Social Hierarchy

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For most of my life I did not fundamentally understand phrases such as "better than" or "beneath me" when applied to people. I've since figured out that such terms only make sense in relation to a world view based on social hierarchy, and I did not understand because I do not have that world view.

People looking for intimate relationships and ranking other people according to this social hierarchy, pretending that their personal tastes are somehow objective, is particularly creepy. Instead of saying "we are incompatible" or "I'm not interested" they say, "I'm out of this person's league" or "this person is beneath me."

Social hierarchy is a weapon in various contexts, from kids bullying each other to racists and misogynists oppressing the less powerful. Someone therefore has to be really psychologically warped to apply it to love and/or sex.

I can't think of any legitimate reason for turning lack of attraction into a ranking system, making posts on the Internet like "how dare this ugly low life approach me, I have way higher social standing." They aren't talking about murderers or people who really are lowlifes, they are talking about regular people they "look down on."

Does anyone else have experience with this and/or find this really creepy?

I see now that I made a post about this about a year and a half ago:

viewtopic.php?t=287339

I just watched a biography about Thomas Edison--while his 2nd wife was much younger than him, she had an upper class upbringing that was undoubtedly necessary for being his wife.

Is there an example of this recently, on WP or elsewhere?

Here's something that I've had going on recently which could be interpreted that way, but the person making that interpretation would be dead wrong:

I recently made a thread about someone's unacceptable comments to me (he has formed a habit of making abusive jokes at me).

I did mention that I had been trying to be forgiving of his sense of humor because I know he's from a social grouping who do speak to each this roughly and to them it's okay among themselves.

I was trying to go along with that rather than get too offended at his jokes, even though it's not how I or the people I'm used to knowing operate. I was trying to make that allowance rather than just feel offended.

I don't think there was anything wrong in my pointing out he's from a rough neighbourhood only by way of ILLUSTRATING that he has a different way of talking to people and may not know he's being abusive to me, as some members said on my thread that he is.

I was simply trying to give information on where I think he's coming from literally and figuratively. Not judgement.

I also happen not to be romantically or sexually attracted to this man.

But that has less to do with "Oh he's from a different socio-economic background" than "We literally don't have much in common in anything we like, anything we believe, anything we do." Anything we've chatted about that veers away from strictly wildlife, we find we are not on the same page and don't seem to get where the other person is coming from.

That happens even with people from the same so-called "social hierarchy." A person into sports will leave a non-sporty person feeling there wouldn't be much there to even talk about.

Back to this man -- I also don't find him physically attractive. Everyone is allowed to either be unaffected by someone attractionally, or find someone gorgeous. The PC police can't force us into that just yet.

And finally, I actually don't find ANYONE attractive at this juncture.

I'm post-menopausal, my hormonal urges have quieted to a whisper, and I'm actually happily asexual currently.

It's a very nice, calm feeling to not be attracted sexually to anyone actually.

Some of the reasons we don't have much in common may happen also to be at root cause because of differing social groups and therefore differing exposure to things, but one shouldn't conflate that with being a direct factor rather than causative to the specifics that make you like different things in the first place.

I've dated all manner of people and I've never cared about their "class" background, social standing, or thought that either I was too good for them or not good enough for them.

My own status-conscious in-laws actually thought I wasn't good enough to marry their son. So I myself have been victimized by someone's ideas about social hierarchy suitability.

However, what I have always historically been interested in, in attraction, dating, mating and partnership, is a similar outlook, similar values, similar beliefs, similar interests and similar styles of what we even want out of a relationship.

Some of that stuff is not even affected by social class; some of it might incidentally be affected but still not a direct judgement. Still doesn't mean anything.

There are a zillion examples online, but here are some I found (it's not necessary to read all of the articles):

Definition of "out of your league" on Urban Dictionary (a slang dictionary), especially the definition "To try to chat someone up who is a bit too good for you.":
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define. ... r%20league

The OP in this thread http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relationships/971258-over-reaching-definitive-guide.html#post33093770, who refers to trying to date certain people as "over-reaching" and refers to social hierarchy as a "ladder of life."

This article about dating out of one's league, especially the conclusion "find a partner who is not too far above you, not too far beneath you...": http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/d ... ur-league/

This question from a guy who thinks his girlfriend is "too good for" him: https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-date-som ... er-than-me

This article about "dating up" and "dating down": https://jezebel.com/dont-date-up-dont-d ... 1636986964, which links to the following article about a "desirability scale" (as if desire was objective): http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/a52 ... n-date-up/

This question about dating someone who "deserves better than you": https://www.quora.com/What-is-it-like-t ... r-than-you

I think there will always be people who actively and consciously think about social hierarchy and class designations not just in who they date but in everyone they meet.

Then there are people who unconsciously think about it.

There are some people who manage to truly not care or think about a person in those terms, although I think that's a very difficult path to take, because for the good or the bad of it, it's somewhat natural for human beings to categorize each other one way or another.

I think it sucks when someone refuses to date someone because they judge that person to be "beneath" them strictly based on class background/social hierarchy, whether it be the person's origins or their current situation.

On the other hand, there is a lot about a person's background that can have such a bearing on who they are in their tastes, opinions, frames of reference and life experience, that they may not have enough in common with someone very different, enough to form a partnership in which you both feel on the same page about important things.

There's nothing wrong with two people not being drawn to sharing a life because they are finding that they don't see things the same way or have enough in common, no matter what the social grouping of each of them is.

It's understandable too if someone doesn't feel comfortable in a very different social group, not because THEY don't want to fit in but often because the rest of that group reject them, and that can operate in either direction.

It's wrong, however, for someone to use social grouping ALONE to dismiss and discount someone based on only that.

The class system is something I feel extremely strongly about.

In my book, there are no 'social classes'. Nobody is above or below anyone else. We are all equal, all human. I acknowledge, accept and respect cultural differences because they enrich society. But I refuse to acknowledge, accept and respect social class differences because they are divisive.

There have always been folk with more money than other folk and there always will be, that is how life is. But that does not make anyone less of a person because of it.

For years, South Africa was excluded from sporting events and similar because of her apartheid policy. Fair enough, as racial discrimination is wrong at all levels. But the British class system and Indian caste system are just as evil and divisive, so why weren't these countries banned also?

Hell yeah. I hate this social pecking order.
When I was younger, I was quite good looking. And people would favour me because of these looks (I was naive to this fact, as I do not do this myself).
When I found out, it annoyed the hell out of me. Couldn't believe people could be so fickle and biased with such a minor trait - but I've come to accept that most people are little better than talking animals. And when they refer to men as dogs, its not far from the truth.
Heck you see those dogs sniffing each others behinds, well humans do that too.

This is so absurd to me... I joined a few groups to meet new people and it's always been the case that if they meet somebody new they try to assess where in the social hierarchy the other person stands. Then other people provide the exact information others need to place them here or there (the area they live in, their occupation, their hobbies - often sports, sometimes even brands they like ) Then they structure an initial conversation about it all and it all kind of binds them - we all belong together. Some people get excluded pretty much straight away and it's strange to watch it all (one girl was getting excluded because she lived with her parents not in a house in a specific area). Sometimes you hear people talking 'you can do better than THAT mate'...
I think the way they behave is just... so predictable. So-called middle class people in the UK are notorious for it. I actually find it pretty funny but for many NT people it's a constant source of stress and feeling inadequate/worse/'need to work hard to improve my social standing'... glad I don't care.

The way I feel about the social class system is the reason why I refuse to acknowledge the existence of a country called the United Kingdom or the acronym UK (I call it Britain). It is NOT a united country, it is a divided land for this reason. Even the name 'United Kingdom' is an oxymoron. How can a 'kingdom' be united when the ruler i.e. the monarch is so out of touch with the real life? Also, the citizens and residents of Britain are referred to as the Queen's 'subjects', yet Britain is supposed to be a democracy. In a true democracy, there would be no subjects as to be 'subject' denotes subservience and the freedom born of democracy goes against this concept.

I am subject to nobody, I am a free Western citizen.

Yeah, I hate that social 'class' rankings.
I'm quite well off, but I'd never tell anyone (to improve my social standing) and hate others that are bragards.
Though that leads me to the problem of impressing a mate :p
People don't seem to care about good personalities (as if they are easy to find!).

People want higher ranking mates. Unfortunately, I was blind to all that and ended up with a slacker who has little desire to take care of a family.

Being a slacker is different from rank.
There are plenty of professionals, and wealthy people that don't take care of their children.

I don't want any mates. But if I was seeking a mate, I would not go for a higher ranking because there are no higher rankings. He is my equal and if he can't or won't acknowledge such, he can go elsewhere.

I am painfully familiar with the social valuation scale. Have been since childhood. Grandma, bless her heart, was more than happy to spell it out for me, generally as a critique of my choice of friendship.

Whatevs. I know it's a thing. I don't practice it, and I don't hang around long with people who do.

A true friend and companion is hard enough to find, without imposing some ridiculous caste system on it in a quest for something as illusory as prestige. Gag me with a spoon.

Yes I agree totally. It honestly feels evil to me, but most people seem to accept it to some extent. Like how can people cope with how depressing and nonsensical it is that a lucky by-product of DNA or the family you were born into should dictate your (or others') whole lives in an apparently developed country?