Obsessing on an ex of 15 years ago.

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New here so Hi.

There are numerous reasons why this is happening. I'm sure the "Aspie" trait doesn't help. Im married 4 years; she is married about 7 with 2 kids.

I always do my best to put it out of my mind because according to most people it really is not acceptable.

Without giving the finer points I will just say that it "feels" like there is unfinished business like we where should mates and are souls are intwined somewhere in time and space.

If you are religious it would be similar to having faith, you feel it's really undeniably true because the feeling is so deep down.

Since and even before me diagnosis I have recognised it as a mental problem along with other things my mind does that I rather it did not. So I just deal with it. A lot of people say you should just stop - well that's the thing. If I could - I would.

So permit me if you will to momentarily indulge so I can explain how it feels. It feels like the death of your own child. You would never really get over that would you?

I'm beginning to babble now. I just wanted to, you know say something today. They are destructive thoughts. I fight them all the time. I obviously love her in those thoughts but I also truly hate her for the hurt it has caused me. Logically I know I am the only one to blame but if I follow the feeling- that is what it is.

I wish I did not have this. Please don't tell me about CBT.

Thanks for reading and hello.

Hi Spondulix and welcome.
Obsessing about someone really does suck and unfortunately can feel like it takes up all the available space in your mind some days. It can also go on for many years, as you know.
I'm pretty sure we could describe similar thoughts and feelings, though I'm reluctant to discuss in detail on a public forum. I do think it's an Aspie trait (similar to having a special interest - it's that obsessive focus just rearing it's head in a more emotional way) and I think would be all far too much if you were to truly explain it to the object of you affections, let alone your wife.

Practically speaking, it is likely to remain something in your mind only. If it stays there with the same intensity (although time really does make these things better), it is going to interfere with life and your relationship. The only answer in reducing these emotions as I find it, is to force yourself completely away from your ex. No contact, no Facebook etc. But making yourself do so is easier said than done...

My sympathies, but thanks for sharing on the forum. Although we don't need to know all the details, it's somewhat reassuring to know you're not alone.