Choosing self vs choosing relationship

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In my dbt course, the specific subsection of it that was about conflict resolution, when conflict arises one should go into it with one of 2 goals; either you go into it with the relationship with the person as priority, or you go into it with self-acknowledgement as the priority.
The latter mean that when you go away from the conflict you will feel better about yourself because you did up for your values, your sense of self,

I have a serious problem going into conflict with the goal of maintaining the relationship. If I wanted to maintain it, why would brin the conflict in the first place?

Do you want to break up with this person?

It depends what the conflict is, it could be literally anything from them owing you a bunch of money to arguments over whose turn it is to put the bins out. Conflict is an inevitable part of all relationships. The point of DBT, as you touched on, is to equip you with skills to make yourself heard while maintaining decent relationships. And to rid yourself of toxic ones.

You learn to pick your battles. Being right for the sake of it is almost always a bad idea, and kowtowing to your partner isn't good either. Every couple has their disagreements, but you have to consider the best conclusion for individual problems.

I meant relationship as a general sense, not a lover sense. Granted yes the events that causes me to post this was with a friend/lover/it's messy, because quite frankly it's the only relationship I've ever had where i wanted to actually put the relationship first. Like I have actually considered white lies, and I don't do white lies, i only seem to lie to myself.

I just find it very very hard to not want to be right. And I will adjust my thinking and views to be right because I like being right so much; I'm not beholden to sticking to one set thing, if something better makes more sense I adjust. But sometimes there is no right or wrong and it still ends up being a fight that feels like there's a right or wrong when it's just perspectives.

Again though, how does one ever day something that might be disagreeable and have that -not- already be the start of 'I'm doing this for self-affirmation' right from the get go?

If you're the winner, than they're the loser. If the other person is someone you care about, do you want to crown them "loser" constantly?

No I prefer to convince them that I'm right! :-p