Aspies with highly conservative traditional upbringing

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Hi, any aspies with highly conservative and traditional parents?

I was dx-ed when I was 5 with mainly AS, ADD Inattentive, and Depression. My parents migrated from Asia when I was a baby and they know very little English and are having a hard time to assimilate, to this day. Mental issues run in the family, but they considered mental issues as not real, and my mom, despite showing all the symptoms and her pcp advice for taking monitored antidepressant and therapy, refuse treatment.

Please shout out so I know I am not the I my one.

How do you cope against their ignorance ? I have tried approaching the issue of AS, therapy, meds and alike but they were unresponsive. In the end, their response summed up was, " why are you so ungrateful? We sacrificed a lot for you. What are you "depressed" about? You don't have to work three jobs like when I was your age, what is this whole depressed thing you keep talking about? Why can't you be normal " I stopped trying to be truthful to who I reallam and ended up lying to be the daughter they wanted me to be.

Second, assuming I can "lie" whenever necessary and try to build my own identity as an adult-with the help of pdoc,therapists, and meds-how do you cope with their EXPECTATIONS? They constantly nag about how I never seemed interested in make up, how socially awkward I am, how I was too critical etc. My mom basically forced me to this arranged date and made me practice "being pleasant, smiley, and warm" so I can avoid showing in her words "too intense and too critical of a thought". This year my life came crushing down and I finally take some medication, and my parents didn't know about the meds but they told me outright that "finally my daughter has grown".

My therapy helps me understand why parents do what they do and how I can cope with it. I tried very hard, unmedicated, to do apply the things that I had learned in therapy. I cognitively understand it all, being obsessed with issues at hand, I read journal articles, forums, and go to AS meet-ups. It seemed to be fruitful, but any stressor from my parents just lead me ashtray.

Medicated, I could somehow force my self to wear make up, come with my mom to her arranged dates, bear with my dad sexist words.

Summary: NT parents, conservative immigrant parents, speakes no English. They only liked me medicated and engaging professional help, but they didn't know I was doing all this. Dx-ed as child after showing symtoms in school as a genious but "detached" girl. Was beaten by dad, to stop me "acting out". Depressed mom threaten to kill herself, every time I tried to be assertive.

I have grown up with and live with two far right-ring young earth(6000yrs) creationists Christian fundamentalists, and have suffered a lot of emotional abuse from the both of them over my lifetime, especially my father. He has every last bigoted, hateful, racist, sexist, homophobic, ignorant belief that even Fox news could possibly imagine and then some. I started questioning the indoctrination at about age 9 or 10 when their ignorant beliefs. It took many, many, many arguments and years that I endured abuse, but I refused to back down and stood my ground. I tried my best to avoid talking to them but when cornered I gladly debated with them. They have eventually given up trying to ram their religion down my throats.

It has taken me well over a decade to deprogram all the religious indoctrination and hate that I was raised with, and is something I will continue to have to work on for who knows how long. I've also had many, many hours of therapy and support from the mental health system here, and support from my friends to be able to live and survive in such a nutty family. They have pushed me to the brink of suicide on many occasions and I simply told them that if they don't stop, I will just kill myself and then they can explain that to the rest of the family. My parents are overly concerned with their image and how they appear to others, but it is all just a facade. They even tear other christians apart and routinely do the same to other family members behind their backs, then get together at and sit around one big table, have dinner and pretend to all like each other. I would leave, but my physical health, combined with my mental health and Asperger's is simply too much for me to be able to cope and live on my own atm. I try my best to avoid them, particularly my father, who is simply a miserable human being who is rotten to the very core.

I'm 37, my parents are Jehovah's Witnesses, very conservative, grew up going to church 3 times a week, reading bible every day. The last 10 years they started reading about natural therapy and now believe everything can be cured with herbs, they are so uninformed and uneducated that they don't have the ability to determine whether what they are reading is total BS, so they blindly believe everything they read - the internet is seriously the worst thing that happened to them.

I see them fairly regularly, they babysit my ASD son and they don't know he has autism, they don't know I have autism either. I tried bringing it up, my mum just blew it off, don't be silly, doctors will slap any diagnosis on you to give the drug companies more money. What? That doesn't even make sense, they don't medicate for autism mother. Everything is either take some herbs or pray to god.

Our conversations are very shallow, I avoid talking about anything meaningful with them. It's sad but they will never change. I just enjoy the limited relationship we can have and try to be glad at least they are happy, stark raving mad, but happy.

I'm also positive my mother is on the spectrum, she would never entertain the idea and doesn't like doctors "trying to get inside her head" so would never get diagnosed.

I grew up in a conservative family. It is very alienating. I feel like I can never be my true self when I'm around my family. I feel like I don't belong. I have talked to my parents about my mental health issues but got no support. I don't try to involve them in it anymore. I take care of my mental health issues myself. I also keep my religious beliefs to myself because when I talked about them before, it hurt my parents deeply. I understand, having grown up in a Christian fundamentalist church, that they sincerely believe I will burn in Hell forever if I don't take part in their particular brand of Christianity. They don't want me to suffer. However, I don't believe and cannot force myself to believe. I just kind of avoid the subject of church whenever they bring it up. I don't criticize their beliefs, but I don't pretend like I agree with them either. It helps me avoid creating unnecessary conflict. I am just glad that I have friends who believe like I do. I was miserable until I found like-minded people.

I'm a lot luckier, my folks were Mormons seven days a week, but my mom had a very moderate and balanced nature; not to mention I had two older sisters who really had to deal with the expectations. I think when I was born, the general reaction was "Well 2 out of 3 isn't bad"

Psychologically and mentally, the religious part was bad. Since I didn't feel anything approaching piety, I felt guilt instead and now that's my most motivating force in life, whatever I happen to feel guilty about. I think I have a critical thinking deficit on par with Sarah Palin's; I often have a hard time answering abstract questions when people ask them and people notice. Being religious didn't help because the most consistent thing in my life was a religion that I shouldn't question.

I got spanked a lot growing up, not even sure why some of the times. But they tried to figure out what was wrong with me, they genuinely cared. My parents actually changed with the times too, none of the youngest 5 have been spanked and they don't get the same hellfire speeches I had growing up.

I'm sorry for everyone who had it worse (which is probably everyone). We sure have some stories to tell.

I moved to an urban area. I reached out to other misfits in my own area.

I wonder what exactly counts as "conservative". My parents wouldn't describe themselves that way; religion didn't play a big rôle in my upbringing, and they seemed to support a few "progressive" causes when I was a little boy, like gender equality (they seem to have since backed down a bit on this one). However, I grew up very isolated, despite going to school, and they have essentially remained my sole authority on everything important in life to this day. I wonder even how others can call their own parents ignorant, or criticize the way they brought them up. Perhaps I'd feel justified to do so if I had been independent since I was eighteen, but that was a damn hard goal to accomplish being raised by them, because even figuring out that might be a possibility was well beyond my worldview at that time. They simply didn't expect me to work yet, and everything had been done according to their plans, so I assumed I had no realistic choice to do anything but what they told me to. And that I did till I decided I needed to talk to them to change the approach to my life we had come to silently agree on, so I could make an informed choice on how to pursue my true goals. These attempts ultimately failed, and everything went downhill from there. I owe everything to my parents, so I have no business judging them. If this means I can't afford critical thinking, I morally can't.

My parents were also very conservative. Not in the political sense, but in the parenting sense. You know the old "Children must be seen and not heard", "Children must be obedient", "Children must bring home straight A's", "Children must remain at home at night", etc. The emphasis on good grades was so intense, that I was afraid to come home after getting a C in school. In other words, I was tiger-parented. Their goal was to have a smart child, who grows up to be an honest worker, with a loving wife, a white-picket-fence house, and two beautiful children. Absolutely no pets; they hated them.

End result: I'm a Peter Pan! I live in a cheap apartment, had a series of suicide-provoking jobs, simply don't care when it comes to personal excellence, and meet my sexual needs through escorts. In fact, I started doing the last one while still living at home. All by strategically using city buses to travel to their hotels and hoarding cash. They're still none the wiser.

I wandered in here because my in-laws are conservative Christians, but are very nice. Three out of four of their kids are on the spectrum and are very successful as adults. Autism is not a bad thing in our family.

OP- I almost studied Asian-American post migration social adjustments in grad school. Australia seems kind of similar to the US, socially. Are you the oldest child? Do you have a male sibling? I'm trying to find out if you are the "torch bearer" now for your parents and that's why they have such unreasonable expectations for you.

I think you have to openly display the things you are willing to do that they like. For example, lets say that education and work are important to them AND you. I would make a point to discuss your education and work in front of them, especially when others are also there. Then they can feel proud of you for these things that you don't mind doing for them.

There will, of course, be some things that are not acceptable to you. Let's say, wearing makeup every day. You have to state the way it is as a fact, and make concessions on special occasions only. If you're going to a wedding you can wear makeup. If your parents bring it up, you say, "I only wear makeup on formal occasions." Then you change the subject, to indicate that the matter is closed.

As to autism and mental illness. These are tricky subjects, and not things that are viewed the same in Eastern and Western worlds. If I were you, I would read up on how these things are treated in Eastern philosophies. There are some books about specifically how mental illness is seen in Asian families. And since most people don't understand autism as a difference, I would start by understanding it from a mental illness point of view.

I see your parents not speaking English, despite living in an English speaking country for so long, as a rejection of the new culture and an attempt to hold onto their own culture and identity. Since you grew up in Australia (right?) I assume you identify as a Westerner. They probably don't make much sense a lot of the time. Added to that, they're NT! Even less sense! lol!

Just read up on them, like they were people you'd never met before. And stand firm on the issues that are important to you.

My parents were extreme liberal. The more I grew up, the more intolerant I found liberals to be. I went from being raised as a liberal atheist to being a born-again Christian. My relationship with God has brought me much joy.

I grew up in the church probably from the time I was conceived, although since I wasn't diagnosed till late things never really took any certain turns in the area of autism/aspergers and how it related to my life. The only thing I could say for the most part is that a thing on my mom's "prayer list" in relation to me is "healing of autism/aspergers" and for me to meet "a friend of good quality and no ill will". I've mostly taken my christian beliefs with me beyond childhood but both things I believe she's highly wasting her time on and should just give it up ...