I am so disappointed with myself

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I am working toward a postgraduate degree and I had my major deadline this week. I worked so hard for so long on this but the day before the deadline I realized I can't finish. I figured I have to try and I pushed myself to the max... But the morning of the deadline I had to admit defeat and make the worst call of my life. Calling the dept telling them I can't make the deadline and having to invoke AS. I feel so humiliated and I hate how I failed at the only thing I'm somewhat suited to do. Sure, I got an extension but I wanted to finish it. I have been working towards this deadline so long and and still couldn't manage.

It also makes me really concerned about my executive function situation. I feel like it's getting worse.

Just lost all my motivation for the time being and wanted to vent. Anyone else ever experienced this?

Yes, I know the feeling well.

But really, if you got the extension, stop beating yourself up and get on with it. Nothing matters more than results. Deliver and no one will remember the steps that got you there.

I wish I could offer some good advice about fighting this thing, but there seems to be no easy way. Just rely on systematic approaches external reminder systems and time-chunking frameworks.

Good luck and congratulations on getting this far.

Please go succeed now.

I know it's about the results but I'm just so fed up with being unreliable with deadlines.

I've tried all sorts of methods and systems. I even have a special tutor to help me organize my studies. The problem is that I get stuck and when that happens I just lose track of everything. And by stuck I mean stuck on some idea or concept, not actually stuck as in unable to comprehend.

Feels like I can't properly express what I'm feeling, oh well. Just really frustrated.

No, I get it. I really do.

This type of thing has set off panic attacks that were the cause of my getting a panic disorder diagnosis. It is shameful and humiliating because you know that you are smart enough to see that it should not happen and it SOUNDS simple to get around. But it is anything but.

I just went through it with a paperwork problem at work. I had a problem I did not know how to solve and got hung up on it. The people who might have helped me were on vacation or maternity leave and so I got stuck. Since that stopped my process and routine it broke completely and as a result I got 11 months behind in these forms!

Finally I had the right conversation with someone and developed a procedure to fix it and then applied that over the next three days and it was over. But it could have cost me my job and the initial cause was so stupid.

It's easy to get deep in self hatred or recrimination over those kinds of issues. At its worst you may have panic, depression even suicidal ideation.

But all that drama gets you nowhere. It doesn't help.

The problem is poor executive function and no amount of good intention or willpower will overcome it. It's not your fault. You are guilty of nothing. There is little that you can do about it directly. The only thing is to out maneuver it.

Thnk of it as a fortified enemy position you can't take in a frontal assault You have to go around. Later, when you have all the territory behind this obstacle and their supplies stop coming, they will surrender without a fight. But you have to go around.

Use the distress you are feeling now to fuel a search for methods to go around. And then push on. Don't get hung up on the drama of what you just went through. It's a shi**y deal that you have this issue, but you do. So the thing is to make the most of your situation in full awareness of the problem.

Good luck

At least you got the extension.

Did you have to mention that you had an ASD?

I wouldn't stew over this; I would just try to do better next time.

In my experience, whenever I become obsessed with having failed something, I invariably failed again. If I was able to clear the air and "start from scratch," success came my way.

What are you trying to obtain the degree in?

please keep going anyway, keep trying, working, etc. Twenty years from now you will be glad you did.

This is a constant problem in all areas of my life. I am not as productive as I should be. In the area of school, it took me over a decade to complete my undergraduate degree because of this executive functioning issue. My suggestion is to just do the best you can and keep trying to find ways to improve. The bad feelings are not going to motivate you to do better.

Post graduate degree

well, congrats are in order for making it this far.

you are in a minority (a good kind to be in, the kind with post grad education)

I can't offer any suggestions other than 'keep your eye on the prize'

Just realize how proud of yourself you'll be when you complete your studies.

i know you might not want to hear this (or at least i wouldn't if i were you).. but actually you're doing really well. i never made it as far as you did. i feel really doubtful about the quality of my work and the lack of direction i had and i stopped after i finished my bachelor's. so really, you know.. not all of us with poor project managing skills (for lack of better way to refer to it) make it that far. i honestly am impressed that you are doing it, pursuing graduate studies. that's really good, and i admire you. don't give up.