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I got a call last night from a friend who lives with her mother at 11:44 PM last night. She and I talked for nearly an hour about issues she has with her mother.

Basically, she told me that her mother hits her or threatens her to reinforce my friend to listen which is quite often. She feels it is the only way to get my friend to be obedient. Apparently she also hits my friend whenever she does not do things the way her mother wants things done which is a certain way or at a certain time.

Eg- She told me that her mother was upset that the Packer's lost and the 49er's won. She and her daughter are pretty die in the hard fans too. Anyway, my friend cheered for the team and was not too disappointed when they lost but happened to have two friends who are 9er's. She told her mom, "I am so happy for my two friends and their team." Evidently her mother flew off the handle with her by slapping my friend in the face and punching her in the stomach. She then told her that she was not going to buy her a gift card for her Kindle.
Other issues:
1. She is scared to call the police because she is afraid her mother will have her arrested because she supposedly had some problems in the past of not taken her anxiety medication and the police have been called before a few other times.

2. She said that she feels like she cannot get away from her mother in their home which means that she cannot lock her door to her bedroom or her mother will use a screw driver to open the door and hit her non stop.

3. She also is scared to tell the other parents of our other friends because of the fear of taking her mother's side.

4. I have seen her constantly pick on my friend in front of our others friends and their two mothers whenever my friend tries to talk to us, her mother says her name often nudges her. She basically acts like my friend is to be seen and not heard somewhat. She also seems to bully my friend and she did this in front of me.

Once I got off the phone, I decided to do some research on places she could call and one of them was a women's group and I gave her the number to call.

What other advice can I give?

Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 13 Jan 2013, 9:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What about you going to the police and telling them her situation and your side? Have her keep a journal and hide it if she can. If she gets bruises from it, take pictures to document. That is what I would do. Not saying it's the right way for you or her, but I hope her situation gets better soon! That is NO way to live out her life.

I did suggest the journal. I have not thought about the bruises part but it is a good idea now that I see that you have written it.

Keep letting us know
even though
this is heart breaking
this is the sort of behaviour to women
you expect from men
not mothers



doctors
should be the record keepers of bruises, broken skin
and other heart aches
like abusive family members

this betrayal of the safety of the home
should bear the direst of consequences!

I wondered if something was up whenever my friend tries and speaks up and says something normal. Her mom will nag at her,

by saying her name. She will also sit there and pick on her for how she is sitting or other stupid things and my friend is 30 years old.

At the same time I did not know it was this bad in terms of when she hits her and picks on her at home.

If she is 30 yrs old can she look into leaving home? Other family or friends to stay with or any means to support herself....? Based on what u said, your friend is in a physically and emotionally abusive situation and should do whatever she can to protect herself. Does she live in the US? Depending on where she lives there might be shelters that she can go to. Photographing bruises can be a start, and its also good to document in writing some of this stuff that is going on. This evidence could later be used if she is in a position to get some type of restraining order. But again depends a lot on where she lives. I would also be extremely careful of keeping evidence of the abuse in the house. Her mom could find this kind of stuff and go into a rage. I've seen that happen more than once before with people who are in similar abusive situations. Overall, this is not a safe situation and your friend should really consider all of her options for leaving, create a plan, and then leave before things potentially get worse.

My friend is in no position to live on her own right now. Yes, she lives in the US. She wants to start working with the program for people with disabilities and try to make connections that way. Basically, she said that she is willing to go to a group home where she feels that you can start working at living on her own.

Yeah, i was sort of thinking she was kind of stuck from the overall scenario. With this kind of treatment, a lot of people run off when they are teenagers or even preteens unless there is really nowhere else for them to go. Sometimes programs for people with disabilities can be helpful. It's too bad she doesn't have other family that she could live with.

How about calling the nearest YWCA -Young Womens Christian Association.
Possibly they will have accommodation available immediately, they may be able to organise staying with someone,
if not, they will definitely be a great source of support and information.
You don't have to be a Christian.

Leaving's the answer. Some support with planning and execution might tip the balance.

I agree.

As for her mother, it's really sad because she seems to have a good heart and I have always gotten along with her mom. I think she enjoys having me around because I am an inspiration to her and her daughter. Her case happens to be major anger issues, stress, and frustration and that needs to work on.

What the mother is doing is unacceptable, but the only person who can help your friend is your friend.

Don't waste your life trying to save someone who doesn't want to be saved.

Blanket statements like this aren't the answer. Just because she doesn't know how to escape doesn't mean she doesn't want to be saved. I think reaching out to her friend was a strong indication that she wants out.

It's called experience. If she really wanted to leave, she'd leave.

She's not reaching out because she wants to leave, she's reaching out because it's easier than leaving.

And what if she doesn't have any experience?

Would you say that the Africans kidnapped from Africa could have escaped their experience of being slaves in America?
Would you say that the Jews murdered by the Nazis could have been set free by embracing Hitler?
Would you say that jumping out of a plane at a thousand feet and saying that you don't believe in gravity would land you safely on the ground?

It's not her experience I'm talking about.