Upset kindness

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I find it quite odd today that after a generous and kind colleague mentoring me today that I now feel so upset. It's confusing and not sure what made it react like that?

I don't know what made you upset, but I usually feel this way if I force myself to respond in a kind and attentive way so as a result I prefer difficult people over kind ones

Were you upset that the kindness didn't seem genuine?

Did you feel sad that more the world isn't as kind?

Did you feel sad you don't have more kindness in your life?

Did you feel sad because you don't want to be treated with kindness?

Did you feel sad because you don't feel you deserve kindness?

That's all the questions I could think of right now.

Welcome to the forum, elys.

Sometimes for me, the upset isn't really with the kind person, or how I feel about their kindness. It's often more of a "release" - letting some kind of deep anxiety come out that was held inside because I was in an anxious situation and expected to have to get through it all on my own, or that my needs might be dismissed or mocked.

It happened to me a week or two ago when I went to the bank to sort out some financial problems. I had got so wound up about it, and put it off until the last minute, that when the member of staff turned out to be really kind and helpful, I just broke down in tears.

I noticed that the name of this thread is "upset kindness" and it makes me think you appreciated his advice and kindness.
It reminds me of times when people commit little acts of kindness for me, like letting me in a lane or giving me space to get by. It's not the act so much as the communication like the little wave exchange, or the smile exchange that touches me deeply and brings me to tears. It's the feeling of being cared for that brings me to tears because I don't get very much of it and I want it.