Too sensitive? Ughhhh

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So my husband has aspergers, and I am neurotypical. We have a 5 year old girl aspie, and a 20 month old boy. I love my husband a lot he has many great qualities, he is loyal, and super devoted to the family. BUT he literally has no filter. And I feel continually hurt. Like today I was sick and he offered to go w/ me to pick up kids from babysitter (example of family devotee). He doesn't really like to drive. I sat in the passenger seat and he got in car and said "So you're too sick to drive too!" This hurt my feelings, b/c I'm sick and didn't feel like driving, later I told him and he can't understand! I dont' know how to explain to him why it hurts my feelings, and at hte same time I also don't want him to feel like he walks on eggshells around me. Yet I feel hurt a lot b/c I feel he says things that seem to have a bad intent though they do not.

I'm NT too . . .. . I'm thinking your hubby was just double checking with you that you didn't feel well enough to drive? He wasn't making an assumption or emotive comment from his perspective. Just checking on what you were or were not able to do whilst you are sick. It's difficult because we have expectations they will understand that for us that comment appears to have hidden connotations or seem to suggest they are not acknowledging that you are "really" sick. However he was simply checking whether or not you were too ill to drive. Does that make sense?

He definitely should have been more sensitive to her being sick.

He has to learn this stuff, he really does. He has to learn how to put himself in another person's place.

I used to be insensitive like that---until I learned how to put myself in the other person's place.

It sounds like he was just commenting on the situation; y'know, just stating a fact, but in a blunt way.

I do agree with Kraftie, your husband could at least try to filter himself a bit, there is a sea of difference between no filter and walking on eggshells.
It can be learned, i myself also learned to filter and show some amount of empathy (note: show; i always experienced it).
This is hard to do, sure, but if he is really devoted, he should be willing to try

thanks! the comments helped, I'm going to talk to him about, and hopefully we'll find a balance so we're both happy!

I think it was wrong of him not to look after you when you were ill. Of course I don't know the situation and perhaps he was under extreme stress like work pressure.

Maybe he was making an observation that was a factual account of your situation and acknowledging it: you were too sick to drive.

Isn't that a possibility?

If he's loyal and devoted, he wants to make you happy. Maybe he just doesn't always connect the dots on how to do that with little things. And over time little things add up if not addressed.

I'm sure he'd appreciate a direct talk about it in clear terms. You may not feel certain things need explaining, like how not to say insensitive things, but he probably does. I know you said you've mentioned it and he doesn't get it. Try approaching it separate from when it happens, during a calm relaxed time. Perhaps try after "relations". I've found I'm always most easy going then personally...

These are issues I've been battling for years in an effort to try and keep my own marriage together and so far have sort of failed. But I am very self-aware and can see the things I've done wrong and where little things like those. I know how I need to be approached and little comments like those I get completely from both perspectives. To him it's probably just a little teasing fun but he maybe has a hard time presenting that as fun due to perhaps being serious or doing things with bad timing. I know if I had said that, I'd be breaking my wife's "balls". I get that form your perspective, you probably just want some damn comfort and understanding from your husband when you are sick. To be taken care of a little maybe. Or at least empathized with, not teased. Not then. At least that's how I'd perceive it and the feelings I came to find out with my own wife.

These sorts of things take time to learn. They may still happen even after talking to him. Just like anyone implementing a new habit, the beginning is hard to be consistent. If you work with him under the understanding that it's to make you happier. Make it clear that it is actually hurting you. Someone that devoted would likely be ashamed of themselves if that were actually able to sink in.

About the eggshells thing. That's really not for you to worry about. Your expectations are reasonable. Giving that openness to it with him will only decrease the chances of him being able to make a lasting change. Give him leash and he's bound to take it to it's limit. Test the boundaries. At least, I know I do. There's nothing wrong with a firm line in the sand on something simple and relatively small as that. You expect to be spoken to with a little more (fill in the blank, respect, love, empathy, kindness, etc). If something is a rule with no interpretation then it'll be easier for him to follow. The rule being, you don't want to be hurt by his words. It's fair to ask of a spouse. Now, he may not know how to always do that. And you obviously don't want to make the man feel uncomfortable talking to you. So you give him leash with it, but you don't tell him that.

Maybe I've totally over related here on all of this and all of this is useless. Sort of replaying my own failures and regrets... Maybe theres something of use in there...