partners friends

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What do you do if you get jealous of your husbands friends especially female ones. I don't want friends but I make my husband my only friend and I don't get why he cant just be satisfied with me the way I am with him. I feel they are getting a part of him that I don't get. It hurts me although he thinks I'm having a go at him if I bring it up.

i will assume that your partner is NT.

if this is correct, there is your answer: NTs, especially extroverts, need a lot of friends to get their daily energy, they'd whither away without regularly seeing these friends; there is nothing you can do about that aside from finding an introverted ASD partner instead...

hi thanks for your reply. Yes my husband is probably very NT! He is very good in telling me to just be myself but at the same time I just dont get it! So many people have hurt me in the past. When i start getting anxious about this it just escalates! I think I view him as my everything whereas he likes to know whats going on with lots of people where as I just want to know about my close family. He seems to really be interested in their lives helping them out but I dont really know what to say to people and they never tell me much! I even make the effort with compliments but they never give me any back. I just dont understand as I think of myself as a nice person with a good heart and they dont understand I feel left out even though Im quiet.

What izzeme said. Don't take it personally (which can be hard for aspies); everybody has multiple facets to their personality and can be refreshed after exercising some underused one. Imagine that you had several special interests (I'm sure that's not hard to picture). Suppose your partner shared some but not others. A great partner would be happy if you had some friends to participate from time to time in those interests your partner didn't care about at all. You might appreciate the partner too for being cool about it and being glad that you are energized and happy. (In fact... while this was meant as an example to picture how he might feel, it might be a good idea for you and him both, if you do make some pals over some interests of yours, so that it's not all about him--- that's a huge responsibility for him, to be Everything for you, and a risk to you if he falters in any of it. It could reset your brain and self esteem to make an acquaintance on your own, even if just to discuss Special Interest XYZ...)

That said, this kind of attitude/philosophy I have seen in life more common among people who are supremely secure emotionally, whether they grew up well loved by family or have natural self confidence, etc... People who question a lot or feel insecure seem not to do well with this type of thinking. (I have acquaintances or friends of several types, who have shared how they feel with what's going on in their lives.)

Maybe a slight adjustment of viewpoint helps. If you rely only on your husband, and your were to rely only on you, who could either of you rely when one of you is in crisis?

See it as a measure that works to stabilize him, so you don't have to carry all the weight and responsibility that comes with being a friend. Having a few more friends distributes pressure, and can help maintaining a healthy relationship between the two of you.

I've also learned from some female friends that they deliberately let their men go clubbing so they can get that social evaluation by other women thing taken care of, and the need to 'go out and hunt' won't build up pressure that could threaten the relationship. Let them flirt a little so they feel good about themselves and don't feel like they need to sleep around to prove their antiqiated yet indoctrinated concept of manhood.