Selective physical contact issues

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Can anyone help on this issue, I have an issue where physical contact with my partner whom I feel comfortable with is no problem.
The issue arises with family and outside people, I don't like people touching me and I an reluctant to even shake people's hands, consequently I will just say hello, goodbye etc.
I would ideally love to be able to hug family members and be in their company without having touch or personal space issues.
Has anyone employed any strategies to help them overcome issues like this, any help could be life changing and most appreciated

I am the same way. I only want to touch people I really really like. If I dislike them at all, then I don't want their weird, dry, smelly hands on me! I haven't tried an effective solution because I'm okay with this. If I wanted to be okay with touching others I would try to improve my relationship.

With something like shaking hands, you may try and just make yourself do it. It is a short interaction and after a few times it may not feel so bad. I think they call that desensitizing.

So you could do that with hugs too. Maybe if there is someone you are comfortable with, but don't like to touch, then you could practice this. Hug the person for 15 seconds. Rest, then repeat. Gradually hug for longer amounts of time. Do this 10 times each day you see them. Maybe for 3-5 occasions. You should gradually feel better.

If it is still very bad, then try talking yourself through it, or going to a happy place. Maybe distracting from the actual physical touch would help.

If you find something that helps, report back. It would be nice to know what is effective.

I'm antiaffection with everyone except my girlfriend who I love being affectionate with. I never had a close relationship with my family thou cuz of my Aspie & other issues & my parents were very critical. I'm OK with shaking hands with people for the most part but I don't like hugging people except my girlfriend who I love hugging. I'm OK with being antiaffectionate thou; I just wish everyone else was like that with me except for my girlfriend.

This i hear more often; the defining factor here is trust.
If i trust a person (my partner, but also close friends, housemates and things like that), being physically close and even having physical contact is no problem. The exact same contact with others can be anywhere between uncomfortable and highly painful.


basically, the discomfort from physical contact is inversely proportional to the level of trust and emotional closeness to the specific person.

I have the same issue, and found this thread while trying to find more information about the topic. I usually don't enjoy physical contact (I can awkwardly hug my mother when I visit her, but that's about it, and I have some friends whom I greet with a hug when we meet) not even with my closest friend, the touch on my skin really feels annoying. However, with my partner I just cannot have enough and I could always have more hugs and cuddles, I almost physically crave them. I think the idea that this has to do with emotional closeness may be right on point, as I'm truly only emotionally close to my partner. I do like my family and friends, but I struggle feeling close to them.

I'm the opposite, and I noticed this last time I was in hospital - the surgeons / doctors / nurses had to touch me, and I knew they would have to before admission and was dreading it. But it actually wasn't too bad them touching me for brief periods, and for strictly necessary, medical reasons - taking blood pressure, taking dressings and other things on / off me, positioning me to get a better look at my body before surgery, etc.
But anyone I know, even touching my hand or bumping against my arm, I get instant aversion and cannot abide them being even in proximity. The contact feels like an invasion, a crushing force against my skin, and instinct makes me need to get away from it, asap.
No idea how you could improve this, though. De-sensitization through controlled exposure?
PS : this may have been because I was expecting it, and understood the reasons behind it. Professionals asked first if they could touch me, so I was prepared, and explained what was going on clearly. They didn't just invade my personal space and touch my body without warning me, asking, and explaining why. Social touch has none of these permissions. People touching socially just barge in and do it, no warning, no explanation, no permission.

Like one of the other posters here, I can handle medically related touching. I'm not thrilled by it, but can handle it. I don't like shaking hands or hugging. I will briefly shake hands if the situation calls for it, but not other wise. Because my family is into hugging on leaving, I have to put up with that when they are leaving my place, or I am leaving their homes. I wish they were not into that. I really don't like it, but if I were to refuse, they would get upset, and then they would turn it around to me being mean, so it's simpler to put up with it.

I've never understood the whole de-sensitization thing. If something is upsetting how does doing it over and over help? Having a car accident would be upsetting. Having multiple car accidents wouldn't de-sensitize me to having an accident. I expect it would make my reaction worse.

I'm the same -- if I have come to love and feel affection for a romantic partner, I have no problem at all being touched by them and touching them, and hugs, etc. But everyone else "has cooties." I don't want other people's cooties. Although, these days, I no longer want a partner and his cooties either.

I reluctantly concede to handshakes but I have to know that I can wash my hands later. It's practical and not just crazy -- statistics show that many people never wash their hands after bathroom visits. Lovely, someone who is a stranger to me has probably recently handled their genitals and now that's all over my hand . . .

I can handle medical touching because I know the doctor or nurse needs to investigate. I'm still not thrilled about it though.

Yes, I don't get and actually refuse to believe the efficacy of "desensitization" too.

No amount of someone creating and repeating the very conditions that send me into meltdown is going to make me not go into meltdown.

In a way, I've been trying that ALL my life, in denial of what bothers me -- and my overwhelm is only getting worse not better.

I am the same way, though it has been many years since I had someone in my life "special" enough to allow physical contact. I don't have any great advice since my aversion to physical contact does not bother me. I have found that some of the same tricks I use for dealing with other social difficulties help with physical contact. For example, when I hug my mom I just count in my head. I like to count out patterns. That way, instead of getting overwhelmed by the bizarreness of the contact I can kind of get lost in the numbers. I count music timings, like 4/4, 3/4, 6/4, etc. It is even more helpful if music is playing and I can count the beats I am hearing.

I think it's a fine line with desensitization. Doing something damaging over and over obviously isn't helpful, but you can learn to get used to certain things that you couldn't tolerate before, and thus, function better. Example - I couldn't tolerate swallowing pills at all. Gagged / choked every time and brought it back up. But having to do so often during my illness where some medications could not be dissolved or crushed, I learned to swallow pills and can now do so.

I do not like to touch or be touched by anyone, whether the people are familiar or strange, whether the situation is social or professional.  

For me, the only exceptions to this rule are animals. I always crave petting and hugging and kissing my dog; I love it when he licks, nibbles, nudges, paws, leans, and jumps in my lap.

^ I don't like any touching whatsoever, even from animals sometimes, in any circumstances. But professional touching, given adequate warning and explanation, I can tolerate for brief periods. Social touching I absolutely cannot tolerate and have to move away.