My family knew I was autistic but never told me.

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Some months back, I was referred to a Doctor of Psychology (not M.D., just for clarification) for an official ADHD diagnosis. I just wanted medication so I could focus on what I was doing. While I was there, the doctor told me I also had autism (This is the last diagnosis/bit of help I've gotten.). Floored. At age 31, I figured I would have known this by now.

I talked to my regular psychologist the next day, and she reassured me that there was nothing to it. She didn't see the signs. However, she also admitted that she did not work with autism in her practice so she was not an expert. (I see her for anxiety, depression, OCD, ADHD and binge eating disorder.)

I told my friend (Only one right now, though I guess autism explains why in part.), and explained the symptoms. He didn't buy it.

I battled for a while with the diagnosis. I would notice autistic traits, but chalk them up to being prone to think my actions were autistic. I finally told my sister today, and she told me that the family had known for years, but didn't tell me so as not to upset me.

I've finally accepted I have autism. I now dwell on my family's deception. Were they never taking me seriously? Did they think of me as a black sheep or pariah? Is this why I always felt ignored? (I often talk to them and get absolutely no response.)

What do I do now?

That was wrong of them but it is to late now.

Contact the Autism Society of Greater Cleveland and tell them your story. They might be able to point you in the right direction. They may not be able to as the vast majority of services are geared towered children but is is worth the time to try.
Contact Webpage

The other diagnosis may be real. Most autistics have other conditions like known as co morbids. Anxiety, ADHD, OCD are common co morbids of Autism. Autism is a syndrome which means a set of symptoms. So the ADHD,OCD,"traits" may be a part of your autism.

Tony Attwoods page about Aspergers

Do not worry about the Aspergers label. Aspergers is just a form of "mild" or "high functioning" autism. The difference is language ability before age three which does not matter to you now.

There are many books, blogs, you tube videos by Autistic adults. While autistics are a diverse group of people it is very possible when you read or watch those or look at Wrong Planet threads there will be a lot of moments you will be shocked at how much they are describing you.

Welcome to Wrong Planet

@ASPartOfMe
Thank you very much for all of the information and encouragement. I have been voraciously researching this subject, and it seems that there is no end to the string. There seems to be more questions than answers. So very confused but happy to be closer to the right track, I think.

You are welcome

Be the best autist you can be moving forward from here. Make it a part of you as much as all the other parts of you. You have a chance to define it well and make it an asset.

I had a similiar experience. After getting diagnosed at the same age as you, I looked back on my life and remembered moments where my parents seemed to know something was up but never bothered to tell me. They passed away before I was able to figure out my real diagnosis so I never got to talk to them about it. I wasted over half my life thinking I had depression and bipolar but it turns out I was just a confused aspie that didn't know and had very little life experience so I made bad decisions.

@noumenon
My family is all still around. Interestingly in my case it seems that my parents were too clueless to notice. It's my siblings who noticed it was obvious to them. I suppose my lack of attention to conversation and intense subject foci were what they were going by. (Dad, brother and a sister are doctors.)
I think that I may still have the co-morbid conditions...certainly I have ridiculous levels of anxiety. I can only treat the symptoms right now. Still reading up on that one, though.
Did your friends/other family think the diagnosis made sense to them? i.e. doing "autistic things" as broad as that is. When I talk to my friends about it, they seem to agree once I explain it to them, but originally they think of something fairly disabling.

Thanks for sharing your story. Good to see I'm not alone.

Yes I have the same situation. I had roommates and workmates ask if i had Asperger's and I alwasy brushed it off as them joking or insulting me. When I finally started reading up on it everything fit and I knew I had it. Over time I got to see my memories in a new light and realized my parents knew it too. My mom has said things now like "I never told you this but when you were little you..." and is always some extremely ASD stuff. I guess they probably don't know what they're supposed to do... like sit you down at some point when you're in high school and say hey you're not normal? It really sucks though to go so long through life struggling and struggling and not understanding why.

I have reason to believe something similar may have been going on in my own family although, back in my childhood, "Asperger's" though already discovered, was not even in the awareness of most professionals, let alone the general public, and whoever thought I was "something" may not have specifically known it to be Asperger's. If there was a suspicion of autism outright, it would be just my family's style to have "swept it under the rug" in those days. There was still a massive stigma. I have various reasons why I think my family knew something.

My mother was also unusually resistant to what she called "interference" from outsiders including professionals, and I have reason to believe various "outsiders" tried to speak to her about me. I know one thing she did admit was my school teachers being "on" at her for something she never let them win about. It's a massive mystery I will never know about now, as both parents are long deceased and my remaining family of origin are estranged from me having scapegoated me.

All I can do is just keeping moving forward, there's nothing I can do about what may have been in the past now.