Melancholy at Age 53

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Hello all, I've been a member of this place for a couple years, just haven't posted in a while. I'm 53, female, married 28 plus years, and haven't worked outside the home in about 23 years. I'm not high functioning enough to work, and be married with kids. I'm already overwhelmed most of the time with 2 teenage boys, a husband and a house to keep up. I'm also an artist. My special interests are art and painting, hiking, walking, and conspiracy theory. I'm also a strong Christian.

I just feel blah and melancholy much of the time, because I'm aging and having physical issues, and feel lonely much of the time because of my lack of relationships due to my social issues. I tried getting involved in my son's school years ago but was completely shunned and ostracized in that situation by certain other moms who in charge of the volunteer activities there. It was very political. I've had a lifetime of severe abuse and bullying by many many people. When I was born in the early 60's, no one had ever heard of Asperger's, and people responded by blaming and judging and rejecting me. Both my parents and my sibs were abusive (but not anymore thank God), many of my school mates bullied me, and I was bullied in the workplace. I was also bullied by my husband's parents which are no longer around.

Due to the above, I have major trust issues and am afraid of other people. At the same time, I get lonely and frustrated by my lack of a social life. The good thing is, I am now in Al Anon, as both of my parents were heavy daily drinkers when I was growing up. I've been calling some of the people from my meetings, and they have been very helpful and supportive and accepting. My mother was also a narcissist, and she rejected me, and basically turned the rest of the family against me when I moved out from living with her at age 23, and to this day, I barely have relationships at all with relatives. I do talk to and see my mom and sisters on occasion, but not that much.

Since the economy is basically crap and because my poor social skills, I cannot effectively market and sell my art work. It is way too overwhelming for me, and I don't have the ability to do that. Being a commercially successful artist involves tons of time networking, and being very social, that is just way beyond the scope of my abilities.

I basically feel melancholy because I just don't see that I have much of a future, being as how I'm 53, my kids are almost grown up, and I have these social issues. I am working hard to try to get out of this slump by getting more active, getting outside and walking and hiking, doing more painting, getting to Al Anon meetings and connecting to some of the people there.

Does anyone else feel this way, or had a similar experience? I'd love to hear your stories about this.

I do hope to see your art.

Then click on the link below my sig. Also, go to https://www.etsy.com/shop/chameleonarts ... _shop_menu

Your painting (your icon) reminds me of one of my 3rd cousin's painting--except it's more representational and less abstract.

You've got a lot of talent czarsmom. Like your style.

Thanks a lot.

I would like to encourage you to post your art... and blog too, on to tumblr.com. Tumblr grows... it takes some patience, and there is a learning curve, but there are lots and lots of eyes on that website, many artists, and art. Follow artists, painters on tumblr , and soon they will be following you.

https://www.tumblr.com/search/painters+on+tumblr

This is a cool "theme" that many artists use ( http://f0rtylegz.tumblr.com/ )... you can choose it if you want. Art that you "like" will appear at the bottom, and works that you post, or reblog, will appear at the top.

It is hard on most parents when their children leave home. But celebrate it... make them feel confident, and self-directed if, you can. Then they will come back, they will share their lives with you, and the lines will stay open.

@tall-p, thank you for the tips on tumblr. I am definitely going to look into that.

Perhaps it's time to see a doctor and get your hormone levels checked, they may be very low. Also your thyroid function, and blood count. Start on the physical level. If all those tests are ok, then explore the emotional and psychological levels. One step, one level at a time. I remember curious fatigue in my 50s - even accounting for chronic anaemia - that nothing seemed to help, not sleep, it wasn't depression, it was just some kind of physical state that affected my quality of life and was very very difficult to cope with. Rest all you can, getting the rest you need - not what amount others think is right - is a first step. Some days I hardly did anything in those times and felt guilty - it was stupid to feel guilty - a waste of emotional energy. Go on and get those tests done, please...

To veteran, when I said "blah" I meant emotionally blah, not physically tired. I've already had these tests done. I am on hormone replacement therapy. I'm only tired when I haven't slept well the night before. I do have insomnia off and on. I find that I get tired when I get myself overextended.

The better you are at what you do, the less social you need to be to sell. Just keep improving your technique and art.