How to truly accept being laughed at?

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I can't accept having these horrible vibes that make me suddenly become noticeable to girls my age and causes them to whisper and laugh. I've tried everything in the book how to not get laughed at, etc etc. I know how to dress stylish. I know how to stay hygienic and well-groomed. I don't do odd things like flap my hands or rock, and I don't do things that are creepy to other people like talk to myself loudly or anything like that. I've even worked on my posture, and a lot of close (trusting) people like family and friends have said that I look more confident in my posture. And yet I'm still hilarious enough to get noticed and laughed at.

And it's always by other GIRLS of my age. Not teenagers, they don't seem to notice me at all any more. Just girls in their 20's it seems. Never boys. People often say that other girls laugh at me because they're jealous or insecure, but why would being jealous of a random stranger they will never see again cause them to laugh? I don't buy that. And a lot of people say not to let it get me down, but I can't help it. Like most normal girls, I become self-conscious when I feel people are judging me. I don't want to be somebody who gets laughed at. I am not deformed or spastic or dirty. I'm just an ordinary young woman, and when other young women laugh at me, it makes me feel undignified. I really don't know why some humans have to be like this. It doesn't do me any good. I know I'm in control of my actions and posture and everything, but however normal I look and act, I still can't shake off these ''laugh at me!'' vibes I must give off. I can't go on through life like this. How do I get rid of these f*****g vibes? Or is there a way to accept that I'm just uncontrollably a weirdo according to these vibes I give off? I thought most girls grew out of this behaviour by early 20's? And then they say Aspies are immature. At least I would never laugh at anybody, not even somebody who IS different. I have empathy, that's why.

I've learned not to care if I'm being "laughed at."

Screw them.

I know who I am. The people who are laughing at me, obviously, don't know who THEY are--otherwise, they would be pursuing constructive activities, rather than thinking about laughing at someone.

Again....Screw them!! !! !

What a pity that the terms b***h, shrew, harridan, fishwife, scold (OK, I'm going back a century or so with some of these) went out of fashion or were outlawed by the PC police, because they are certainly still with us. These are the scum that you are concerned about and once you accept that they and their opinions are worth about as much as something you would find on the bottom of your shoe--not just to you but to everyone else - these creeps won't even appear at the edge of your radar screen.

b***h, fishwife, harridan, and shrew go back at least to Chaucer's time (14th century)

Fishwife is a term of abuse? I thought it meant a woman who sells fish, no?
The only negative association I can think of is "swear like a fishwife" but this is a trade related reputation thing, not an inherent property of "fishwifeness" -- I thought. Is it (or was it historically) common to use this as an insult?

I see a "fishwife" as a stereotypically blunt, loud woman who speaks in many profanities--but who, nevertheless, is not masculine--though she doesn't take care about her appearance, either. She's not necessarily "slu*ty." She's street-wise, though.

The epitome of this sort of character is "the Wife of Bath" from the Canterbury Tales.

LOL....I meant exemplar, even more than epitome.

This thread has gone off topic. I don't care what a fishwife means.

Hi Joe, I could have written your post when I was in my twenties.
I’ve blundered along through life so far, by laughing at myself, and the daft things I’ve done. Instead of waiting for the veiled sniggers or the open laughter, I chuckle to myself, or make an open joke of my clumsiness, for example. If you develop a practice of finding humour in your everyday behaviour, others laughing at you might not impact on your self esteem, even when you cannot identify what has caught their attention.

Or you could allow people who really do not know you to impact on your self image. Who are these people, randomers? Work collegues? Have they ever had an in depth discussion with you? If you did talk to someone who laughs at you based on the limitations of what they can see, would the conversation also be based on physical image? Fashion? Beauty? What they see on the surface? Laughter like you describe from those types is usually based on empty headed nonsense, beauty fades, but personal character can grow.

Its not easy but remember that you should not allow your self worth to be determined or impacted on by strangers or people with no depth of character.
Chances are that you stand out in some personally unidentifiable way, perceptive people will always exist, some will be nasty, others won’t, in my case I believe its an unavoidable fact that I trigger something overtly negative in other women through my mannerisms, which they feel compelled to communicate about. I reckon it will always be that way, no biggie, I’ll note it by chuckling to myself about it, definitely not seek their acceptance, and move on.

I apologize for "going off topic"--but it wasn't "off topic."

We were talking about laughing at stereotypes, including people with AS.

Laughing at somebody is caused by a combination of boredom and ignorance.

This is why I don't care of somebody laughs at me.

I've been laughed at my whole life.

The thread is about accepting that people will laugh at you. I've accepted it.

One has to "get around things" in order to survive. One has to ignore all the little irritations--pick one's battles.

I also apologize if I am too blunt.

I understand that you've been through lots in life--but things are looking up for are; are they not?

Please take this advice: Please don't dwell on the past. Dwelling on the past is killing my mother right now.

I have learnt to laugh at myself if there's reason. Like if I tripped over in front of a load of people I would just laugh at myself instead of panicking like I used to. Or if I make a funny mistake or something.

But I'm talking about when I'm just sitting about or standing or walking and not exactly doing anything funny and girls just randomly stare and laugh at me for no apparent reason is what gets to me. If I went out knowing I looked silly like wearing a funny hat and I caught someone laughing, that would be understandable, and I would just grin and think 'yeh, they've seen the hat'. But at least if I didn't want to be laughed at then I could just take the hat off. Well that's why I don't go out with a silly hat on in the first place. That's just an example by the way.

I can only speculate why that is happening to you... so that is not useful. Are you self perceptive? Do you listen to music on headphones while walking? Are you walking by yourself? Do you look at these women first? Do you pay attention to other women in your environment? That alone can return unwanted attention. In urban areas I walk looking only at the path ahead of me, if I stand waiting for a bus, I play angry birds on my phone, basically avoiding/ignoring other people.

Its good to laugh at yourself, maybe you can also find humor in the silly, petty behaviors of strangers too?

When people laugh at me, that's a good thing.

I brought them a small amount of happiness.

If others are happy, I'm happy too.

Are they laughing because you are by yourself and therefore they assume you have no friends?

(A UK cultural thing)

If not,
ask your friends and family to help you by looking at you from across the room in a crowded place to see if there is any reason.

No. when you're a grown-up, most of your friends are working or got kids, and haven't got time to always be hanging out all the time. in fact every time i go out i see more (young or older) on their own than those with people. The last time I got laughed at was when I was with my boyfriend. It wasn't anywhere near home, so these girls didn't know me from anywhere. He didn't notice because he had his back to them, but I noticed because I was facing them. I told him after, but he said not to worry about it.


I used to have my music on headphones whilst walking around to block out all the people, but I started to think that I could do better without music when walking around because I like to hear what's going on around me. If somebody was calling me (like a friend or something), I would be oblivious to it with headphones in. So I do prefer to be alert and open to sounds.


I like to observe my environment, but I don't directly look at anyone because I don't really like making direct eye contact with strangers. Since I have gone on anti-depressants I have been more able to feel less anxious about all the people and just filter them out and carry on doing what I'm doing. But despite being on the spectrum, I am very sharp with noticing body language. So on these last two occasions I got laughed at I just happened to just notice girls whispering and looking at me without me actually looking at them first. Just like them, I suppose. They were probably observing their environment too and then notice me and go ''ah that girl over there should be in the mental asylum....she's doing really out-of-the-ordinary stuff....like shopping in a supermarket and minding her own business....or having a drink in a restaurant chatting to what it looks like her boyfriend....let's make fun of her!'' (That was sarcasm). If grown people want to act like 10-year-olds and start laughing at somebody else for no reason, then they could at least do it when they are not in my ear/eye shot. I think of it as a form of bullying or harassment.


I do often distract myself on to other things to avoid looking at others without coming across as nervous. Like if I'm in a shopping centre I try to look towards the shops so it looks like I'm looking at stuff in the windows as I pass people. Or when I'm waiting at the bus stop I get out my phone and check Facebook or something. But I try not to always be distracted, and so if I'm not distracted I just sit casually. When walking in really quiet places, I absolutely despise passing people, because I feel like I've got to look at them. You can get away with looking the other way in busier places, but in quiet places it looks more obvious and unfriendly, but when I force myself to look at a passing stranger in a quiet place I think that they're going to glare at me or make me feel self-conscious in some other way. I don't bother to make the effort to smile or greet them (unless they look really friendly) because usually people just look at me like I'm a nut, even though nearly every NT tells me that most people do greet strangers in quiet places.


I have trouble laughing at myself when I'm not thinking or doing anything funny. I laugh at myself a lot, but not when I'm just sitting there doing something completely mundane. There's nothing to laugh about.