When I almost ran away to Arkansas forever

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Again, this is another gloomy story about my personal life which I was hesitant at sharing at first, but my point of sharing this is to explain how my autism (and other mental conditions i suffer from) effect me. And i also since i already posted about the time i was almost taken by the necrophiliac: http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=338804
And also because a psychic i was taken to see last month told me that i'm going to die later this year in a very similar way to what almost happened here..

but just remember, there is a HUGE difference between someone committing suicide and between someone being thrown out on the streets and left for dead.

This is about the time I almost ran away to Arkansas forever back when I was 19 years old. I talk about it in this video:


This happened a pretty long time ago, but I’ve recently started thinking about it more often because of how my life has been going so far.

If you don’t feel like watching the video, then here’s basically what happened:

Back when I was 17 years old (October 2013), my adoptive mother made me get a job that I hated. Every time I talked about quitting, she would tell me that if I quit, she would kick me out of the house and i would be homeless. The job got more and more stressful. My boss cut me down to 10 hours a week, but it was still stressful. I eventually resorted to cutting my wrist, and even attempted suicide in August of 2014.

Nowadays, I know that I can’t hold a job because i have Autism and ADHD (and other conditions) which have bad effects on me and make it too stressful and overwhelming. By June of 2015, I was still keeping the same job because my parents made me keep it. Eventually, I told them that I was going to runaway and never come back but they didn’t really give a toss. They more or less told me to go ahead. So I tried to. BUT if I really would have ran away, what would’ve happened was I would end up homeless, therefor i would have no way to get insulin because my parents get it for me, then I would end up dead within 5-8 days because no human can survive without insulin. I knew this back then too and I honestly didn’t care at all.

In june 2015, I posted an ad on craigslist saying that I hated my adoptive parents and wanted to runaway forever. I also included a couple pictures of me on the ad, and had my phone number on the ad.

Later on that afternoon, I got a call on my cellphone from a stranger who told me he saw my ad on craigslist and he also told me I was very “cute and handsome” and that he was sorry I was going threw a rough time. He then told me that he was on his way to Arkansas and that he would take me with him if I wanted to go. Without hesitation I said yes and he gave me an address to an abandoned grocery store that he wanted to pick me up from, and he told me to meet him there at 1 am and that he would be driving a black van.

I never really thought much about the state or Arkansas before then, but after a while, I thought that it just seemed like the place people go off to die at. Even because of the way it’s pronounced: ARE-KIN-SAW and i also read that the name ‘Arkansas’ is a french/Spanish/Native-American name that means “people at the southern down-stream river”… I also always wanted my ashes scattered in the Ohio river after i die, which eventually ends up flowing into the Mississippi river which also ends up flowing into Arkansas.

That night before I was going to run away, I read up online about some gloomy stuff that happened in Arkansas and I managed to find this:

First, a prostitute who was shot to death and murdered in her hotel room by her pimp:


http://www.doenetwork.org/cases/81ufar.html What had happened was, he was making sexual advances towards her, she refused, he got mad, and then he killed her. This was sad, and I also kinda connected to the story too, because this is probably how I would’ve ended up if i didn’t have type 1 diabetes and wouldn’t already end up dead already. Plus I have done prostitution before long before this. They also have no idea who she was or where she came from. Just a bunch of pictures of her while she was working as a prostitute on the road.

Then next there was this girl:


http://www.doenetwork.org/cases/556ufar.html She was an African american woman who was murdered and found shot to death in a creek bed. She was naked from the waist down and was found wearing a red sweater with gold stars. This case was also very haunting and very sad. I felt sorry for her. I also understood that I was going to end up almost exactly like her as well. I was already going to die because i was going to be homeless and have no insulin, but also, I had no idea who this guy was and what he had planned, but I didn’t care at all honestly. I also thought that when they find my body in Arkansas, if it’s ever found, I would be buried right next to her in a pauper’s grave yard. She also was killed in February, the same month i was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.

Last there was this girl:



https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappear ... organ_Nick a 6 year old girl who went missing from Arkansas in June 1995… the same exact year i was born in. What had happened with her was, she went missing while her and her family were at a baseball game at a park late at night. Her little friends she was playing with were the last people to see her. They said that they saw her talking to a “creepy” guy who was driving a red truck and who was parked in the parking lot. They looked away for one minute and when they looked again, she was gone, and so was the man with the red truck she was talking too. To this day, they still don’t know where she is. I thought this case was also sad and disturbing. I felt connected because I was born the same year she went missing, and also this was all happening 20 years after she disappeared. Also, I was intending on never coming back again, which would also make me a missing person too, even though I already knew what would happen to me.

This is what I thought was going to happen: I was going to go meet this guy at the abandoned grocery store, he was going to pick me up and take me to Arkansas and drop me off at a huge/massive forest in Arkansas, where I would wander around aimlessly until i collapse and drop dead from diabetic ketoacidosis, or even exposure/dehydration.

My adoptive mother would then discover i was gone the next morning and would never know where i’ve went. My body would be found, if it would have ever found (which nowadays I don’t feel that it would’ve been), and i would be buried in a pauper’s graveyard in Arkansas as an Unidentified John Doe.

Meanwhile, my 'forever-young’ soul/spirit would be set free to drift off and be reunited with my uncle and my childhood friend who was murdered back in 2006, and would be at peace for eternity… that obviously didn’t happen though.

Here’s a video of me going back to the abandoned grocery store a couple months ago:


^it was creepy being back there.

HERE’S WHERE IT GETS WEIRD:
I left the house late at night and made it to the abandoned grocery store at 12:50am. I noticed the black van right away when I walked into the parking lot. BUT as soon as stepped up close enough to it. The van’s headlights came on. I just stood there.. Then i saw the driver of the van. I barely remember what he looked like but I remember the look on his face. HE LOOKED TERRIFIED. I just stood there extremely confused. He was staring me right in the eye. Then he drove off and left.

I WAS SOOOO PISSED OFF! that was my only chance of escaping my adoptive family forever and he left! I was so angry about that and to this day it still pisses me off. I tried not to think about that incident because it only made me mad remembering it, but i still wonder why he drove off and left.

Either way, right now i’m living in an apartment that my adoptive parents are paying for. They have to keep paying the rent, otherwise their credit will be ruined, but they don't have to after the apartment lease expires. My adoptive parents also told me that after the lease expires, they will not be getting me a new apartment, therefor i’ll end up homeless, and without insulin and will end up dead. But i honestly don’t care. I just don’t want to die in wisconsin, but I know i won’t because i’ll at least be able to hitch a ride to Chicago before then.

I am trying to prevent it from happening. I applied for SSI, and I am looking for a man or a couple who’ll keep me off the streets and out of the graves. (that's kinda personal but i explain that more in my other youtube videos..) But if it happens, it happens, and at least i would be able to say i did all i could.

But it still pisses me off because so much messed up stuff happened in my life between late 2015 and now that i could’ve avoided entirely if that guy wasn’t such an idiot, even though it would’ve ended up costing my life which is not much of a cost from my perspective. I still don’t understand why he freaked out and left, but i probably will never know at all. And in all honesty, i could obviously care less.

There’s also more to this story. Later on after all of this, I eventually discovered this song on YouTube: Cruel Summer by Bananarama:


^I’ve listened to that song MANY times, and it fits my story of almost running away to Arkansas to a T! The lyrics and everything!:

♫ Hot summer streets, And the pavements are burning, I sit around ♫

^ “hot summer streets” & “pavements are burning” describes how uncomfortable I was at my retail job. and “I sit around” also describes how boring it was.

♫ Trying to smile but The air is so heavy and dry ♫

^that describes how i’m trying to stay positive through everything, but failing epically.

♫ Strange voices are saying, (What did they say), Things I can’t understand ♫

^ a lot of people would also b***h at me during my retail job. Another thing i hated.

♫ It’s too close for comfort, This heat has got, Right out of hand ♫

^ describes how stressed out i was at the job: “this heat has got right of of hand”

♫ It’s a cruel, (cruel), cruel summer ♫

^ all of this was going on during the summer and it was cruel (everything i was going through)

♫ Leaving me here on my own ♫

^ how the man from craigslist was going to leave me in Arkansas to die…

♫ It’s a cruel, (it’s a cruel), cruel summer Now you’re gone ♫

^ If i would’ve ran away to Arkansas like i’ve wanted, i would’ve been long gone…

♫ The city is crowded, My friends are away, And I’m on my own ♫

^More background info… My only childhood friend was murdered back in 2006. My Uncle Romario, who I was VERY close too, passed away from brain cancer in 2010/2012, and my other best friend and former lover passed away from a heroine and meth overdose in 2013, hence “my friends being away”.

By “the city is crowded” means that the busy days were the worst and most stressful.
and with all of that, i might as well have been on my own as well.

♫ It’s too hot to handle, So I got to get up and go ♫

^I’m pretty sure i don’t need to explain that part by now…

♫ It’s a cruel, (cruel), cruel summer, Leaving me here on my own, It’s a cruel, (it’s a cruel), cruel summer, Now you’re gone, You’re not the only one ♫

^”You’re not the only one” <meaning that I wouldn’t be the only one who died or went missing in Arkansas: the prostitute who was killed by her pimp at her motel room, the girl wearing the sweater with the gold stars who was shot to death and dumped in a creek bed, and Morgan Nick who was kidnapped from the baseball field.

Every verse in that song tells the story of how I would’ve ran away to Arkansas. It’s kinda eerie but true.



I also did end up quitting the job, but if you want to know what happened when i did that, see this thread then: http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=338804

Right now however, i am trying to figure stuff out. My adoptive parents also mentioned recently about sending me down south to live with some of their relatives if they can, and i did apply for ssi but it's taking forever.

But a psychic i was taken to see last month told me that I'm going to die this year in a way very similar to this, but a bit different though. (that's another long story i'm going to making a video about and posting a thread about soon)
but there's a chance she might be wrong.

But anyhow, since the point of a web-forum is to start a conversation with other people online, here's my questions for everyone else...

1.) Why do you think the guy freaked out and left without taking me to Arkansas? i didn't do anything threatening...

2.) If i really would've ran away to Arkansas and this whole story all went exactly the way i thought it was going to back then, do you think my body would have ever been found?

3.) Most importantly, what does everyone think of all of this? and has anyone ever had a similar experience?

I know after reading all of this, some of you may be saying, "you need help!", if by 'help' you mean ssi and/or a man or couple to keep me off the streets and out of the graves (<again that's another personal topic) then YES, i agree with you.
But you can't make autism go away, and i've been to many therapist, and i hated all of them. And most importantly, i don't really care at all either. I'm just typing this out because i want people to know what happened.
But i am trying to work things out so that counts as something.

I'm a sixth generation Arkansan.It's actually a very lovely place.Most bodies eventually get found,usually by a hunter.Although there is a floater that got washed away in a flood and he's still missing.Probably in a log jam.The buzzards and crows will find him then the searchers eventually.
I doubt you want to wander around in the woods in summer,there are lots of ticks,as in LOTS.Also venemous snakes and other bugs that will eat your ass up.The ticks are out year round in the southern part of the state.Do not forget the feral hogs,coyotes,bears and mountain lions in some of the more remote areas.I doubt you would die of dehydration,plenty of water here in the woods.Exposure is unlikely unless you were in the northern part of the state in winter,it can have very cold snaps down around zero.
If you are looking for a "Deliverance" type of scenario,that just dosent happen.Not anymore anyway.lol Just kidding.
The name is from the Quapaw and it means "downstream people."
Anyway,hope things get better for you.Please don't come to my state to die.
If you want to learn more about the state I would suggest Encycopedia of Arkansas on the net.

thanks for reading/reply MissLizard <3 i was just putting this out there because i wanted to tell people how my autism (and other mental conditions) effect me. i am trying to work stuff out though with the SSI and everything. I honestly dont really think Arkansas is a bad place either. i feel like im spiritually connected to the state because of this story and it's also one of the places i wanted to relocate too because i figured it has nicer/warmer weather because it's further south.

If i really would've been taken to Arkansas to die back in 2015, it actually would've been my diabetes that would've killed me. And yeah, i never thoughts of the bugs and ticks, but i guess i would've just been smashing them or crushing them the whole entire time, but the diabetes would've started to effect my brain so after a while i wouldn't have noticed much (you can only live 3-5 days without insulin anyway).

And from what ive read online, the boars are actually afraid of humans, although they sometimes do attack. Bears only attack humans if they have food or if you provoke them or if they see you as a threat, and a human can easily scare away a mountain lion or coyote, but you never really know really. But with all that in mind, i probably would've been mauled up and unrecognizable and covered with bugs by the time they would have found my body, if i would've died in Arkansas back in 2015. It's pretty gloomy to think about though.

A psychic i was taken to see told me that I'm actually going to die in a forest in North Carolina in October of 2017, in a way similar to this but quite a bit different. October is actually the month my apartment lease expires and when i might end up homeless. But i am trying to get on SSI, and also, my adoptive parents been telling me that they might try sending me to live with some of their relatives down south so i don't have to be homeless and/or dead. but i guess only time will tell.

I also made this... (just shows you how much thought i put into all of this)

Sometime it has nice warm weather,depends if you enjoy lots of humidity and temps of 100.Key West would be better for nice and warm,you'd get a sea breeze.It can also get cold,not Wisconsin cold as in all winter,but I have seen it below zero for extended periods with around a foot of snow.
Most wild animals will avoid you if you make noise,but if you surprise a bear it could chase you.You don't want to meet a bear with cubs or a sow with piglets in the woods.They are very protective mothers.
Maybe stay away from the Carolinas in the summer.
Savannah,Ga is suppose to be amazing in the winter,that would be a cool town to see.
I've been to Malvern,trust me,you don't want to die there.
Eureka Springs is the best town here,very opened minded people there and beautiful old Victorian Homes.

Below 0 in Arkansas?? that's crazy! :S that must be in the mountains or something

Yeah,the coldest I've see was 15 below.That was record breaking.Like our ice storms.
https://youtu.be/FUSoqm-HoYE
On the other end of the spectrum I've seen it 111 one summer,extreme drought with wildfires popping up.
This spring we had a tornado on my road then it snowed a week later,then it flooded.Go figure.
It is The Natural State,as in natural disasters.lol

how bad was the tornado?

EF2,no one was hurt.Two barns that must have been over a hundred years old got took out,a new barn and half of a very,very small town.The community building,half a church,the old store and the new post office all blown away.There is a tractor still missing.No damage at my place.I was on the porch watching the lightning storm and enjoying some wine when I heard it.I went inside to take cover and expected the whole house to be blown away or the giant tree to land on it and nothing happened thankfully.No power or phone the next day,I didn't even know the town had gotten hit till the power came back on that evening.I did wonder why the mail didn't run,duh,no post office and the mail was scattered all over.

oh wow. do you guys have basements?

Not many.Some have cellars.My neighbor didn't have time to get to hers,a tree blocked her door before she could get out of the house.

She's fine.Lots of damage to the trees in the yard.Her cellar was fully stocked with provisions,even beer.lol Just no time to get on it.Looks to be a rough night ahead with bad weather forecast.

well I'm glad she's ok. those tornadoes are extremly dangerous.
A tornado hit Wisconsin earlier this month. it was an F3 and it went on for 80 miles across the northern region of the state! and it destroyed a bunch of trailer parks.
Also, a psychic told me that I was going to be killed by a tornado out in the forest in North Carolina when i become homeless, but when my adoptive found out, they told me that they were actually going to send me down south to live with relatives instead so i don't become homeless at all. I'm glad about that

I guess people were not prepared for that,must be a rare event up there.

You sound to me like a great person capable of being a good friend, and I hope your move to the south with relatives works out well for you!