Loneliness at the end

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One reason for being lonely at the end beside being autistic (in my case - but I think autism is much more outspread than we think, as being tone deaf, or left handed) is that with aging you build your defended burrows of experiences, interpretations of these experiences, skeletons in your closets, memories of ecstatic moments and agonies (more agonies than ecstatic moments), important for you, but incommunicable to others. The whole thing becomes an impenetrable fortress, where you cannot admit anybody if not at the risk of having everything crumble and be forced to live (or die) under the waste.

I think that is true. It is for me.

Sometimes I feel like the sum total of a mass of (mostly negative) Pavlovian reactions built up over the years.

When I was a younger I had a hard time expressing "beware of dog." I'm (disconcertedly) finding that now it can take effort not to.

So yeah, I agree.

I'm only 21, but I feel like I've already reached the stage where I no longer feel like talking to people anymore unless I happen to bump into them at Uni. I find doing chit chat with people challenging, stressful, and not particularly fun or exciting like how they find it.