I am really polite and hate confrontation.

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Do you think this fear of confrontation is a part of my AS and if so why? Could it be part of my personality but exacerbated by having AS? I seem so unusually scared by the idea of being rude or upsetting others no matter what is said to me. It seems to be way above and beyond what would be considered healthy.

I think you're okay.

You have to stand up for yourself when somebody seeks to take advantage of you, though.

I hear you. I try to be ultra-polite too, to the extent that I probably wouldn't stand up to an insult. I've had so many experiences of being misunderstood and yelled at despite not trying to offend that I'm too scared to say anything that could potentially offend anyone. And so I stick to talking about subjects in broad terms, try never to be too opinionated in public and definitely don't comment on other people's clothes, bodies, looks, accents, etc.

I think I've developed a fear of confrontation from all my years living on the spectrum. I wouldn't be surprised if this has happened to a lot of us, who start off being fearless and unknowing of social faux pas, only to later on develop an adversarial relationship with other people because of how they clash with us and our ways. Being overly formal and polite is one way that a lot of people on the spectrum try to avoid confrontations with other people, another is simply becoming reclusive and avoiding human contact. I've done a fair amount of both, though I tend towards the latter nowadays since I'm finally in a situation where I can.

Yer it's kinda similar for me in that I can stand up for myself and get strict with others when I have to, but I'm afraid to say or do things that as a youngster I'd have happily done because I'm worried I'll offend or annoy others, so these days I'm described as being a politician and very diplomatic, but occasionally I can surprise myself and become very argumentative and risky with what I say or do.

Interesting topic.
I don't think I'm afraid of confrontation, just don't see the value in it. Adversarial aggression, which appears to be what people fear in confrontation (?) is useless. It gets neither party anywhere really valuable.
If I am of a certain opinion, and someone else of another, I'm more interested in discussing and comparing our differing opinions and really getting into why, and what is going on here, than I am in arguing with the person.
The part I don't like in confrontation is the part I don't like in anything - emotion. If everyone involved can keep our emotions out of it, a confrontation between ideas can be enlightening.

I hate confrontation but I will make myself do it. My problem is sensory overload in these situations. Loud voices, intense emotions, etc. My brain just glitches. If it's someone that I know will remain calm and reasonable, no problem.

What is pathological demand avoidance? - The National Autistic Society

I don't like it when people demands on me!

I think a lot my of problem comes from when I was the shortest person in the class and uncoordinated and confrontations were usually psychical with me on the losing end. I am still short 5' 4".

Hi,

I'm NT (just newly got an account to ask for some advice), and I too hate confrontation and conflict. I am able to handle it reasonably well in my professional life but in my personal life it is just too daunting and requires an amount of energy I do not have to invest in the situation (as I've spent all my emotional energy interacting at work!). So, no, I don't believe it is necessarily AS but more just personality traits combined with experience.

FYI - I am NT but an introvert.

Although I dislike confrontations, over the years I've learnt to stand up for myself by necessity. I've always been highly articulate, but when I was younger this was mostly in writing. However, I've found that it has its uses in arguments, because if you can get the better of people verbally, in a calm but firm way, and make it clear that you're not going to back down, then they usually give you what you want. It's particularly useful when dealing with government departments and other bureaucracies, who always try and brow-beat people.