Thanks Giving Invite

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Hope I'm stressing out over nothing. I have an invite to spend part of Thanks Giving Day with my older and younger brother. I hate social functions, including family ones, but I am curious to see the inside of their house, and the grounds outside, as they have chickens. My younger brother bought the place on his own several years ago, but has been having money problems, so he needed help with the mortgage, or else would have to sell the place. My older brother was widowed almost two years ago, and was looking for a place to move to, as he didn't like the house he had, so about a year ago, he bought part of my younger brother's house, to solve the problems each had. They have never gotten along well, but the house had the potential to be an over/under duplex, and needed tons of work anyway, so they turned it into a duplex. My younger brother lives upstairs with his two cats--a third one died recently from a sudden illness. My older brother lives on the first floor with his very nice dog, which hates cats. This allows both of them, and their pets to live separately, while still under the same roof, and this way they can each do their own thing, except when they are working on something together.

Both brothers have been working very hard for many months to fix the place up, and also taking odd jobs to help pay bills. I can't help being curious to see both the inside, and outside of the house. I've seen it in Google Earth and other map programs, but never actually visited the place. Also, I like both cats and dogs, but not so much people. That's why I live alone. Because of health problems, it's no longer possible for me to manage owning a pet, and I miss having one, but I like having contact with them on those few occasions when I visit people who do have pets.

I am torn over whether to go on T-day or not, as I don't like the constant criticism I get from my relatives over all aspects of my life. This tends to poison family gatherings for me, and then they complain because I don't want to spend time with them. DUH!! ! The closer we get to T-day, the less I want to go, but they both help me with car and house repairs, so if I don't go that may be taken badly by them, and they may be less inclined to help. Due to my own money problems, I can't afford to have all my car and home repairs done by strangers, so I guess I am going to have to endure the family visit.

If I decide not to go, I do have a whole turkey breast in the freezer, and a new roasting pan, and I do know how to cook it, as I've done it before. I usually cook turkey breasts in a large crock pot, but have used the roasting pan a few times, too. I'll never be a gourmet cook, but I do okay. I picked up some of how to cook from my mother, and the rest I learned by using cook books, and from the internet.

Unfortunately, family and friends seem to think that their relationship to one entitles them to engage in constant criticism, but they are wrong about that. When you confront them about it, they say that they do it because they care about you, but there is nothing caring about taking people apart with constant criticism. Even if the stuff you are being criticized about is true, you already know you have a problem, whatever it might be, and don't need to be constantly chewed out about it. Doing that is a hostile act, not a friendly, loving one. The most they should ever do is say that they see you have a problem with "X", and if you ever want help with it to let them know, and they will try to help you with it, but after the offer of help, they should just let it drop.

I do hope T-day goes well. If I go I will be dependent on one of them bringing me there and back home as my car is down for repairs, so if the visit goes bad, I will have to spend the trip home confined in a car with one of them. Well, if the T-day visit does go bad, I guarantee that I will be doing Christmas alone.

Give it a chance. Satisfy your curiosity! Plus you need an occasional break. If they start being critical, just clam up and refuse to respond - take a walk outside!

Take along a small gift for the host/s if you can afford it, or make something small if you can, just as a small token of appreciation - its just a thought.

Hopefully they won't start getting critical. Talk about other stuff, such as the pets or the house, or suggest an activity such a board game... just "play it be ear".

You could agree to go and say that you can't stay long, provided that you can get a ride back home early. Or say no and arrange to visit some other time, when the whole family won't be there. Or not visit at all and ask for pictures of the house or a virtual tour if your brothers have a camera.