I had suspected for years that my mother did not love me unconditionally and saw me as a disappointment, but since her death last month, I am more or less convinced of it. After my divorce over six years ago, which she blamed me and judged me for and accused me of being a bad mother, I kept my contact with her to cards and letters since I could not deal with her judgment and negativity. When I met the man I am now married to, the love of my life, she was unsurprisingly unsupportive because he is poor and also happens to be black, she wanted me to end up with some WASP preppy snob or something I guess. Once again, I could not deal with her judgment, and by now was living in another country even. Even though she was emotionally abusive and hurtful to me as a child and teen and caused me long-lasting permanent damage psychologically, I still sent her cards on her birthday, told her I loved her etc. Since her death, I have heard nothing about receiving an inheritance, which I know for a fact there would be since her house was sold recently, I can see she would not want me to have anything, even though the fact that I am her daughter and I also live in poverty apparently means nothing, simply because she would not want my husband who she never even met but chose to hate, to end up getting his hands on her money. It's even worse she left out my four children that I have with my ex husband, the oldest one even came from overseas to visit her before she died, and still nothing. What's more, my older brother, who I was also estranged from knew nothing of my marriage or that I was living in Jamaica, which means she must never have told him most likely because she was ashamed of me and the decisions I had made. I grew up seeing so much evil from this woman who let me watch porn, drink alcohol and curse as a child, not to mention the "witchcraft" she practiced, and now the final insult is the realization that she really truly must have hated me. My two brothers are fairly well-off and sadly, my sister died due to a brain tumor, so I wonder who exactly did inherit this money? My mother hated my dad's mother, and did not let me see my grandmother since I was about twelve, but even my grandma, although I had not seen her in years, still left me something in her will. It's no surprise that I have not shed a tear for my mother, who loved to call me a bad mother when I was a dedicated parent, but I am still grieving for my older sister who was more like a mother to me by always being there for me emotionally and showing unconditional love like a parent should. Has anyone else experienced a hurtful situation like this?
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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 138 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 74 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
16 Oct 2014, 1:08 pm
