The Difficulty of Socializing

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Did you ever consider that socializing in modern society is difficult because the structure of civilization is inhumane? Socially inhumane, in particular. Humans have lived (and socialized) in smallish groups (tribes) for the overwhelming majority of human history. Presumably, this is what is best for us, most natural for our species.

Civilization, on the other hand, is composed of cities filled with huge numbers of complete strangers, smaller numbers of acquaintances, and the relatively tiny number of people to whom we are close (family, friends, etc.). It seems utterly abnormal for a human being to be constantly interacting with strangers and acquaintances, surrounded by people who may or may not give a damn about us (or even seek to harm us), people whom we know little or nothing about and with whom we cannot, therefore, properly interact (I consider proper social interaction to be based on the personalities, wants, and needs of those who are interacting, not generic social rules).

Imagine how much easier social interaction would be if you knew most or all of the people around you from birth, if people treated you according to who you are instead of according to the prevailing one-size-fits-all social etiquette.

yes

I disagree. In primitive human societies based on small bands of relatives, a person who couldn't understand social cues and couldn't act cooperatively might be cast out to die alone. In larger, more anonymous cities people on the spectrum can at least trade their skills and knowledge for money for food and lodgings, despite their lack of social understanding. Humans have been living in cities for about 12,000 years, and have adapted to that lifestyle.

My most meaningful social interactions take place on WrongPlanet.

I think like most things it is a question of degree. Like the pendulum swinging from early humans and possibility of a lonely early death to where we are now; where the "civilization" is everywhere. Their are still pockets of clans - the family and sociopolitical organizations, and religions; but there is this ever present energy coming from "the group." I think this is mostly manifested through media.

I suppose that is (and was) true of someone who is severely socially disabled in some tribes, but I don't know the extent (how severe and what proportion of tribes) to which it might be true.

Furthermore, such a person would not necessarily be doomed to die as long as she was physically able to provide for herself. She would likely be able to secure the necessities of life more easily than she could in modern civilization, given that she wouldn't have to rely on other people to hire her and could move about freely without worrying about violating laws such as trespassing.

Anyhow, the thread is about the difficulty of socializing, not securing food and shelter. Even social rejection and ostracism would, at least, be based on the tribe's familiarity with the ostracized person rather than a clueless decision resulting from a ten-second interaction in the streets.


...if they can manage the social requirements of the available jobs.


I don't think that is quite true; my agreement depends on what you mean by "adapt" and how complete you consider the adaptation to be. I certainly have not adapted despite having lived in cities my entire life. Certainly people are familiar with cities and are surviving in them, but I am certain that, overall, cities constitute harmful living conditions.

Oversimplifying things extroversion is the need for almost continual social interaction. Extroverts find it very difficult to do without social interaction.

Another factor is local and natural culture. Extroversion is a basic part of the American culture.

I don't understand the relation to this thread.

Your post rings resonating bells for me, especially this part:

Currently in my life the friends who actually understand me and in whom I can confide, are only in touch by e-mail because I've moved far away. And ALL my actual, local, face to face interactions these days happen to be with complete strangers and slightly more than strangers bordering on just acquaintance.

They don't particularly "give a damn" about me and I strongly relate to how being exposed to a lot of THIS type of interaction is actually inherently awkward, mentally and emotionally exhausting, etc, because that's exactly how I feel.

Someone might suggest, well, then make them closer friends. But that is not mutually desirable -- they seem content to keep things only on a "run into each other" basis and I certainly know I want no more than that.

But I do find these encounters inherently awkward because while we might "like" each other enough for them to stop and talk awhile at all in the first place, we don't have enough in common, and we don't have enough clicking and connection and like-minded-soul thing going on for conversations to flow more easily.

Since the time when this kind of interaction is something I find pushed upon me (long story, involving my special interest which has to take place in a public spot unfortunately) my stress levels are higher than they used to be when I had a different lifestyle and total command over avoiding this type of encounter.

I live in a major city, densely populated and yes even going to a store is more stressful because of the "close encounters" with people who neither know nor care and vice versa.

When I lived in a less densely populous city, and spent less time in public places, a lot less of this brand of tension was in my life, and as a result, when I DID have to have a social interaction, I actually had more energy, more coping skills, to weather it without too much fallout to myself.

These days I'm constantly drained of those "spoons".

It is disputing the OP's theory. It is stating my belief that that plenty of people do find socilization easy and natural no matter where the are located because they are born that way. But I am also saying that location is a factor in that if you are and introvert or lack social skils in an place like America which emphasizes extroversion life is going to be more difficult for you then if you are located in a place that does not prioritize bieng loud and brash so much.

As far as I know, the meaning of extrovert pertains to one's social temperament—whether solitude or socialization energizes one—not the ease with which one socializes. Being extroverted doesn't necessarily lead to "easy and natural" socialization. Some extroverts have social anxiety. Furthermore, socializing requires at least two people, and the success of the socialization depends upon all involved parties, not just the extrovert. An extrovert who has social access only to introverted, disagreeable people may have difficulty.

Even the most comfortable extrovert will have an easier time socializing with a built-in social network than she would by having to meet and befriend people. "Easy" is relative.

I don't know if socialising in smaller communities is any more humane, its different and less impersonal yes, but still might not offer what you describe as proper social interaction.
How you are treated and the freedom to be yourself depends on the personalities of those around you.