$$ barrowed from family

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In a previous thread I've discussed "exiting" (by cutting off) my 'family of origin' because of their attitude towards me & my AS.

The ONE sticky wicket....dh has a personal loan from my oldest sister (that Ogre from Omaha or whatever it was I called her last time...ah heck....BI#CH will work fine!)

The loan is about 4 yrs old and not really a lot of money in the scheme of things (about 3K) it was a loan for a (what would ultimatly fail) small business start-up....once our company FLOPPED, dh had to go out & get a starting job as an electricians apprentice (union & all) which is USUALLY a job for a 20 y/old NOT a 40 y/old man. Started out at minimum wage. When he started, he did talk to BI#CH & explained that (for the forseeable future) we wouldn't be able to begin making payments.

Over Christmas, variouse family members called me to invite me to the "family doings" & I explained (very politly!) that I wasn't interested in attending.

So, BI#CH calls dh (while he's at work & cannot have his phone) so she leaves a the following message on his v-mail (approximation) gee, sure will miss you at the Christmas party. Oh, by the way my husband wanted me to ask you about the loan?

Then I call BI#CH back (she let it go to v-mail) and said (again an approx...it HAS been about 3 months now) ok, YES I acknowledge we owe you money. Let me know the total & you will begin to receive re-payment immediatly.

So I sent BI#CH a check for $10 on the first of Jan. BI#CH didn't cash it. Then I sent another $10 check (now this is $ I'm removing from my GROCERY BUDGET.) by the first of Feb. BI#CH didn't cash it. So, tax refund came in mid-Feb. So, I sent BI#CH a Twenty dollar bill along with a hand-written statement: $3,000 balance, minus check #, dated 1/1/12 $10. minus check #, dated 2/1/12 $10. Minus $20. with a new balance of $2,960.

But BI#CH has complained to our Mom (and now, this is a quote from Mom of what BI#CH said) "I didn't want to get $10 a month for the rest of my life." WTF?

My question for y'all: if you owe someone money & THEY mention it during any kind of conflict, AREN'T THEY SAYING THAT THEY WANT THEIR MONEY BACK?

She's just being passive aggressive and using the money to needle you. It's only a means to an end.

She's either in complete denial about the state of the economy or else she's delusional in thinking that you're sending $10 increments because you want to toy with her.

Remain calm. Write her a letter explaining your situation in detail, explaining that the $10 is a stretch, even, and that it comes out of your grocery budget. Explain to her that yes, it will take a long time at $10 a month, but that as your fortunes look up in the future, you hope to increase that increment to $50, then $100, then maybe $200. Reassure her that you will send her periodic updates of where the loan stands, and be sure to keep fastidious records.

It's fortunate that she's not charging you interest, at least. I think it's sad that money comes between relatives (though I've read your previous accounts of your family and they sound completely over-the-top dysfunctional with all kinds of power plays and passive-aggressiveness, etc.), and really, anyone who lends money to a relative should be prepared to never see it again. It should be a gift that, if repaid, is a happy surprise upon return.

1. Never borrow from friends or relatives. You won't have either if you can't promptly pay it back or at least make prompt installment payments.

2. You absolutely MUST find a way to pay back Vampyra, if not all at once, at least in bigger amounts, like at least $100 a month. Do you realize how long it would take to pay her back at ten or twenty a month? At $10 a month it would take 300 months or almost 30 years. $20 a month would take almost 15 years to pay back. Do you really want to be on the hook to her for that long?

3. Get a budget journal, to keep track of where your money is going, so you may be able to find areas where you can cut back, so you will have more to pay back each month. Dome makes good budget journals, both personal and for businesses. You can also check the library for books by Clark Howard and Dave Ramsey. They are radio hosts who do shows on helping people with money problems. They also have web sites.

4. Do you have anything you can sell that would raise some cash, so you could pay back part or all of the money? If so, then do it!

5. Do a refi on your house, if you can, and take out enough to pay her back in one lump sum, or take a cash withdrawal on your credit cards. The refi makes more sense though, as it would have a lower interest rate.

6. If none of the other options will help, then either your husband needs to work longer hours at work, or get a second job, or you need to get a part or full time job, just to pay back your sister.

Sorry there is no really good news here, but you owe a family member money, and will be screwed, at least with her, until you pay it back. At least these suggestions might help, though.

What I didn't say before is that I was TOTALLY against the loan from the get-go. We were in a really weird situation, dh had just been laid off & my Mom NEEDED her house remodeled. What it started out as was that BI#CH was going to pay him for the work; but then he needed more tools to do the job (which we did know, going in) & the talk was that the tools purchases would be PART of his pay but then it got converted into a "loan" by BI#CH.



Questor you said:

2. You absolutely MUST find a way to pay back Vampyra, if not all at once, at least in bigger amounts, like at least $100 a month. Do you realize how long it would take to pay her back at ten or twenty a month? At $10 a month it would take 300 months or almost 30 years. $20 a month would take almost 15 years to pay back. Do you really want to be on the hook to her for that long?

And IF I wanted to have a relationship with BI#CH, I would agree. But I don't care about her & she can make do w/my $10 a month until we get to that place where we CAN just drop a chunk on her (not next year but the year afters tax refund.)

Funny thought I had...BI#CH never cashed the first 2 checks; if she just SHREDS the envelopes, she's destroying her own (CASH) pay-back!

Well, I've made more than a few loans to friends in dire straits.

$10 isn't much, but it is something. It represents something I'm usually happy to get (and often don't)-- a good faith effort. As opposed to a lecture from the friend in question about why, since obviously I'm in better shape financially, I should just call it a gift.

Don't borrow money from as*hole relatives.