the five minutes of 'small talk' and idle time before the group begins can be excruciating.  So, there's some plans:

Do you have a phone where you can Internet?  And topics where if a person looks over your shoulder, it's perfectly okay.

Do you sometimes study topics and make like half a page of notes?  Again, safe topics where if someone looks over your shoulder it's perfectly okay.

Or, maybe casually bring in one section of the newspaper like sports or business.

I don't put this as one more 'should' or obligation but as an extra and something which is nice to have but no big deal if you don't.  And with small talk, keep it light and positive and please don't over-try.  I remind myself of this.   

Any luck? Did you get to your meeting?

Dear People

i appreciate all the help, and here i don't have to be called foolish or an idiot or ridiculous.
i don't believe in luck, though.

No, just barely missed going.
But i have to go again on Feb.8th.

i will keep all advice in mind, and i thank you both Adamantium and AardvarkGoodSwimmer.

Life is tough. It's to make us stronger than the babies we were when we were born.

At times it seems silly to think one cannot get to a meeting. But in the heat of the moment, in the press of circumstances, the consternating pressure to stay home keeps returning.
Last time i spent all my energy freaking out the day before.
This week i am braced for the day.
i expect success.

Thanks for being there.

I am the same I find it really difficult to get out the house alone anyway. Even with other it's hard though. I have had to start doing my uni work from home but I will still have to go in for asessments.

The worst part for me is getting out the door and down the first street too but I do tend to relax the more im outside but . Im still really anxious the whole time.

Good Luck.

You're welcome, edaspie. And please do cherrypick my advice, taking what sounds helpful and leaving the rest.

I have had this problem and finally discovered that the only way to manage it was to stay connected to the immediate present. By that I mean: stop the process of remembering issues you have had in meetings or encounters in the past as you prepare to attend the current one. I realised I had to stop the ruminating process every time it started to run in my mind (which was often).

To stop the "memory tapes" running, I would focus on something in the present: all the background sounds I could hear at that moment; or the colours or makes of cars on the road around me (if I was driving). Looking around and naming every kind of bird, plant, tree, flower.. Anything goes that keeps your consciousness fully focused on the present and stops the memory tapes. I learned to tap myself on the forearm whenever a memory tape tried to start re-running, and that was a cue for me to: hold my head up/lower my tense shoulders/deep breath/focus on something in the present. Staying present-focused was really hard for me though I have improved with practice and more awareness of how much I DID ruminate on past disasters.

For me the key was stopping the rumination process of all the fuckups in the past. Wishing you well with whatever works for you.

Yes, D19...

That is sort of like i did that got me to my meeting.
i told myself that getting there was simply the work i had to do to see the people i care about.
It took a couple of days of this kind of thinking to keep the memory tapes from rolling.

i should explain -- extreme high stress keeps me from going many places, doctor appts. and the like.
i had to convert the stress of "there's no way in the world i'm going to this meeting" to something positive.
Of course, the stress is more intense and effectual than that may indicate.
It has kept me from a chiropractor appt. just this morning, even thoough i made that weekend meeting!

It is as though i have to per-set my mind a couple of days ahead for an excursion to avoid, just as you say, the memory tapes rolling.
My psych says i don't have much "social energy" to begin with.
That is probably the reason i will have to start pre-preparing for excursions.

As i grind my teeth, i say, thanks for the insight and have a Great Day Everybody!

Alright, so you made it to the meeting. Good for you! And okay, you didn't make it to the chiropractor's, so be it.

I'd recommend kind of a light touch, similar to a musician writing songs. Yes, there are the higher probably things which put the odds more in your favor, but there's still a magic and/or random element which is hard to explain. In spite of it all, sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't.

And I like the idea of being aware of the present and acting on it in a positive way.

Congratulations on the victory.