Coming to terms with being ugly

Post Reply New Topic

So how have the aestheticallly challenged in our numbers adapted to ugliness? Did you simply wake up one morning cured of the self loathing or was it a long torturous process. Personally it was the latter and I have my moments when some social snub will set the heartstrings aquiver all over again but 9/10 I find the notion that people judge me on looks to be rather silly.Shallow misguided plebians - inner beauty may be overstated but it certainly isnt overrated

<--- Not ugly but not exactly Brad Pitt, either.

I've occasionally oversimplified my self-image to the point of perceived ugliness, but the word itself implies a skewed basis for comparison. Sure, I'm a school of hard knocks graduate but that's the whole of why I'm a fit person in the first place. Nearly all my scars came from my bikes, I think many things that influence our aesthetics are worthwhile tradeoffs. I find that concerning myself too much over aesthetics has direct implications on my intuition, what we're discussing is how to bind one's sense of individuality to their identifying traits. When I was about 7 I broke my nose (yup - bike jumps!)... I don't think anybody ever really noticed.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I'm not ugly, either, but think of it this way: we all get old and no one stays beautiful forever. Beauty is overrated. I was a very ugly child and shunned a lot, I've grown in to myself and found that I attract a lot of shallow and people with ill will.

Most of the guys I attract are drawn to me because of my pseudo intellectualism, and once they realize that I'm socially awkward and not too bright, they run in another direction. Or I attract good looking guys who a lot of the time expect me to be as experienced as they are.

I get hassled a lot on the street and at the bus stop.

Beauty is a trivial thing that has no reflection on who a person really is. I am, and should be regarded as an average person.

Last time someone posted they were ugly, I replied "Pix or STFU" and got a warning for it!

I can see now, in retrospect, that it wasn't the wisest gag to crack.

So let me say this: I doubt whether you are actually ugly at all. Most people whom I have known who think of themselves as ugly aren't so by any stretch of the imagination. What they do tend to be, however, is highly distinctive-looking and not conforming to some of society's preconceptions of beauty.

And when I see some of the absolute mingers that have attracted partners, I am driven to reflect that there's someone for everyone.

I'm glad I'm not ugly enough that people will comment on it or stare at me. I often wish I was better-looking than I am because it's a really overvalued trait in females. I also feel like I've missed out on a lot of the advantages of being female because I can't use my looks to have power over people. Actually, probably nearly all of them.

I only manage to look like an acceptable human being with clothes on, without the clothes, I think I look quite repulsive. Not so repulsive that my partner won't have sex with me, but repulsive enough that I wouldn't have sex with me if I could. The fact that I look bad naked is due to my weight more than my looks, and I realise I can fix that if I try hard enough.

However, even when I was slim, I still wasn't pretty enough to gain any advantage from my looks.

I realise that not being pretty is not a big issue. With decent clothes and adequate grooming, I am not disadvantaged by my looks. I shouldn't devote any more mental energy to thinking 'what would my life be like if I was pretty?' than thinking 'what would my life be like if I was a musical prodigy or talented dancer.' It's just another gift I wasn't born with and it doesn't merit thinking about more than any other trait I don't have. However, I'm still subject to social and biological conditioning that tells me that it's a very serious issue that I'm lacking beauty and that I should strive to attain it and beat myself up for failing.

This is partly why I often wish I was born male, even though I know I'd have different problems if I was. I can't help it - 'I wish I was a boy' pops into my head frequently, usually when I feel harassed by society or nature, which is often.

I only knew one guy who would change shirts three times before going out. He had his own style; not too flashy, but artistic enough that you remembered his clothes, not his face, and especially not his teeth. He didn't cover his mouth, but he did avoid grinning full-face as a rule.
There is also a young woman in town of average looks, but her walk is so graceful that it is more attractive than most dancing. Try to get plenty of exercise, at least, to get a healthy-looking spring in your step. A smile can do wonders for almost any face, too.

Voltaire: "Give me ten minutes to talk away my ugly face and I will bed the Queen of France!"

Grow a beard, wear a hat and sunglasses (even at night).

It's done wonders for me.

I never thought of myself as ugly, although I've never won any beauty contests.

But what I noticed most, in faces, and what made me jealous was the ability of others to be expressive. Somewhere around age 13 years (1955 or so) I noticed many people had extremely fascinating faces. The difference between myself and these "expressive" others, I thought, was their ability to display infinitely varied facial features. It bothered me with my Teutonic (rigid) features, that I had the type of face that seemed incapable of duplicating such variety and decided it was a trait of some people and not others.

If I try to practice consciously to change my expression to something friendly (etc.) and than keep the expression while I turn toward a mirror, I'm appalled. This IS NOT the expression in my mind but a greatly exaggerated version that might give kids nightmares.

I'm holding at status quo, as far as friends and society are concerned.

There are lots of ways to be beautiful. We're all just dust in the end.

The aesthetically challenged?

Well, that's another way of putting it.

I am no looker either. Bald, asymmetrical face, questionable facial hair. But somehow I apparently make it work for me. The guy I am casually seeing told me to my face that he doesn't find me hot, but that I can be very cute and interesting. As far as interesting goes, I think it has to do with demeanour and dress. I suppose I am a bit aloof in an intellectual sense and eccentric in the way I dress, but at the same time I am quite naive. The contrast between being intellectually intimidating in certain situations and being street dumb (or whatever the opposite of street smart is) is something that appealed to him, and other guys I have seen have implied the same thing. As far as cute goes, I still don't know, but I take his word for it.

Also, many people who don't have conventionally attractive faces will look much better in the eyes of others if they're in fit physical shape. Having a good body goes a long way. That said, I definitely need to hit the gym in the new year!

I might not be totally ugly, but I look odd and ungainly and out of place.

yea, i'm ugly. I am overweight which does not help. I have a lot of facial imperfections due to acne scarring from when I was younger. I cover up most of that with some facial hair. Always kept my hair short, because I hated how greasy it was when it was longer than a 1/2 inch!. Got a few tips from a female friend on how to deal with it, and i'm growing it out as long as I can. My dad said his hair started to thin around age 45, so I want to try it long before it starts to fall out!

Also, I have no clothing style, and no real sense of what looks good and what doesn't. Its not really something that I ever cared much about and never put much effort into it. Guess that's my own fault.

Hello binaryodes. I can tell you that physical beauty is purely subjective. As an artist, I can say this. There are no logical, objective standards of beauty. A while back, a curvy, slightly full figure was really the thing for women. Now, it is thin and sleek. That is an example of how standards change. And if they can change like this, that shows there is no absolute standard of what is attractive and what is not. When I was a kid, in the 60's and 70's, most of the super models had very fine, refined, delicate, nordic features. Then, in the 80's and 90's, the look that was in was the models with the full, pouty lips, the smoky sultry eyes, etc. - pretty much the opposite look.