My Girlfriend's Family Hates me, and I hate them!

Post Reply New Topic

I've never liked my girlfriend's family! For a while, I was forced to go to a lot of these family dinners and gatherings, but I can never say anything, because they only speak about inside jokes and inside information regarding their family, at the dinner table. They are one of those families who forbid discussion of politics and religion. Typical blue pilled turbo-normies! They make me feel very uneasy, especially the mother, who is just a bitter woman, and hates life. I'm surprised she hasn't spontaneously erupted into flames. The father is sickly, and has almost died 4 times, from the stress of having a family in the modern era, and just lots of health problems, mostly due to stress.

I was invited to my girlfriend's brother's wedding, I didn't want to go, because I hate weddings. Even more so, I hate spending time with her family. I took a seditive (oxazepam), which I probably shouldn't have done, and drank a lot at the wedding (alcohol is free flowing, and I can't help but drink to excess when I'm around these people), which I couldn't help. I ended up drawing in their guest book, instead of writing a message. I barely remember what I wrote, or what I drew. It wasn't insulting or offensive. I don't even know why I drew. I didn't want to be there anyways, and I had to put in 50$ for a gift!

Anyways, the brother never wants to speak to me again, which I don't mind, because I don't like him anyways. What bothers me, is that he won't speak to my girlfriend, because she's still with me. It's very hard on her. Her and her brother are close, and I destroyed that relationship without even meaning to.

Her whole family hates me, because I don't a job or a degree, now they hate me even more.

I almost want to call her brother, tell him not to punish her for something that I did. Tell him he's a f*****g piece of s**t for overreacting to something stupid, and ask for my 50$ back! My girlfriend would never forgive me, and it would just make things worse.

I hate people who hate people who don't work or aren't in school. I will hate them even after I'm successful and self-sufficient. They don't know what I've been through.

Her f*****g neurotypical as all hell brother has an EASY EASY LIFE, and has no reason to f*****g complain.

To make matters worse, I have awkward eating habits, and I fidgit with my hands, and that bothers her.

I hate nomies! I hate them!

That's actually very typical dinner table conversation. It's also why they're called "inside jokes" because only people close to them get them. All my close friends and I have inside jokes everyone else in the world wouldn't even chuckle at, as I'm sure you do with your girlfriend. If you try forming a closer relationship to them you might get them. It's also just as common to talk about family matters when you're among family. If the problem for you is you don't know how to contribute to either discussion, consider starting the conversation next time.
Wait, what? Why is this bad? Some people just acknowledge these topics can't be handled, my uncle is FAR too passionate about his political beliefs (which, of course, are all the anti-gay ones) so the family just acknowledges we don't bring up politics and religion because it never works out.

Why, though? Look, I don't want to bash you but it sounds like you're just throwing labels on them to try to justify the fact that you mention her family hates you. I can't make much sense of this. Why do you feel she's bitter? I've been around several bitter people in my lifetime and I can get a good feel of why. I'm not questioning weather or not you know, I just want to make sure you actually feel this way about her being bitter, rather than just saying hateful things about her because you two don't get along.


It's part of the deal, though. Every relationship is expected to result in marriage, so you really do need to take the time to get to know her family if you're expecting this relationship to go anywhere. We all hate weddings and social gatherings but some things like this we're just responsible for.

You're blaming her brother for something that is your fault. I don't know how bad it was that you drew in the guestbook.. I know little about weddings but I assume that guestbook will be saved for the rest of their marriage, and they have to look at it. Also, getting highly drunk at a wedding is very disrespectful. You chose to blame him instead of yourself, really, it's on you to apologize to him and own up to your mistake.


You're presenting yourself as an unemployed, uneducated miserable drunk to her family. Do you expect them to like you? I'm sorry if you don't like to hear this, but honestly based on what you're written here it's the truth.

I know how hard it is from my own experience to gain acceptance from neurotypicals. I know how hard it is to get a job or be self sufficient. This attitude will accomplish neither goal, though. We can't just say "I have autism" and get people to accept us and understand our struggles - I wish we could, my life would be a million times easier personally. We have to work for those things.


Obviously that will make it worse, but what you call "stupid and overreacting" he takes very seriously.

How does your girlfriend feel about all this? She is really putting up with a LOT, there is no woman in the world worth more than my relationship to my brother and sister. I hope you take that in mind. You have to care about what she wants just as much as what you want.

Perhaps I didn't explain myself clearly enough...

oh well...

Either way, I took seditive, because I didn't want to be irritable at the wedding, and I drank because I was irritable at the wedding. Her parents never liked me, and they're those "prove your worth to us" people, who I naturally don't like. I have always felt uncomfortable around them, and I brought up the inside info at the dinner table conversation, because they would always ask my girlfriend, "why doesn't he talk?! why does he just sit there awkard?"

Their aura is abrasive to mine, and mine to theirs.

These are people who don't like people who are different.

From the moment I met them, I immediately felt uncomfortable around them. Especially the mother.

I don't drink at my family gatherings, or if I do, it's just a beer or two, or a glass of wine.

I'm a nice, polite person, and it's very difficult for me to be hated by people who I should be somewhat amicable with.

Last edited by jkrane on 20 Jan 2015, 11:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think when you are visiting with your girlfriend's family, just be polite for her sake. You don't have to like them but you don't have to be rude either. And during conversations, you don't have to be the talk of the table. Just eat quietly and get out of there; sometimes there is this pressure to talk. I don't know if these people have been directly rude to you or why you dislike them so much. But I think you were out of line at the wedding (in my opinion); just because you hate weddings doesn't mean you have to take it out on everybody else. Sometimes we have to do things we don't like (like go to an event) and how often does a person have to go to a wedding? With this attititude, you'll lose your girlfriend eventually. If she is worth it to you, just be polite when you have to see her family. It isn't like you see them all the time so why let them have so much power over you? Just my opinions, no offence.

I also think jkrane made some very good points. It is easy to blame. To be a strong person means taking responsibility for yourself to improve. Don't just blame or get mad when people tell you what you don't want to hear. I've been defensive too. You don't have to just accept all criticism but sometimes we have to and you were out of line. I think because you are feeling bad about yourself and your girlfriend's family makes you feel worse.

You should write an apology letter to the brother and then you should start working on yourself. Not everyone is against you. I know it is easy to feel this way; I've been there. I've been rejected a lot in my life too. But not all NT's are horrible. Some autistic people are jerks too. People can be jerks and all people can struggle.

Work on yourself and don't let anger and bitterness ruin your life. I know it is hard when you've struggled and you think everyone is judging you. Own your mistakes and find your niche. Life will get better.

And don't change who you are. Don't start talking just because they want you to; just be you. Be polite and only talk if you feel like it. I used to try to change for people and it didn't work out. I learned to talk more but I had to do it on my own time and not just talk because someone demanded I be like them.

lol...

I thought the picture was going to be well recieved. I've done the same thing at other weddings and affairs, people liked it. Prolonged anxiety makes me lose control of my reasoning and behaviour because all my energy is being used up by the anxiety, and I have no more mental energy and fortitude to analyze every one of my thoughts and movements, so I can filter the bad or culturally inappropriate ones.

It's an endurance thing...I petered out after 9 hours of being with that family. I couldn't even imagine going on vacation with them! I'd rather kill myself!

I didn't type the original threat as properly would like to. Either way, I'm exempt from their family gatherings...thank god...

In your first message you stated that you don't remember what you drew or why you drew it.

lol...i contradicted myself...just thinking back about the event I was trying to make sense of it...again, I muddled up my words with this one...

brain fog...

What did you draw? Do you remember? If not, I'd ask the girlfriend to find out. Was it for example, a Garfield the cat picture or perhaps it was something rude.

I guess that's fair to say. I've met a lot of people who don't like me just for being me. It makes a lot more sense when you put it that way. There's people like my boss who I'll just never like and he'll never like me for similar reasons.

This may come off as kind of insensitive, but you may want to consider breaking up with your girlfriend. If her family is that toxic, I sure as hell wouldn't want to have anything to do with them.

And I agree, "blue-pilled normies" piss me off as well. I am thankful to currently be living with people who are quite the opposite, those people being my grandparents, though I know this can't last forever, and I have to find somewhere else to live soon.

Sounds like your girlfriend's family are judgmental people. Not very nice people. Unfortunately there are many people like that. As 886 stated, I think your getting badly drunk at the wedding is your own fault. But even if that hadn't happened, you wouldn't be having a great relationship with them any way.

If you pursue your relationship with your girlfriend further and marry her, you are not marrying her family, but just her. I think it's very difficult to change your relationship with her family unless they change their personalities. You have no obligation to see her family. If she cannot accept that, then your relationship with her is not going to work. In some cultures, when you marry someone, you are marrying his/her whole family but I don't think you live in such a culture. You need to seriously discuss this with your girlfriend. She needs to accept your never seeing her family again and you need to accept her sometimes needing to spend time with her family. It will be difficult for her as she is in the middle but that's the only way your relationship with her can work. There is really no point in you having to get stressed about having to see them. Life doesn't have to be unnecessarily difficult like that.

Well, that's my opinion.

This is coming from an NT female, who is an artist.

The bride is the one who is pissed at you, and most likely her whole side of the family. Men don't give a rat's ass about the address book. Depending on how trashed you got, and in her mind defaced her address, yah...this wasn't a high five good job moment. I would never doodle in an address book unless I knew both the bride and the groom. This is the s**t that gets remembered until the dirt hits the casket.

So while it feels good being furious at the brother, he is only the bringer of the bad news. You have no clue what s**t storm he got from his wife's side of the family, and I'm guessing it was quite a lot to get him to say anything. Most people do not say boo about crap wedding behavior. You must have put on quite a show to have this much angst and BS flowing.

So between the drug haze, booze, the doodles and god knows what you said to who, the bride probably tore a new orifice into her husband for his sister's douche bag acting boy friend. yeah...the brother's life isn't very pretty right now. If the MIL is rip s**t, it's a hot mess over there.

Believe me, men do not give a crap (usually) about the wedding stuff. This is not coming from him. It's coming from everyone. Probably you GF's mom, MIL and the bride.

I've been married since 1988. You marry the family, unless you are estranged from your own families. You will be dealing with this s**t forever. If you love your GF, it is time to pull your big boy pants on and stop acting like a spoiled frat boy.

Save the religion and politics discussions for bull sessions with your friends. No one wants to that mess during a family dinner. It isn't the time and place. And yes, every group has inside jokes and knowledge. Small talk sucks for NTs, and it takes effort to fit in, and this is coming from an extroverted NT.

I'm an NT, and I can't stand my ILs. My MIL has Aspergers and I'd rather feed my head through a wood chipper than deal with her. BUT she is good with/to our child, so never a snotty remark out of my mouth about grandma. Our kid has only heard about grandma's good qualities, and not the boat load of others that drive us crazy.

My Aspie husband burned many bridges with my relatives. He has the social skills of a 12 year old. Everything was dull, sucky, BORING, superficial, trite, stupid, picture how thrilled a 12 year old boy is at a wedding. Yeah. But the problem really was my husband was panicking inside. He had no adult social scripts to handle any of it. All his social skills were scripts dealing with his gamer friends. So he would start talking about a car bomb tragedy, or some conspiracy theory, and everyone would look at like he lost his mind. I had people flat out tell me to divorce him. You haven't lived until you own GP and shrink tells you your spouse is the weirdest, most f****d up person they have ever met, and my health issues would decrease by 80% if this spazz of a human was out of my life.

I didn't listen to those people.

I would not confront the brother, because your issue is most likely with the bride. He's cutting you/GF out so that he can tell everyone "he did something". I would seriously reconsider my long term goals with your GF. If this is just for good times, I wouldn't go to any more family functions. If this is to a date to mate situation, you have to reframe your thinking about the family. It's not up to everyone to change for you. Get some therapy on how to handle these situations because if it isn't this current GF, it will pop up with the next, just a variation on the theme.

Good Point, the brother probably doesn't care as much about the signature book.

It would be best to write an apology letter to both the groom and the bride. Perhaps telling them that you were sorry for getting drunk at the wedding and doodling in the wedding book, something like that-at least it is an acknowledgment. Or you could call them and apologize. Meeting them face to face might be stressful for you.

Just my opinions.