Aspie Couple in Crazy Situation

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I am a female recently diagnosed with Aspergers, my husband most likely has this too yet refuses to address it. I am affected mainly with increased anxiety, poor time management and sensory issues. He is dyslexic and rigid with poor theory of mind. I go to counseling & am trying to improve, he refuses to recognize nor fix his issues. Recently he told me that I should move out. He did express that this was so that I could learn to be appreciative. We are also very crowded in a small space. This is all very confusing as I spent time as a homeless nomad & am generally so appreciative. By some miracle I was able to get a doctorate & he has expressed that this makes him uncomfortable. I am not good at multi-tasking & housework. I feel like he may just have wanted a housekeeper & of course that is not me. Here is the challenge, we have a 13 year old daughter that is extremely close to me & indifferent to him due to his lack of mercy & ability to understand her. If I move out, I will have to move far away & take a travel position for us to get by. This situation is so confusing to me. We were very in love at one time. There is no adultery, abuse or anything that is concrete like that. We are still very close physically. What should I do? Does anyone else have any experience with a situation such as this?

Man, that is tough for sure. Cant say I can relate to all aspects of your problem, but I am married and am the rigid husband. My wife is way more proactive and willing to try things to change. I am more reluctant. Ive never told her to leave, though we've had to have the divorce talk at least twice because of the constant friction.

I love her deeply, and I think she does love me too, but the constant stress of us both being the way we are pushes us apart. It used to unify us. We're trying now to figure out how to get back to that. It starts with my being less rigid, and her being less pushy against my rigidity.

Now I dont know this guy, dont know if hes reasonable to talk with or not. I usually try to, though it usually ends up in my not accepting what my wife has to say and her getting pissed at me over it.

I guess what Im trying to say is maybe you need a mediator to help. He needs to trust you and maybe you need to b e less intrusive i dunno

No, I've got my own problems.

Do you still love him, and is that love enough for you to live with the situation as it is right now? Because you describe it as him being unwilling to change. Of course, I'm in the camp of 'try anything if you want to', so I wouldn't necessarily call even abuse (if there are steps being taken to resolve it), adultery, etc. reasons to leave someone. In the same vein, I think that 'I just don't want to be with you anymore' is a perfectly valid reason to leave someone.
But it is your own life, and obviously you are the one looking after your daughter.
You have no responsibility to be with him. Be with him if you desire to be with him. Don't stay with him because the there are no obvious 'relationship-breaking' things that are happening. That's not how it works. How it works is "Is this the life you desire with that person?" That's it. Following that advice is where the general 'if there's cheating, leave' comes into play; it is not the cheating that causes the break-up, it is the 'I cannot be in a relationship with you if you cheat because that is not something I want to live with'.
Is this something you want to live with?

Appreciative of who or what anyways, him??? If it's him, he deifnitely has blinders.

It certainly sounds like your relationship needs more communication and work than it is getting. I don't know how to make that happen, but one band-aid you could try would be to hire a housekeeper. You mentioned both that your husband wants a housekeeper, and that you aren't one, so perhaps adding one to the mix would help settle things down, at least temporarily.

He's uncomfortable with your doctorate? He'll have to get over it. Most men will be either secretly or overtly uncomfortable with your intelligence and education. If you go out into the dating world, you'll still have to deal with this attitude.

Moving out to be appreciative just sounds like a jerk thing a person would say in an argument. Maybe HE should appreciate YOU.

You need a bigger living space and to throw away everything you don't absolutely need. I like to watch that show Hoarders before I clean and it disgusts me into throwing away more than I would have ordinarily. Make your dude and your kid help. More space will give you YOUR own room and HIS own room, which is important for aspies and just for adults. I think it's best for adults to each have their own special interest rooms. My husband has a man cave for video games and knife collecting and I have a library.

Your husband and daughter should find something they like to do together and make it a regular "date." He might never understand her feelings, but he's never been a young girl and she'll probably never be a grown man, so maybe that's okay. They'll figure it out.

I say give it a chance. You can call it quits anytime. But going out there into the world means you'll eventually just be trading him in for someone else's discarded husband, who THEY got sick of. There's a lot in your post that makes me think you guys aren't ready to throw in the towel.

His saying to you that you need to move out so that it makes you "more appreciative".....when you've already been a person who has been homeless in the past....

I'm sorry but that IS a jerk thing to say to you. I find that actually shocking. Someone who loves a person shouldn't be telling them to get out so that they learn to appreciate something or someone more. You're the mother of his child and he's telling you to leave, to teach you some kind of lesson in "appreciation"?

Second strike against him -- he's uncomfortable that you earned your doctorate? Jeez louise. That's a big baby right there. Sorry to be blunt but stuff like this makes my blood boil. Partners should support the triumphs of their loved one, not feel threatened by them.

I wasn't there to hear the context or his tone but I don't like this one bit and he sounds on paper like a jerk for these two things alone.