Taking the initiative with ill loved ones

Post Reply New Topic

It's hard to emotionally detach from feelings and wishes of ill and dying loved ones.

My granddad is getting very old now he’s 85. The unusual thing is I’m not sure what I can do with him to fulfil his last few remaining years of his life left.
He’s less mobile and engages less in activities than he used to. Talking is getting hard, puffing in short breaths all the time. The red puffer is not a life safer later on.
I know he would like to do more, but he’s got COPD a chronic respiratory life condition which I believe was inherited by his forefathers and conditions of living and breathing in smoky London air.. Of course cigars, cigarettes and all tobacco and nicotine based products starve the mind and spread poison throughout the body.. In the long term.
I spend much of my time with him, although I’ve had to cut down now because of spending cuts and the money I have to spend due to the living wage.
I’m not sure how the family are going to cope without him, when he’s gone.
Really, he is the life of the family and copes stronger than the rest of us.
The cemetery is adjacent to the estate, next to my granddad and we of course visit a lot.
I’m getting more and more upset at visiting something I in a sense don’t want to stop paying my respect but don’t want to grieve again in a short period of time. I recently lost a well thought of family member from a fatal stroke and pneumonia, what Cilla Black died of, but he always had strokes.
My granddad has two other siblings too, but the wife of the recently departed is also now ill. So, more bad news is imminent.
Another member of my extended family had lost a mother. She once trained me up in a shop, of course I sent my condolences. Her last wish was to leave a lasting gift to her grandchildren, and my second cousin, and others, to buy any gift of their choice in one of London’s largest department stores, but she never made it.
So, I guess she has instead left it in her will instead.. from her last divorce and real estate.
My Nan’s welsh sister mo, is still alive but with progressive dementia.
I have hope she’ll last another seven years or so, but of course we don’t want her veering to the last few manic stages of her lie, but the choices from her dearest departed spouses will is left in power of attorney, and my granddad has very graciously been taking her out once a week, which is much more than her own family do. I do have a caring relative my third cousin, her third eldest grandson who doesn’t have the gall to endear himself to the money. Her first grandson lives with her and is recently out of work and has.. memory related problems too but does his bit to keep food resources flowing.
Assuming my thread is NOT going to be open to the laws of science I want to hear their experiences.. Even on extreme cases.
People who are in money, or in abuse of their authority I’d rather they share their thoughts elsewhere, the last thing anyone wants to be reminded of despite a rather cloudy insight into their wrong doing is how they were placed in a position where they had little choice but they had to place a member into a care home. YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE.
Some people are maybe too sadistically minded to care otherwise. Homes are not homes that are in abuse of their own power, and quite frankly ought to have a taste of their own medicine, just like any wild poachers and conmen hoping to get off lightly. They won’t.

I think I would err on the side of "being there" for family members.

Sometimes, that means "taking the initiative."

Most people will respect people who help family members more than those who, through some sort of bitterness, don't help them.

The respect from people comes from how they treat their loved one and combine this to interact well with each other regarding home help for instance, and one another.
It's true, my granddad is a stubborn man, but there is some peace in that we are all there for him and I don’t ever remember a time, when he wasn’t there for us.
So no, I’m not going to leave him to fend for himself, that’s like taking the cowards way out.
It was harder before when we were dealing with problems that get exploited incorrectly and cruelly its not just God that punishes us in different ways, I’m only explaining my problems here so I don’t have to see a Samaritan about it or go to another place for advice that ask families how are they coping and give them ways about coping with loss, it’s been hard, like searching between a rock and a hard place.
I can't be there all the time, but I do what I can like clean up his place and offer a chat.
I wouldn’t have dealt with this much if other mental conditions had been present, like with my Nan, but besides dyslexia, the outcome speaks for itself, but can be prevented by not being limited to one option.
I’m the only one who doesn’t drive, who makes the journey, whilst my other cousin works in the same area.
Not right really, but I’m not going to juxtapose myself in any other way.

Indeed, I am glad you are doing your best--and I'm sure everybody appreciates that as well.

They might not "show it" right away--but they do.

I am having a serious medical issue at the ATM. A lot would depend on the person himself and how much of a "people" person they are. Be there a lot, but for short periods of time as a person in failing health tires and loses focus easily. Listen a lot and don't push on the person something that "worked" for somebody else you knew that had the same condition.