Invalidated by my autistic default behaviors

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I would be most grateful for any insights and guidance.

I went to see my doctor as menopausal migraines are driving me deeper into my shell, and resulting in self-injurious fits/meltdowns & effecting my self-care/ability to live independently.

Note: At a doc's visit, due to sensory/mental processing overwhelm, all my autistic default behaviors come out, and I do not present well at all. Crummy eye contact, very poor, limited, stammering speech with long silences filled with hand-flapping, rocking, hopping. It's just the overwhelm. But apparently, my doc thinks that I am simple, weak-minded, childlike, and that "nobody's home."

me: "I wanted to talk about my migraines, because--"
doc: "You do not know you are having migraines."
me: "Yes, these are migraines. My head hurts, I'm light-sensitive, nauseous, barely function, and--"
doc: "Your head probably only hurts because you hit it."
me: "No, it's the other way around. I hit myself because I am in pain. It's an autism thing."
doc: "Still does not mean these are migraines."
me: "Wavy/sparkly lines in my vision right before the head pain and nausea with light-sensitivity hits."
doc: "You have vision problems anyway."
<cue my frustrated hand-flapping, rocking, zero eye contact now>
me: "I am certain these are migraines. I am not communicating well."
doc: "I understand you just fine. There is no proof these are migraines."
me: "With light-sensitivity, nausea, head pain, visual aura, I am sure they are migraines."
doc: "You are not having migraines until WE say you are having migraines."
<cue speech devolving into gibberish and more flapping, zero eye contact >

My doc invalidated my experience on a condition determined by self-reporting.
Speech is challenging enough for me, and I thought I did well to verbalize as much as I did.... just to have it negated by her as if I were 3 years old.

What do I do now? I do not have anyone to go with me to appointments.

I scheduled a visit with a potential new doctor. But, he will see the same default behaviors and crummy eye contact,
and also think I am simple, childlike, weak-minded, and "nobody's home."

How can I get my new doctor to presume my mental competence, despite how I present?
I am aware, deserve respect, and need what I say to be taken seriously.

With the new doctor, don't say that you are having migraines.
Instead, say that your head hurts, you are sensitive to light, you feel nausea, you can barely function, and any other symptoms you have.

What btbnnyr said. Doctors take very badly to patients usurping their territory. You need to let them come to the conclusion themselves. I find doctors are often nicer to me if I play stupid.

You are also running into another problem, which is that every problem you have is being explained by your autism.

B19 posted a very helpful thread about clinical biases: viewtopic.php?t=295355

I am not sure what is the right thing to do, but maybe you can ask your doctor whether he thinks it is possible for people with autism to have physical health problems that are not related to autism?

Howdy! It's me, Angie. I'm glad to see you here!
I assume this is the reason you didn't want to go through the MRI you were telling me about? First, I'd say change doctors because you don't feel comfortable with the one you have. I have to tell you though, that most doctors are going to want an MRI or they can do a head CT if you're not comfortable in an MRI machine. They need to make sure it's not something else like a tumor causing your symptoms. They have to rule out that nothing is visibly wrong in your head then they would treat the symptoms according to what they then assume the diagnosis is. If you want to PM me we can talk more. It's good seeing you here!

A new doctor might be more empathetic. It is possible that they will treat you better. Doctors really can be different, sometimes they are too numbed with their work to notice people, sometimes they're fine.
Also, this sucks, I'm sorry for you.

Thank you for the replies, all. Hi Angie! Good to see you!

Considering that I really do need a liason as an occasional go-between in some instances when I need a professional to understand me better, and take me seriously. Working to get an ASD specialist now.

Frustrating, because I'm communicating to the best of my ability, yet I just present like someone very simple-minded. D'oh!

Just an idea, not sure if it will help out any. But is something I have done before.

You could write down all that you want to say & explain to your Dr. That way it will be written out clearly & exactly as you want to present it should problems arise again with being able to verbally explain it.

Hang in there, Warmheart. But I second what others have said, let the doc go through his/her diagnostic process and don't come in with a diagnosis of your own that you're wedded to.

In fact, it could be something other than migraine. The doc's job is to make sure they don't misdiagnose anything. You complain that the doc is not hearing you. But are you hearing the doc?

You can also doctor shop if you don't feel comfortable with this one, and that's fine. But understand you might have some of the same issues with another doctor.

I will re-iterate what has been said: ask for a second opinion (you should have that right; just blatantly tell your current doctor), and to the other guy, only mention the symptoms with no indication of you having your own suspicions.

With the advent of WebMD and similar sites, more and more people go to doctors with a diagnosis pre-made, only seeking validation. These people are usually wrong.
I'm not saying that you are wrong, but the doctor doesn't know and might be fed-up with all his patients wanting to validate their (incorrect) assumptions

see a different doctor, yours is not good with patients, even if he's right.
doctor-patient-relationship is important, and your doctor just trampled all over it.

he should have listened to your experience and then said something along the line of: "I'm not yet sure if this is what WE call migraine", if anything at all. Or just run tests telling you he's making sure this is really migraine, in the medical sense.
Just insisting that there is a difference between what you call a migraine, and what a diagnosed, confirmed migraine is, is semantic arguing, and you don't need a doctor doing that.

sidenote: Since I learned that I was lactose-intolerant, and have been staying away from dairy, my treatment resistant migraine largely vanished. Rarely, I get some Aura, but even rarer, actual migraine attacks.
Worth an experiment (going lactose free for a while is a bit of a hassle, admittedly).

I would say to a doctor what you are perceiving (medical anamnesis). Then he/she can make a diagnosis.

I went to a doctor and I told her that I may have migraine with aura. Then I told her what I was perceiving: kaleidoscope-like colored figures in the vision, while in reality they are not there. They start very little, and then grow larger and larger, which makes me effectively nearly blind. Then it moves to the right out of my vision. Then a slight headache comes or nothing happens. Then the whole thing is over, and the vision is normal again.

Doctor: "Yes, you are right. That is migraine with aura."

I was worried that I had a serious eye problem, because this issue disturbs my vision. In the past (not in the last years) it happened 3 times in about 4 years.

To tell another person what they are experiencing, and to deny their own first hand account, is very disrespectful but unfortunately more likely to happen to someone outside the realm of "normal", because it's assumed they don't know their own body. This is infuriating and probably results in a lot of misdiagnoses because the person is simply written off, and for that matter can put vulnerable lives at risk.

Definitely keep switching doctors until you find one you can talk to, just knowing that the doctor is going to treat you like an actual human being can make a big difference.

Your doctor sounds like a rude idiot.

Update: Since I'd already seen a neurologist, had an MRI, and both the neurologist and my gynecologist confirmed these were menopausal migraines, I decided I needed a doc who was a better fit for me, and found one.
I am writing things down before appointments now. There will always be some who think those who act differently are not able to know or understand much, but this is my own body, and I'd already been to a specialist. I do like the new doc.

I saw a PA flip out on someone for saying she was having palpitations. I'm not saying it's right, but health care professionals get very aggravated when patients use words like that. From their perspective, you're usurping their authority and diagnosing yourself. I think they sound petty and condescending myself, but it's quicker to do it their way than argue with them every time.

Apart from doctor-problems.....have you considered, that some of your discomfort may come from Irlen Syndrome, which is very common in autistics?
You can self test on the page.

http://irlen.com/