my partner has stated that he thinks I have aspergers

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Hi all, apologies for this first post. I do not know how to begin really.

I am a female in my early thirties. Last weekend my partner stated that he thinks I have aspergers.

This came about because he was stating that when he asked how my day is, I never elaborate. I do not understand how stating that "I was okay" is the not the right answer? I am not sure why or how he wants me to expand on this? I get frustrated because I think this kind of answer is acceptable. Why do people ask one question but then, it would appear, they mean another?

While it is true that I do not do well in social situations, and I need a lot of time on my own, I thought it was because I am shy.

I am very confused. I asked for advice from someone who knows us both, and he said it was possible too?! He said "well, you are not at ease in social situations and obviously academically oriented with a strong capacity to focus on things".

I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

This is really affecting thing...he says I just "shut down" and talk in a flat voice like a robot..

I don't mean to do this...I am afraid things will not work out and I am tempted to break up with him because he is trying to get me to be what I am not.

Well, read a book or two on Asperger's and see if you identify. Find one written specifically for women, preferably by a woman. This is important because both the symptoms and presentation of Asperger's is different in women than in men. I know there are a few such books out there; the only ones that spring to mind at the moment are "Aspergirls" and "Pretending to be Normal".
You should probably also try to determine your partner's motivation for bringing up this issue. Some people just throw Asperger's out there when they're looking for an excuse to break up. Other people are genuinely trying to be helpful (even if they are not necessarily correct). Just a heads up in case he's one of the former.

It seems to me that you should think about what you like about him and what you want out of the relationship.
Also that you should ask him to be very open about what he likes about you and what he wants out of the relationship.

If you can focus on what you like about him and he can focus on what he likes about you, then you should be able to find ways to work around the parts where your expectations and behaviors don't align. He wants some kind of sign of emotional connection from you that he isn't getting and you want acceptance from him that he isn't giving.

If he can accept your reassurance that you care about him even when you say "it was OK" and he can reassure you that he is OK with you being your real self and doesn't want to change you, then you should be fine.

If you can't work those things out, then the whole thing may not work out.

Good luck, either way.

Edited to add: These things are true regardless of your neurological status.

You may be autistic, you may not--either way, nothing has changed. You are what you are. If he is happy with the idea that you might have Aspergers because he thinks that means it will help change you, then you have a problem, but if he thinks the knowledge will help you to accept each other as you are, then things could get better.

Sounds like he is concerned, because he brought it upon the context of wanting more from you.
If you are functioning well and are happy, then don't bother about the comment. If you are concerned that undiagnosed autism is effecting your life, then talk your doctor about it.
Either way, he is showing dissatisfaction, so you have to do some work on communication strategies with him.

It might be worth getting a professional diagnosis. Then again it might not. Do YOU want to get along better with people? Are you experiencing problems (other than discord with your partner) that might be linked to having AS? You might be able to get help with these problems. If you are in your 30's and high-functioning, there might not be much benefit to getting an official diagnosis other than having peace of mind.