A Parent who is on the Spectrum herself. Need advice.

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Hi, I just signed up for Wrong Planet, because I'm at a bit of a loss, and don't know who to turn to other than other Aspies like me.

I'm a 33 year old woman who was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 11. I have a 15-month old baby boy, and, though it's kind of hard to tell at his age, I think he might be on the spectrum too. Is is bad that I think this is a good thing? That it might be something that will bring a closer bond between me and my son when he's older?

I was just wondering about other parents on the spectrum here, your stories, and, if your own kids are on the spectrum themselves, how has it affected your relationships.

Thanks,

Violetlight

Hi.

I'm an autistic mum of a toddler. Mine was an adult diagnosis. I don't know if my daughter will turn out to be on the spectrum as well. She has a lot of sensory issues, but I don't know how much of those are normal toddler issues and how much of it is potentially a sign of autism. I'm just waiting to see as she grows. She has my personality and is a lot like I was at her age, but again I cannot know if that's because she also has autism or because those are simply bits of my personality that she's inherited.

Do I want her to have autism? Absolutely not. In an ideal world she'd inherit all of the best bits of me, whilst being NT and not going through the difficulties. But if she turns out to have autism, I am comforted to know that she will grow up with the support and understanding that helps her to advocate for herself and means that she will never be forced into being something she's not.

And I do completely understand how some people could even hope that their children turn out to be autistic, if they're on the spectrum themselves. Though I really don't believe that there will be any less of a bond between you and your son if he doesn't.

Get all the help you can for the youngster. It's too late for you, but you can tap into the networks that'll help later

We have an 11 year old son, who was diagnosed just before starting 1st grade. His journey has me convinced that both my wife and I are on the spectrum as well.
First of all, not only is it not too late for you, it is the perfect time to get to know your Asperger's. This will help with all of the parenting challenges to come, whether your child is on the spectrum or not. Make sure you have time to be yourself and something outside of being a parent to keep you going when things are hard. In our family, everyone needs their own down time and everyone's schedule needs written down on the wall calendar, or things get missed. When you feel the time is right, an honest discussion about how you think and act and why will make your child part of your support system, and a very honest critic of what you need to be doing. Always learn, always love, and always laugh.

Hi, I have an 8 year old boy who has Asperger's and a 5 year old neurotypical boy. I have recently self-diagnosed (a massive aha moment in my life) as a result of my son's diagnosis.

What is really noticeable in our family is my aspie son's preference to chat about life and interesting things with me instead of his neurotypical dad. On a day out to go for lunch and to a museum, my son has a lot to say and is very interested in everything. It is exhausting to have to give him answers for all the questions he asks (thank goodness for google). I would like it if my husband could pitch in once in a while, but this doesn't seem to work well. My son just isn't as excited sharing stuff with dad.

As a mum, I love both of my sons and feel a bond with them equally. In fact, I felt more of a bond with my NT child up until a few months ago because I just couldn't understand what was going on with my aspie son - and constantly blamed my parenting on why he was the way he is (and then without knowing it, kind of blamed him )

My aspie child is interesting and full of zest but hard work (tantrums, meltdowns, social problems at school etc.). My NT son is easy and so cuddly, but it's more work to engage him in activities. My aspie child shines a light on my positives but also my negatives, very difficult to cope with this. When I'm with my NT child, I don't focus on my insecurities and anxieties as much.

In summary, I think as an aspie parent, you bond with your kids no matter what. But if you have an aspie child, I think he will find it very satisfying to have an aspie parent who understands him. What I don't know is how my NT son will feel about me when he is older. Will he feel a disconnect? I hope not.