Neurotypical hurt by comment

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Today I was so incredibly hurt by a question that a friend/colleague asked me and I don't know if is an element of having Aspergers or he is just an as*hole. I know he has Aspergers but he has never told me that. I know it because of both his behaviors and my Dad had Aspergers so I am very familiar with how to navigate a relationship with someone with Aspergers (generally).

I work incredibly hard to make his life easier with going the extra mile to compensate for his very bad executive function skills. I even have his grocery and dry supplies automatically ordered so he doesn't have to think about it. I have saved his business thousands of dollars a month and completely organized all of his businesses for a fraction of my market rate for providing the same services. Why? Because I care about him, I really like him and I saw others taking advantage of him because they could and he didn't see it and that was unacceptable to me. After months and months of doing this his questions today was "What do you do (for me)? When I told him "what kind of f'ing question is that? And that I was insulted." His response was that I was "being dramatic". I'm torn between thinking he has Aspergers, a narcissist or just a bonafide as*hole. Or maybe all three.

Any interpretations?

He might just be a jerk, yeah. Or maybe, do you do a lot of these things behind the scenes so that he takes them for granted or otherwise usually doesn't see them getting done? I wonder what his response would be if you calmly list all the things you do. Maybe he'll thank you, maybe he'll tell you to stop, maybe he'll be a jerk. Might as well find out.

I don't know what made him bring that up but it sounded like something someone would say in an argument. Were you two fighting and then he said that?

you should calmly remind him of what you do. im not saying that to mean you've done something wrong (or didnt do the right thing), but its possible hes just unaware of the fact as a lot of autist tend to be very self absorbed by nature.

Did he ask this question as a friend or as a colleague...?because it's hard to tell...I expects my colleagues to do their job...if they give an extra effort to help me...then fine...unless they have some kind of hidden personal motive which I'm not really a big fan of...

A sign of narcissist with or without aspergers. Can't say...

If he truly has Asperger's then he may be simply asking a question. People with Asperger's, me for example, do not naturally comprehend the possible social implications of the questions we ask. He may, very well, not mean anything by the question beyond what it actually says.
I once asked a question of a woman I was trying to help in my job: I asked, "What do you want me to do about it?". I meant the question literally and I was surprised, and shocked, when she reacted with hostility.

Thank you for your help, but please try to understand us.

I've been there with my husband and blew up like the Hindenberg.

You friend may literally asking, "What do you do for me?", not as a start for a fight but an actual question. In the NT world that is a fight bait question. The NT knows what the other person has done, and is now being a sarcastic s**t head. The "What you want me to do about it/that?", in the NT world that whole sentences hinges on tone of voice and situation. Mostly tone of voice and facial expression. Between two NTs, that is a good 50/50 shot of a pretty decent sized argument happening with that question.

When I instantly get angry with my husband over a question, I really have to back track and find out is it a true question? When I'm drowning in house work and the place looks like a dump, "What do you want me to do about it"? Would register as a NT being an utter as*hole. Can't you see how I'm struggling? (No) Don't you see the trash is over flowing? (No, hyper focused on something else) Do you know why I want to tear your head off? (No, I barely register you are in the room). So his question is really honest because he flat out doesn't know.

Him calling you a drama queen might be an attempt just to get you way from him in an over charged situation.

My husband is terrified at really angry people. It throws in straight into shut down mode. When I have lashed out after he has said something I thought was sarcastic, he doesn't even remember the event. Doesn't remember what he said. All he remembers I was furious, screaming and he wanted to get away.

Your friend maybe be a douche canoe or he may that literal. It's hard to know without you doing a little more digging.