I don't know what to do

Post Reply New Topic

I don't know what to do, feel like I'm rotting away and slowly losing my mind.

I'm in my late 20s, un-diagnosed but I'm just about certain I'm on the spectrum as I've learned more about it and myself over the past few years, live with my dad, unemployed, not in school .


I just don't know what to do. I went from being one of the top students through out school, a relatively intelligent person, to now where I feel like my cognition is declining and I just feel "burnt out". Part of me thinks I should go to college, but not sure how to get money for that, or if I have the mental energy it would take. I can't find work, even when I find a place that I could tolerate working and do well, I fail miserably at the job interviews and don't have much job experience, I have no references as I don't really know many people.

I feel like I'm capable of a lot, I learn and pick up on things quickly, very intuitive. I know what I want in life and what I want to do, I just don't know how to do any of it, getting from point A to point B. I'm an intelligent person, perhaps that's not conveyed in my grammar, or when I talk......but when it comes down to the logistics of certain things like college, and doing the day to day things to get by, it goes completely over my head. I feel like I'd have no problem living a couple centuries ago, building my own home, hunting, farming and foraging my own food, a piece of quiet land to call my own, but not so much withing the construct of today's society. That's actually ultimately what I would like to have in life, a little bit of land where I can build my own home, and working with plants & medicinal herbs.



I think I should get diagnosed or see someone, anyone just to talk to, but that too takes money. Even then, what difference would it make getting a diagnosis?


What's really getting to me is a complete lack of stimulus and interaction. I don't watch TV, not into movies, can't get into books, I don't play video games, I don't like going to bars...all of the things it seems most people do to entertain or distract themselves, I don't really get anything out of it. It's this lack of stimulation and loneliness that's really making me feel like I'm losing it, I've started to hit my head against walls again, and have an urge to hit or throw things, something I have not felt in many years since I was a teenager.


This thread is a scattered mess, much like my thoughts at the moment....not sure where I was going with it, but just wanted to get something out. I don't know how to do this thing called life and can easily see how I may end up on the streets in the future.

Have you thought about volunteering? My first thought was about a special farm / petting zoo my sister co-founded.
(she has been home for about five years, but they still seem to be functioning without her.)
http://www.divertigranja.org/engsensitivity.html
Oaxaca is in southern Mexico, so you'd need some Spanish. Do you have any interest in animals, organic farming or construction?

If you have some college, have you looked into the Peace Corps?
I'm sure there are other things like that if you're ready for a major change.

Anyway, that might be what you need -- some drastic change to shake you out of the rut.
Focusing on someone else's needs is often the best therapy.

Soham,
"I don't know what to do, feel like I'm rotting away and slowly losing my mind. "

I'm 30 years older than you and I feel the same way you do...