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Joe90
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26 Aug 2014, 5:31 am

I have a boyfriend now and he likes giving me love bites on my neck in bed, and I love the feeling of it too. But I'm still not sure if it's ''socially appropriate'' or not. I read somewhere that it's only acceptable in teenagers, and that it's immature in people older than 20. I don't feel embarrassed about it myself, in fact it makes me feel like I'm loved. But when I get the feeling from others that I ''shouldn't'' have visible love bites, I then begin to feel anxious about it.

Some people at work have commented but not in a horrible way, but they might be thinking differently and only trying to be polite. My family don't really like the site of a love bite on my neck.

I will probably get mixed opinions here too, but I'd still like to know what Aspies here think.


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MjrMajorMajor
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26 Aug 2014, 5:40 am

Not usually appropriate, and definitely not classy. Some jobs would require you to conceal it via makeup or bandage. If you're looking for public affirmation of your relationship, have him send you flowers or something instead.



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26 Aug 2014, 5:54 am

imo, it's not appropriate for anybody of any age.



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26 Aug 2014, 7:23 am

I think it's a bit inappropriate at any age in all honesty because it's sort of making details of your sex life public. It will likely be commented on in a negative way anyway so if you don't want that get him to do it in places covered by clothes.



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26 Aug 2014, 7:41 am

I see nothing wrong with "love bites" per se. There's nothing morally repugnant about them. I don't like "bites" myself--only gentle nibbles.

I'm glad you're experiencing the caresses of another person.

Alas, they leave marks (known as "hickeys" in the US), which are seen as being somehow not classy.

I believe you could cover them up with cream or something--some collared shirts also are pretty good at concealing them.



Joe90
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26 Aug 2014, 8:34 am

Well he sucks my neck actually, not really bites. That's what I love the feeling of. It leaves more of a blemish, sort of like a brownish colour, but disappears within a day or two.


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Girlwithaspergers
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26 Aug 2014, 8:46 am

Maybe ask for him to do them in a less visible place?


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Joe90
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26 Aug 2014, 8:48 am

Well it is the nicest feeling when being done on my neck, but it might feel just as good on my back so maybe I will ask him to do it on my back.


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kraftiekortie
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26 Aug 2014, 9:18 am

I get the feeling that the neck is more of an "erogenous" place than the back.

If it only leaves a "blemish" that lasts a "day or two," I wouldn't be too bothered by it.



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26 Aug 2014, 12:03 pm

This is inappropriate, but it is a private matter. Since this is something that works in your relationship, and you aren't hurting anyone by it, you don't need to stop, but because it is private, you need to keep it covered in public. I suggest buying some nice dress scarves--not the heavy knit winter scarves. After my mother died I kept her dress scarves, along with a few I had bought on my own. I rarely need to dress up, but like being able to wear them on those occasions. I don't wear make-up or dresses/skirts, but have worn the scarves to job interviews. I think it helped some. They come in a wide variety of colors and patterns, and also a range of prices. You can buy nice looking cheap ones, or go for more expensive ones, like ones made of silk. They would make a dressy cover-up for your problem. You can either tie them in the usual way, or buy scarf clips to fasten them. I have one or two scarf clips, but haven't worn scarves in a long time, as I haven't had a dress up occasion in a long while. Maybe when I run errands in the fall or winter, I will try wearing dress scarves again, just for fun. I tend to get too hot easily, so I don't want anything close around my neck in the warmer weather. For casual, non dress public outings, you can buy bandannas to cover up.

Have fun picking out some new scarves. :D


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BirdInFlight
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26 Aug 2014, 12:27 pm

It's great you have a boyfriend! But I agree with the others, walking around with a mark visible to the public which everyone knows the cause of is a bit not-classy, as it makes your private matters public. Try to cover them up either with a scarf or a concealer or foundation makeup matched to the skin on your neck. Or get him to do them where they will be hidden by hair if you don't have short hair.



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26 Aug 2014, 12:37 pm

as long as it doesn't cause great pain and it's in a place where it can be covered up without too much effort (whether you want it to or not), it would be ok methinks. you'll likely get comments in public so watch out for that.

over a year back i was bitten multiple times by this girl i was limerent with (and still am), they weren't really love bites, but hard, almost malicious bites that nearly drew blood. one of them left a scar that lasted nearly a year.


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Hi_Im_B0B
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26 Aug 2014, 1:14 pm

Girlwithaspergers wrote:
Maybe ask for him to do them in a less visible place?
there's a certain cluster of nerve endings at that spot on the neck (or something like that) that makes it different than anywhere else. though possibly very high up on the inner thigh.....



Joe90
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26 Aug 2014, 2:52 pm

Oh God, now I feel ashamed about what people think of me at work..... :oops: :(


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kraftiekortie
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26 Aug 2014, 4:24 pm

The people at work probably don't even notice--unless they're looking somewhat too closely at you :wink:

It's really nothing to be ashamed of, as far as I'm concerned. Please don't make this into a big issue in your relationship. You deserve to feel good!! !!



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26 Aug 2014, 9:09 pm

If you are really worried about it, how about a fashionable scarf or a shawl? I have no idea if those are in any way fashionable though.